I guess it’s the time of year when the commercials I see all over show the happy extended families, beautifully laid out tables, impeccable decorating, blah blah blah… Anyway, it got me to thinking about what we consider “typical”, whether it be roles in the family, celebrations, food traditions, clothing, whatever. Then again, maybe there’s no such thing as typical any more, but humor me.
What came to mind for me was my grandmother. Seems like Gramma is always portrayed in a ruffly apron, beautifully coiffed silver hair, beaming as she pulls a tray of freshly-baked cookies from the oven. My grandmother had silvery-gray hair, I think she owned a couple of aprons, and I know she had an oven, but she didn’t bake. Ever. Not that she had anything against pastry or cookies or pies, but she lived within walking distance of several amazing family bakeries in east Baltimore. They offered donuts and cakes and pies and breads that were almost sinful, they were so good. So my grandmother had no need to bake. No desire, either.
Another was Thanksgiving. Oh, we had all the traditional foods, including some traditional only to our family. But we never all sat down together to eat. Generally, the adults would make up plates for the kids, and we were consigned to the long folding table in the middle room. (My grandparents didn’t have a dining room per se.) Then between football games, the menfolk would make up plates and either eat in the kitchen or carry them to the living room. The women would variously ride herd on the kids or sit in the kitchen and eat. Finally when everyone was stuffed, my grandmother would make herself a plate.
So what was normal in your life that didn’t match up with things considered “typical” as portrayed in movies and other fictions?
I only knew one grandmother, and she lived on another continent. I don’t know if she baked.
Your idea of “not typical” is a little strange to me. I grew up not knowing any family, apart from immediate parents and 3 siblings. I don’t even remember what we did on Canadian thanksgiving because it was just another meal at the table, which maybe sometimes included turkey.
Thanksgiving was just a day off school, like Easter.
This doesn’t have to be Thanksgiving related. In fact, I just thought of another thing. Movies would have you believe that families pile into the car for summer vacation, going away to camp or hang at the beach or hike the mountains. We didn’t have a family summer vacation till I was in high school, and that was when we went to Ocean City for a week.
Summer camp was far too expensive with a stay-at-home mom and 5 kids. We’d do day trips on occasion - frequently to DC to the zoo or the Smithsonian, occasionally to Gettysburg, but never to theme parks. Neither of my folks were inclined to sleep in a tent, so no camping trips. We did visit aunts in Wheeling, WV and Easton, PA for overnight jaunts on occasion, but neither of those places offered much to entertain kids.
Lest you assume our summers were totally dreary, my maternal grandparents owned a lot on the Magothy River and we’d go there just about every sunny Sunday in the summer. We could swim and play in the sand, and when we got older, we were allowed to take the jonboat as far a we could row (which wasn’t far.) Cousins we’d never see otherwise would show up occasionally, and sometimes we were allowed to bring our own friends. It was fun, but it wasn’t the same as going away and sleeping in a hotel or a tent for a week.
My mother tries to force us all to dress for dinner, even when dinner is at home. She’s usually more strenuous about it for holidays, and to some extent we humor her on special occasions, but I’ll be damned if I put a skirt on anymore for a regular family meal. And the thing is, we really weren’t all that well off! Mom’s just a little hoity-toity (never used that before) - she used to make me dress up when we went to the “nice” mall.
Not a typical tradition, but my husband, kids and I are having Chinese food for Thanksgiving this year. We did an early Thanksgiving with my mom and sister and brother-in-law, so the turkey is eaten; this year, it’s homemade orange chicken and fried rice!
We also have made-up family members who I didn’t know don’t exist until just 5 years ago. I’m 36. I had no idea Crazy Aunt Rosalie was just a joke until I was 31.
Hmmmm… What else? We also have a “Happy Birthday, Jesus” cake for my brother-in-law every year. It’s red velvet, so when you cut it it looks like it’s bleeding. He once surprised my sister by showing up for Christmas at our house before they were married. His birthday is December 26th and mom, even though she hated him at the time, insisted on getting him a birthday cake. All they had left at the bakery was a Jesus cake in red velvet. Now it’s a family institution.
Everything, if you count Western movies! Most of my family is overseas, and while we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas, Diwali was much bigger in our house.
I work remotely (i.e. from home). Although this is becoming more and more common, I think the vast majority of people still have to get up and “go” to work somewhere.
Our traditional Christmas Eve dinner is lobster. It started one year when the lights went out, and we couldn’t cook. The only restaurant open was a seafood restaurant. My Dad being from New Hampshire, this was gladly accepted as a sign, and it’s been lobsters for Christmas Eve ever since.
We’re the same age, IIRC, and I don’t remember theme parks even *existing *when I was growing up, with the exception of Disneyland - not Walt Disney World, which opened when I was a senior in high school, but the original Disneyland, in Anaheim, CA. Busch Gardens existed when I was in high school, but only in California and Florida, but I don’t remember even hearing of it until it opened its Williamsburg, VA location years later. King’s Dominion hadn’t been built yet.
That’s funny - our traditional Christmas Eve dinner, growing up, was also lobster. And this was in the middle of Kansas, too. (I have no idea where or how we got the live lobsters, maybe my uncle had 'em shipped in.) My cousin’s birthday was Christmas Eve, and it was really her birthday dinner - this was something we did to keep her birthday from getting lost in the Christmas festivities.
I can’t think of a single thing in my childhood that is fundamentally different from the idealized norm. Not that things were always ideal, but we ate turkey on Thanksgiving and open presents on Christmas and saw fireworks on 4th of July. My parents stayed together, we took annual vacations, we went to public schools…
My grandparent situation is pretty atypical as a kid- both of them on my Dad’s side died when I was tiny, and I don’t remember them (not so unusual) but my sole surviving grandparent is one I’ve never met- my mother’s parents divorced when she was a toddler, and I’ve never met my maternal grandmother, though I did speak to her on the phone once. Her brother, my great-uncle, however, is very much part of the family, and was just as involved in my childhood as my Grandpa. He never missed one of my birthdays until I was out of the country, or a family Christmas.
As my parents own a tourist attraction, we had one of three holiday options: none (the most common); a short trip in the holidays with one parent (did this once with each); or one in term time somewhere ludicrously exotic with both, because they wanted to get the absolute most out of the little time they could get off together. It was a bit ‘all or nothing’, and often a bit crazy.
Growing up my life was pretty typical. Which doesn’t help! I had loving happily married parents, a single family detached home, was white, blond, and blue-eyed and I always felt different, weird, like I didn’t fit it. Now I realize everybody felt like that (right? RIGHT???)
My grown up life is not movie-typical in that we don’t own a stick of furniture bought new. I can’t figure out how people afford furniture.
Also we almost never sit down to eat together as a family. I think we (me, husband, 3 kids aged 5-12) are pretty close, we enjoy each other’s company, but I cannot master (nor can anyone else, not that “anyone else” has tried) getting food, dishes, and people to the table in a timely fashion. On the occasions when this has occurred there was nothing so fabulous about it that made me want to make it a priority.
All are generally fed as they present themselves and their appetites.
Both of my kids are adopted from Korea. Not only that, but adoption was our first choice and we never even considered having kids biologically(which was our backup plan).
Not typical? Well, I have a Mennonite mother - I could have been all Mennonite, except she went non-traditional and married a non-Mennonite guy.
For the last couple of years I’ve basically been a stay-at-home wife, doing all the cooking and cleaning and sending my husband off to work with a packed lunch every day. That’s not very typical of modern women, even if it used to be. I did have an interview today, though - fingers crossed!
Finally, I’m Canadian - since we make up 0.0043 per cent of the world’s population, that’s pretty non-typical.
It seems that I’m atypical because I have no debt. After the first car we always saved in advance to buy small, economical cars. We bought a house way less expensive than what the bank would loan us and paid it off quickly, always pay credit card bills in full.
I managed to get through my working life with only one career change and was unemployed for a total of about two years, and those things seem atypical these days too.
Whenever I think of Thanksgiving, the memories I have are those which were repeated for the most years. My mother and aunts shooing everyone out of the kitchen, grandma included. Lots of arguing about cooking the food and us kids had to sit at the kids table in the living room since our old table spot made it too hard for grandma to get by in her wheelchair.
To be honest, I can’t remember the last time I went to a Thanksgiving. Grandma died so that tradition is gone. I’ve either worked or been away at college.
I don’t mind. Since my parents divorced, it’s a constant struggle as to whose meal I’ll go to. I actually hate Thanksgiving because of the memories of arguing, being bored, alcohol and cigarette smoke (my mom’s side) or being bored, feeling like I’m not good enough, and getting even more stressed out by family members (my dad’s side.) The food isn’t worth it anymore. This year I don’t have an excuse not to go. I might just lie and say I have to work to avoid it all.
I guess I have an atypical parent relationship. Although my mom lives less than 15 minutes away, I despise her so much that I make it a goal to see her as little as possible. Two visits a year has been the lowest amount I’ve made thus far, I wouldn’t mind if that went down to zero.
I work every weekend (Sundays, anyway) and only get holidays off if they fall on one of my regular days off. This year, I’m lucky enough that I’ll have Thanksgiving off, but I’ll be working Christmas and New Years. Because I also work 12 hour shifts, my family often celebrates holidays a day or so early or late so that I can be included. Being gone half the day and physically depleted by the time I’m home makes it difficult to just put the celebration off until later in the day.
Also, holidays are often very short staffed at work and often quite busy. While I like my holidays, I’ve come to view them as days in which families get together, drink, remember why they only see each other once or twice a year, start arguments or fights, then call the cops.
