Passive Aggression: The Bane of My Existence

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I work with an annoying, loud, and grating passive-aggresive type. I’ll call him Joe.

Typical Scenario:

One of our accountants approaches Joe with a problem.

Accountant: Joe, I have a problem.
Joe (angrily): Oh yeah, what is it?!

Joe then hysterically laughs and smiles, especially if the scene is being witnessed by others.

Accountant (taken aback): Um…
Joe (angrily): Come on! Spit it out!

More hysterical laughter from Joe.

Accountant (frustrated): I just have this problem and…
Joe (interrupting in a serious tone): I need a little more information than “I have a problem.”

The accountant walks away. Five minutes later, Joe goes over to the accountant and asks him – almost gently – “Hey, seriously. What do you need?”

I am no psychologist, but this seems like the worst form of passive aggression to me. And passive aggression drives me nuts.

Joe’s reaction to the accountant’s request was rude, but his immediate laughter diffused any hostility. The other party walked away feeling slightly confused – God, Joe is so fcking annoying* – without knowing exactly why.

Joe wants to be aggressive but not suffer any of the consequences of that behavior. AND IT WORKS!

My husband used to do this at the beginning of our marriage. He’d make a disparaging remark about what I was wearing or the food I cooked, then say he was “just joking.” In other words, he got his digs in and I couldn’t even defend myself because he was only “kidding around.” Fortunately, I am married to a near-perfect human being and when I called him on it, he stopped doing it.

Here’s the thing: Problems will NEVER BE SOLVED if you don’t address them assertively.

IMHO, Joe should tell the accountant what he needs, i.e. “You know, I am right in the middle of something. Can I come to your cube in five minutes?”

Or

“Before you launch into an explanation, can you tell me whether you checked with your team lead or the analyst? That’s our protocol, remember?”

DO SOMETHING THAT HELPS - passive aggression just hurts.

My .02…

Anybody else work with someone like Joe? Anybody else wanna strangle 'em?

Dearest Mod, I didn’t think this should be in the Pit; however, if I am wrong… I humbly request that you move it.

2

My oldest brother is a professional passive aggressive. He is a trained professional, please do not try it at home.

At least you can get a new job :slight_smile: 35 years of always late, hidden jabs, and blow offs can be wearing.

3

Come on… I need more stories! Everyone knows someone passive aggressive! Post post post post!

Thanks, NurseCarmen. I’m so grateful that my family is full of assertive people.

It’s impossible to correct issues that aren’t brought to light.

4

Actually, I’m not sure that Joe classifies as Passive-Agressive. Certainly “asshole”, but not necessarily P-A.

Someone who is P-A is usually such because they have a difficult time dealing with people/situations, etc. or don’t know how to communicate feelings in a particular instance. For example, let’s look at the following situation…

Wife: When you get a chance, could you take out the trash?
Husband, watching the telly: Sure. (Thinking, during the next commercial I’ll run the trash out.)
Wife, carrying bag out of door 5 minutes later: That’s OK, I’ll do it - like I always do.

This is more P-A behavior. The wife, for whatever reason, shoots off a masked agression statement that is not confrontational. When hubby says, “I said I’ll do it!” she can “honestly” say, “I said it’s OK!”