Well, friends and neighbors, had a really unusual occurance happen today. I actually got mad at a friend. (really mad, truth be told)
So, it being the only venue I have available to vent my frustration (no people skills, ask anyone who was at the denver dopefest), I took it to ICQ, where we frequently chatted. The only way I could really think of to express my displeasure aside from a long-winded, bridge-burning e-mail was to shoot over an IM saying “Hmm, Deja Vu. Talk to you later.” (this same person has annoyed me the same way before)
Well, I considered other activities, such as setting this friend on invisibile mode, or whatever you call it. You know, the thing where they can’t see when you get online. Anyway, I decided that this choice would be…shall we say bland. I think I would prefer that the person know that I am online, and specifically not paying them any attention.
Next thing I thought of (and eventually did) was to simply use the delete button. Presto, contact info gone. Turned on the thing that requires my approval to add me to a contact list. So, if this pal o’ mine decides to send me over a message to call me an ass, apologize, whatever, it will be known immediately that I pulled the permissions.
So, two questions for the folks I’ve come to know and love so:
When you delete a user from your ICQ contact list, are they informed, or do they just find out when they send a message?
Am I being petty? I really am annoyed, and want this friend to know, without resorting to a viscous e-mail.
I know the feeling, and usually try my best to let them know as clearly as I can without getting too pissy. I personally, wouldn’t delete a friend because they annoyed me. That’s like giving somebody ‘the silent treatment’ - childish.
You may have deleted that user from your contact list, but you still appear on his/her contact list. They won’t know that they no longer appear on your list, and messaged they send will not be blocked or returned undeliverable.
Mega, I understand totally, and honestly, it feels kinda stupid to me. I have a tact deficiency, and when I try to put what I feel into words, frequently it comes out almost hostile. Better to suffer through a bout of silliness than burn the bridge before I even get there, eh?
And, before anyone catches it, I totally meant vicious e-mail, not a viscous e-mail.
FWIW, I’ve blocked a total of 2 people, one with notice, one without.
One was too young, messed up and unaware to even KNOW why the behavior was wrong. The other was just plain a jerk, whining, sniping and generally being a pain in the ass. I commiserate; talk about a passive-aggressive, dedicated victim!
Online communication can be free-wheeling, but it’s just a new twist on human interactions. Don’t let the technology befuddle you. Just because you’re “in communication” doesn’t mean you’re “at home and receiving” to all and sundry.
Being a jerk is being a jerk, no matter the means of transmission. My advice (which is worth not much at all) is to draft an email to said “friend”. Save, don’t send. Look at it a day later. Keep it brief, punchy and to the point. Don’t argue, don’t defend. After editing, THEN send it and block out the offender.
Hey, how long would you put up with putz-like behavior in person before declaring, “don’t THINK so!”? Just my opinion, but anyone who plays coy little gotcha-games is no friend.
Mr. Cynical, you’re living my life! A formerly good friend of mine went psycho last week. As with you and your friend, mine and I have gone through similar incidents before, but this time she really crossed the line and I have nothing more to say to her until she apologizes. Trouble is, I’ve seen her do this to other “friends,” and she’ll either a) assume she’s totally in the right and never, ever say sorry, or b) assume I will let it blow over. She’s got a big ol’ spoiled brat streak in her; it used to be funny sometimes but in general temper tantrums do not suit 28-year-old women. So an apology isn’t forthcoming unless hell freezes over.
We used to IM frequently, and I’ve blocked her. mega, you’re right, I can see why people would see it as childish, but in my case I’m dealing with a woman who is more likely to jump all over me than allow an adult conversation to take place. I don’t need that when I’m hanging out on line, chatting or (yes, sometimes it happens!) working. I figure she can e-mail me if she ever grows up. Mr. C., maybe if you took a few deep breaths and wrote a non-vicious e-mail, it would help? Just explain what made you mad, open it up for discussion. If I thought I could do that successfully with my old friend, I would.
I guess it really depends on how temporary the situation is bound to be. If they’re constantly nagging and become no more than a chore to talk to, then don’t. On the other hand, if you have confidence that this situation will pass, sit back and let it.
As has been stated, simply removing them from YOUR list won’t do squat. You already approved them for thier list, so you’re screwed. You can set custom status messages for each person, like you can always have the away message “go away” respond when a particular person messages you.
I think there’s also an “Ignore all future events from this user” Option. I use that all the time when one of these porn-url’s comes in. How do these people DO that, BTW? Can you use wildcards in sending url’s/messages?
That’s basically what happened, after it was all said and done. I sat down late last night, and cranked out possibly the most lucid thing I’ve ever written. I saved a draft of it, and came back to it later on to check it out. Nothing was hostile, no fingerpointing.
I’ve determined that I’ll never hear from my friend again, and it makes me sad. However, I think that my life will be the better for it. Odd, huh?