Pat Robertson Pit Thread Number 342: "Dover, Watch Your Bloomin' Arse!"

The BBQ Pit
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Here’s the thing. I live in Pennsylvania. As far as I know, only one school district voted to teach Intelligent Design in science class – Dover. The church I go to not only has no problem with evolution, as does my denomination, we are also openly in favor of homosexual rights, including marriage and have been very vocal in support of the recent ordination of a gay bishop in New Hampshire. If God is going to smite every school district in Pennsylvania which does not teach Intelligent Design, He’s pretty much going to have to smite the entire state. (Given Pennsylvania’s terrain, location, etc., I suggest massive waves of forest fires, not hurricanes). What distinguished Dover from the rest of the state was that they voted Intelligent Design in. Therefore, if they are singled out for some sort of Divine Retribution, wouldn’t it be more logical to assume it would be for that which differentiates them? I mean, if God is all-knowing, which He is in my theology, that would also mean He is also logical. If He’s smiting people for not following the kind of narrow-minded beliefs Pat Robertson’s been espousing over the years, well, folks, on behalf of myself, Guinastasia, and jayjay, it’s been nice knowing you!

I’m a devout Christian. I also accept evolution because there’s a certain logic and sense which is far more appealing to me than simply “God did it!” I could have sworn that as a devout Christian, I am expected to serve God out of love, not fear. It shouldn’t be “Do what I want [or what Pat Robertson says I want] or else!” Whatever happened to, “I come with joy to meet my Lord”? I’ve lived through a hurricane. It left me hospitalized and catatonic with fear. The catatonia was ended by what I consider God’s miraculous intervention. At the time, I accepted evolution and was in favour of gay rights, and, God being omniscient and all, I assume He knew that and had a pretty good idea of what I’d get up to in the years since. He chose to save me, anyway. Pat Robertson can bluster and threaten all he wants. Me, I chose and will continue to serve God out of love, not fear. Besides, I never did have any time for bullies, divine or otherwise!

CJ

122

Like I keep saying, the guy has no backbone. He is a hypocritical lying coward.

123

Don’t forget, opposable thumbs are great for putting up track lighting too :smiley:

124

I’m astonished nobody has posted (that I can see) the link to this piece of Fabulous Design Theory scripture:

http://www.newyorker.com/shouts/content/articles/050926sh_shouts

:slight_smile:

125

If God were gay, he wouldn’t have designed the male scrotum to look like it was made from leftover warts.

126

Speak for yourself.

:smiley:

127

He did a pretty good job on the female scrotum, though.

128

I disagree. The female scrotum looks nothing like leftover warts. At least none that I’ve seen.

129

Y’all have to remember. He is speaking to his viewers.

He says exactly what they want to hear.

Only when called from outside does he “explain” what he meant.

130

Thank Og I’ve become numb to this loons ramblings.

360 on CNN did a “Best of” of Pat’s lunatic diatribes.

I got quite a good chuckle out of it.

131

Throughout the 90’s Pat was ranting and raving about the upcoming Tribulation, and he predicted just about every imaginable kind of disaster. The only one he didn’t predict was a massive terrorist attack by people who believe in God. And that’s what happened.

He’s called down hurricanes on pretty much every American city except New Orleans. He predicted the demise of Detroit shortly after 9/11, and insisted that St. Louis was in for catastrophe. (Losing to the Astros, perhaps?)

I propose the following. From now on the United States will devote all its resources to preparing for disasters not predicted by Pat Robertson, while ignoring the threat of everything that he does predict. And we should all move to Dover, PA, since certainly nothing bad will ever happen there.

132

I know some people from Dover, and they’re horribly embarrassed by Pat’s rant.

The weather as of late has been beautiful… clear, perfect fall weather. Thanks, Pat! You can wish destruction on Central Pennsylvania anytime!

Robin

133

And the one time He let someone see Him he showed him His backside…I mean, Backside. Hmmmm…

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Pat Robertson Sued
Interview @ H.P - Heaven Press

In response to Reverend Pat Robertson’s recent remarks, a lawsuit has been filed in the highest court of the land for defamation of character.

The plaintiff, Jesus H. Christ, is seeking unspecified damages and a temporary injunction barring Mr. Robertson from using his name, works, or likeness until the matter is settled.
According to the complaint, Christ claims that Robertson’s continual mischaracterizations of his deeds and words have caused billions of people worldwide to have a negative view of Christianity.

Jesus told H.P that “Mr. Robertson continues to claim that I am responsible for many of the disasters in recent history. As a preacher and Biblical scholar, he should know perfectly well that I am the God of love and compassion. I would never destroy the twin towers and the innocent people in them as a punishment for homosexuality, nor do I pick sides in man-made conflicts or belong to a political party. He should know that I said to love your enemies. I said turn the other cheek. I frequently encouraged others to care for the least amongst us. Frankly, I am tired of having my character besmirched. I will be quiet no longer”.

Christ’s friend, Matthew, told the H.P “Jesus was very clear when he stated Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. For God’s sake, he traveled the land with a prostitute. Jesus would not harm a fly; he died for all of our sins”.

Mr. Robertson responded to these allegations by stating “He said what? He couldn’t have… God only speaks to me”. Mr. Robertson continued “The God I know is vengeful, dislikes depravity, and demands that his gospel be taught in every school in this blessed nation”

Jesus responded to this by telling us “I have spoken to many people throughout history; Moses, Solomon, my apostles, Mohammad, a couple of popes, but I assure you, I have never spoken to Mr. Robertson”

Hearings are tentatively scheduled for the morning after the breaking of the seventh seal. When asked, Mr. Robertson’s lawyer, Lucifer Morningstar, replied “I am confident that Pat and I will work out a deal to avoid a lengthy trial”

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My thought: He destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah not because of their practing of Sodomy and Gomorrahmy, but because he got miffed at excessive cover charges, a drag queen who ragged on Him just a bit too much and bitchy comments over, perhaps, His recent weight gain. (I’ve definitely known gay guys who would have destroyed a city over the latter.)

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Yup. There was a short story on Fox 43’s News at Ten tonight, featuring interviews with members of the Friendship Community Church in Dover.

Pastor Dennis Hall said, “His statement kind of united the community in saying that Pat Robertson doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

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Not that I’m defending them, but this would only be true if the “Intelligent Design” proponents acknowledge Pat Robertson as somebody who speaks for them. Come to think of it, is there any central organization fighting to get ID into schools?

No offense, Pat, but I wouldn’t pee in your mouth if your guts was on fire. 'Course, I ain’t a Christian.

138

When Pat Robertson says “I’ll pray for you” its just another way of saying “I hate your guts.”

139

I would, just for the sheer joy of peeing in his mouth.

He’d drink it and like it.

140

That was GREAT! :smiley: