I am a bit ashamed to see some people saying that this was a good answer. It was a terrible answer. It wasn’t even an answer to the question the poor woman asked. It was condescending to women, and it was making up excuses for the man.
In case you want to play along at home, here is a good Christian answer:
Has your husband asked for forgiveness? Has he shown sincere remorse for what he did? Has he explained why it happened in the first place, and why it will never happen again? You said that he’s been willing to go to counseling with you, and it sounds like he really wants to try to make things work.
We are all human beings who make mistakes from time to time. If your husband is sincerely sorry for what he did, and is putting in all human effort to make sure it doesn’t happen again, then for the sake of your marriage, happiness and children (if you have any), it would probably be worth it to forgive him as you have been forgiven for your sins and mistakes.
Is there any guarantee in the world that he won’t do this again and end up hurting you? No, unfortunately there isn’t. But many marriages have suffered extreme difficulties and survived, and infidelity is unfortunately a common one that can destroy a marriage, but it doesn’t always have to. Search your heart every day. Think of all the things you’ve done in your life that you’ve asked God and others to forgive you for. And try to find it in your heart to forgive your husband if he has worked hard to earn it.
(Note, this is not the advice I would personally give as I am not a Christian and don’t believe in sin or God or whatever, but as a Christian answer I think it works pretty well)
Since we’re overanalyzing this… Not really. Sounds to me like he’s blaming men’s innate weakness and offering women advice on how to counteract those weaknesses.
Christians aren’t supposed to succumb to “innate” weaknesses. They are supposed to get strength from Jesus to rise above their dirty humanity. Once you have Jesus in your pocket, you’re supposed to be inoculated against the Debil and your biological urges. If you falter, the onus is on you–not your wife–to get you back on track.
But really, you don’t see how his advice isn’t another way of saying “boys will be boys”? It’s the women’s jobs to be virtuous and faithful to their marriage vows, but poor men. They just can’t help themselves! Forgive them, ladies, for they know not what they do!
If it was a man calling about his cheating wife, do you think Robertson would have said anything remotely like this?
'Cause that’s the woman’s job as a helpmeet, right? To not only tolerate his lack of self-control, but also to take the blame if he fails in his endeavor to keep his vows?
Funny how that works. Initially it was women who were the cause of sin, until or unless the *men *sin, but wait! That’s our fault, too.
I think it’s obvious that his response was stupid and offensive. The woman is asking him how does she forgive being cheated on–which is a something most people would have a hard time grappling with–and essentially he tells her to get over it by thanking her lucky stars that he isn’t worse than he is. Robertson’s point basically was:
“He pays the bills and doesn’t beat on the kids. What more do ya want, lady? Maybe if you weren’t a fat sloppy cow, he wouldn’t have strayed in the first place. Now put a smile on your face and make that man a sandwich.”
Men and women both are tempted to cheat, as evident by the prevalence of infidelity for both genders. It is unreasonable and insensitive to assume that an act of cheating was caused by the other spouse being negligent in some way. A great many times, its because the cheater lost their willpower and decided to go off the beam just for the thrill of it. So advising women on how to “counteract the weaknesses of men” by telling them to “make the home so wonderful so that he won’t every want to stray” is to advocate wild goose chasing.
What is telling to me is that he didn’t advise her to pray on it and ask God for healing. His first impulse was to belittle her feelings and then imply she had something to do with his conduct. Classic victim blaming.
By suggesting that if wives offered a better home, then husbands wouldn’t see other women? Doesn’t that mean that husbands make a choice to cheat? If a husband is capable of choosing to stay faithful when his wife gives him a wonderful home, then he should choose to stay faithful period.
Even Chris Rock gave more comforting advice when he said “A man is only as faithful as his options.” Like Robertson, he’s saying cheating is an innate part of a man’s nature. But Rock’s at least saying it’s inevitable and it’s the man’s fault - he’s not suggesting the wife could have done something to make her man stay faithful.
Rock only says women have to accept that their men will be unfaithful. Robertson says women have to accept that their men will be unfaithful and accept the responsibility for it as well.
That’s the thing – one would expect a minister to say something to the effect of: “Yes, it does hurt a lot, and we mere humans can find it too hard to forgive like Jesus told us; that’s why you need to pray so the Lord will be The One Who will grant you the grace of His forgiveness and healing flowing through you and will touch your husband’s heart and grant him the grace to make repentance and amends. If he is not an evil man, and otherwise a good parent and provider, then he was just weak flesh and when faced with temptation he foolishly failed to call upon God.” Transfer the burden of forgiveness onto Jesus, that’s his job.
Like someone said. He’s 84 years old. And a conservative. And a religious near nut.
Think about it. His formative years were 70 plus years ago. When he started becoming a young adult and thinking for himself that was 60 plus years ago.
Hell, its a wonder he ain’t promoting slavery and trying to not let black people vote.
So, a conservative religious always been a bit crazy old coot said something slightly misogynistic (or can at least be interpreted that way).
Hell, I’m surprised he said something this reasonable.
But is that good advice about what counteracts that weakness? I’ve known serially unfaithful men, and I’ve known one-time-mistake unfaithful men, and in no case do I think the problem was that their home wasn’t well kept enough. Some people cheat because they lack moral fiber, and they think what the other person doesn’t know won’t hurt them. Some people cheat because they can’t think beyond the immediate moment, and they like to feel good. Some people cheat because they are going through a personal emotional crisis and it somehow manifests itself in a compulsion to stray. Some people cheat because their marriage is awful–for whatever reason–and home is a living hell.
But I have never known a cheater that cheated on a pretty good marriage and a pretty good spouse that would have acted differently if they had a superlative marriage and a superlative spouse.
Now, if he had said “The two of you need to talk, and find out what led to this, and if he is really desperately unhappy in this marriage, you need to be open to the idea that both of you may need to compromise and work and change to make this marriage into something that gives both of you what you need–because if this was all because he’s desperately unhappy at home, guilt and shame and repentance from him and anger and forgiveness from you won’t fix that,”, I would be okay with that. But a generic 'Make it a home he wants to come home to, and he won’t stray" really reduced all the reasons infidelity happens to a simple single cause, and suggests that a wife has the ability to stop it if she’s just sweet and hardworking enough. And that’s not only tacky, it’s not even true.
I think the more important difference is that Chris Rock is a comedian and isn’t claiming anyone should be following his advice. I’m not claiming that Rock is a good adviser - I’m just saying Robertson is a worse adviser than Rock.
That’s…pretty much my point. Sure, Christians are supposed to forgive each other, but Christians are also supposed to at least try to resist temptation. Married Christians are supposed to give each other moral and spiritual support, but that doesn’t give one partner a free pass to cheat, and then claim that Jesus has forgiven him/her, so the spouse must also forgive and forget.
If a spouse is inclined to wander, then there’s not much that the other spouse can do. I don’t care if Faithful Spouse is a wonderful parent and breadwinner and homemaker, if old Unfaithful Spouse wants to cheat, then s/he’ll cheat. And the fault is completely Unfaithful Spouse’s. Saying anything else is just playing the old “Blame the Victim” game.