[Rant mode: On]
So I finally got around to playing Dungeon Siege II. I know, I know–expecting a good story and coherent plot in a DS game is like expecting good UI design from AOL. And, let’s face it, RPGs tend to have problems with endgames anyway since it’s hard to avoid reducing an endgame to yet another boss battle. But damn, this one was just aggressively bad.
The background of the story: An Ancient Evil Has Been Reborn ™, and your quest is to Defeat The Evil Overlord Thus Saving The Land From Tyranny ™. You’re occasionally given advice by a Mysterious Ancient Scholar ™. The rest of the game is really just one long dungeon crawl on rails, with the occasional fetch-n-carry sidequest.
So you get to the endgame and reach the Bleak Mountaintop Fortress ™. If you’ve done the sidequests, you’re (a) about four levels higher than the swarms of opponents you’re facing, and (b) utterly sick of the unending clickfest that is the gameplay. So of course the Bleak Mountaintop Fortress ™ consists of one loooong winding corridor filled with swarms of monsters that you wade through without having to use a single health potion. And what’s up with the architecture of the Bleak Mountaintop Fortress ™? There’s the one loooong winding corridor with a couple of side rooms…that just contain chests and more monsters. I mean, okay, the Evil Overlord ™ is Sustained By Ancient Magics ™, but don’t his minions need, like, kitchens and bathrooms? Or do they just crap off the side of the cliff and hope the wind is blowing the right way?
Anyway. So you get to the final boss battle and discover that you can’t damage the Evil Overlord ™ because he is Sustained By Ancient Magics ™. It turns out that the only way you can damage him is to…uhh…yeah! Giant fucking magic laser cannon! Sweeeeeeet!
Bwuh? Come on already. You have a Bleak Mountaintop Fortress ™ to defend, so of course you take your giant fucking magic laser cannon and mount them so they’re facing inwards. And cement them to the floor so you can’t aim them. And leave off the trigger so the only way to fire them is to beat on them for a while with a weapon. And give them a range of about four yards. Yeah, there’s a clever defense initiative for you.
Anyway. So you shoot the Evil Overlord ™ with the giant fucking magic laser cannon and he’s defeate…uhh…no! Wait! There’s the Mysterious Ancient Scholar ™ wielding a +5 Cutscene of Plot Exposition that introduces a whole new plot twist that…uhh…has no actual effect on the game.
Anyway. So the Evil Overlord ™ suddenly recovers his health but is no longer Sustained By Ancient Magics ™ so you can now damage him. Sweeeeeet! Because I was really looking forward to yet another boss battle! So you get him down to 1 hit point, raise your weapons for one last ass-kicking blow, and…uhh…no! Wait! He’s invulnerable again, because obviously he…uhh…look! An even gianter fucking magic laser cannon! Sweeeeet!
So you shoot him with the even gianter fucking magic laser cannon, he dies, and you’re treated to a +3 Cutscene of Big Fucking Explosions. After which you’re returned to the town that’s, like, right under the mountain. Except the residents of the town are apparently too fucking dense to notice the Big Fucking Explosions that destroyed the mountain, because if you initiate dialog with them they tell you that you should really get on with your quest to Defeat The Evil Overlord Thus Saving The Land From Tyranny ™. Gee, thanks for the gratitude, guys.
Okay, I know that the DS game designers were mostly aiming at the “action RPG” experience, but you’d think that they could at least make an effort to have the plot and game design make sense.
Any other examples of egregiously stupid endgames?
