There were a bunch of articles that came out reporting on a broad study that showed people (on average) hit their lowest happiness at age 47. People (on average) are happier before that and after that.
I am going to broaden that a bit to make it more applicable. Let’s say 45-50. Why do you think people are the least happy at 45-50? I am only in my late 30’s so I am interested in your answers.
I am going to give my guesses:
Taking care of someone else is essential for many people and gives them a sense of purpose. The kids are teenagers, or out of the home. The ability to “take care” of them is rapidly vaporizing (except for money). For couples that started earlier, their kids may have already moved far away for jobs and they are experiencing a low point in their interaction with them.
Many people are starting to look at the person that they married 20-25 years ago and thinking about how they have changed. Many people get divorced around this time.
People are boosted by the feeling of opportunity and that they are “getting somewhere.” Before this age, their careers were more likely to be advancing, but now it has plateaued. If they are not moving to upper management, they are probably stuck wherever they are.
They have been working for 25+ years and are just mentally tired. The drudgery is unrelenting. Retirement is still too far away to seem like a light at the end of the tunnel.
They start to realize that life is fleeting. Body is starting to break down even more.
After this period (50+), things get better because:
Grandkids start to come or are getting closer. Along with this, their relationship with their own kids becomes more common and warm.
They get something new to take care of, a little yappy dog named Fifi.
They either conclude they are happy enough with their partner, find a new (hopefully better) one, or decide they are happy enough with the freedom of singleness.
They can start to see the retirement light at the end of the tunnel.
I think it’s pretty accurate. It almost perfectly tracks the points where your kids are in high school. Peak misery occurs if you have >1 kid going through those years. I’ve read articles about this curve, and find that for me the shape is accurate, but the years are off since we had kids later.
My life was somewhat atypical, and there’s a misery peak during my early twenties, but my highest misery occurs during the 8 horrible years of kids in high school. I would never, ever want to return to that time.
That’s about a decade away for me and at my recent birthday my parents were asking me if I was depressed over not making something of my life yet*. I can see the realization coming for a lot of people in another decade that whatever your life is at that point is how its going to stay you’re out of years to start over.
*I only own my own business with a successful wife, two wonderful kids and we own a home in a great place.
Like a lot of social ‘science’ study findings could be true on average and irrelevant to me. Which I think this one is. Early 60’s now, not as happy as late 40’s. Generally very fortunate, well aware of it, and not unhappy. But at 47 I didn’t feel any older than when I was genuinely young. Now I do. And there haven’t been any fundamental changes in stuff like stress of employment or family matters to push it much the other way.
I think it’s the age when multiple stressors are working in conjunction with each other. Basically a ll of what **Hermitian **already pointed out, plus one he didn’t- around 47, most people’s parents really start showing their age and start shifting from providing help/advice to needing help/advice.
Personally, I think that #3 on Hermitian’s list is a huge, under-valued one. I’m 47, and I recall that pretty much from my earliest memories through about my late 30s, I felt like the sky was the limit, and there was a limitless supply of cool, awesome stuff out there that I could experience/do/find. If things seemed bad at the moment, I could always look to the future and feel optimistic/reassured. In my mid-30s, I got married, and a couple of years later, my wife and I had our first kid, and the outlook subtly changed. Things feel more constrained than they used to- most alternative paths in my career, where I live, etc… are now pretty much locked in, barring some sort of major move/change. Being able to see the trajectory of the next 20 or so years and seeing more potential negatives than positives is kind of a drag.
And the parents aging is another one that I think is underrated; at some point over the past 5 years or so, there’s been something of a swap of fundamental roles- now I worry about them and try and help them, instead of the other way around. I think around 47, most everyone’s parents are in their late 60s or older and are probably starting to have some kind of chronic illness related issues, or just plain old age is starting to accelerate, and that is both disturbing and requires more concern/worry than we used to spend on them.
My parents were in their mid-40s when I was a teenager. I suspect this is the case for lots of parents. Teenagers in general are not known for being nice living companions.
I suspect it’s because it’s the age at which you can still do almost anything, but due to circumstances most likely can’t do anything. For instance, you may still be physically attractive to get a mate, but are now trapped in an unhappy marriage. You may still be young enough to do a huge career change for your dream occupation, but circumstances won’t permit.
I’m about 6 weeks away from the big 5-0, so I’m through this age.
From my perspective, it’s an age where things can get a little more financially complicated. With (at the time) two pre-teens, the expenses - camp, activities, clothes, etc. - really start to add up. In addition, there is the sandwich effect of sick parents, not enough free time with your spouse, etc. I also had a health crisis that was just resolving at 47.
That being said, at 49 I’m pretty happy and in retrospect don’t see myself as significantly less happy at 47.
My husband came into the living room the other day with one of these articles, laughing his ass off because he had done the math.
At 47.2 (the peak of peak unhappiness) I was diagnosed with both basal cell carcinoma and a “massive” spinal tumor, and was in process of being scheduled for surgeries to have them removed. Basal cell out in November, spinal tumor out in December, still going through post-op recovery.
So yes, I would say that the calculation is correct.
I think this is it. I feel that people can still dream about major life changes when they’re in their twenties and thirties. They can still think things like “I’m going to have children some day” or “I’m going to own my own business some day”. The future still holds the possibility of major opportunities.
But at some point in their late forties, most people are going to realize the time for major changes like this has passed. You realize that you’re never going to start doing the big things that you haven’t done by now. The rest of your life is just going to be playing out the things you’ve already started.
The realization can hit you hard. But once you’ve reached it, you can move beyond it and develop a sense of acceptance and appreciation for the life you have rather than anticipation for the life you only dreamed about.
My parents are getting older and I’m not ready to move to take care of them. I may not be ever ready, especially as both my husband and I would be unemployed. It’s not possible to bring them here.
No kids, so no grandkids.
We’re currently both sick with colds. We don’t bounce back as fast as we used to, plus we both have mentally demanding jobs.
Otherwise? Pretty darn good. I don’t see a big difference in happiness between 2-3 years ago and now.
I would be interested to see how this correlates to divorce. 47 is old enough to have been divorced at least once, and then to either have been divorced again, or figuring out that this is as good as it is going to get.
For me, 47 was a long time ago (seventeen years, AAMOF). And it was a period where I was entering into my peak earning part of my career, and also the highest stress part of my career. I was making a lot of money, but it was very stressful. Now I am sort of cruising towards retirement, or some semblance thereof, and my income hasn’t gone down but my stress level has.
But yes - I guess this is what I was going to be when I grew up, and it is way too late to change my mind. And this is the woman I am going to be married to until I die. Ok with me.
I’m just a bit past that age now, and I could see how it could be a down time.
I’ve been continuously employed for 25 straight years, and feel blessed because of that, but it also means I haven’t been away from work for more than 2 weeks. It does kind of wear you down.
My son is a tween, a bit on the young side for someone my age, and I haven’t hit the hard part of the teen years, so I’ve got a bit of a break there.
The idea that the sky is the limit for me, that I have endless time to do the things I want, is long past.
I’m actually not depressed, I have a good paying job that isn’t terribly stressful, I still like my wife, and my kid isn’t a giant tool, but I there are valid reasons for this time of life to be difficult.
At 47, you’re probably about halfway through your adult life - and you’ve already lived the half that featured better health. If you were lucky, your first half included vigorous athletic endeavors, boundless energy, and a general sense of physical and mental well-being. Your second half is where any bad habits you had during the first half are going to catch up to you. And even folks who had good habits during the first half are going to decay mentally and physically - hopefully slowly, but it will happen.
I look at myself in the mirror now and see me. I look at pictures of myself from 25 years ago and see someone who looks almost like a stranger - thick lustrous hair, taut skin, powerful muscles. I’m healthy for someone nearing 50, but I’m definitely not what I was. Hard to believe the guy in those photos was me.
Life is fleeting. The first 25-30 years of my adult life is gone. How fast will the next 25-30 years go by? Will I even have another 25-30 years?
Many years ago my Mom said aging is just watching the doors (opportunities) close. Every year more of them close permanently as the list of things you’ll never do grows.
