I don’t mean to sound cynical (she said, proceeding to speak cynically) but I tend to dismiss the friendliness of RE agents that I randomly meet, since it’s just good business sense for them to put themselves out there. I don’t mind, but I don’t mistake their friendliness for an actual desire to befriend me as a person.
Anyway, I’m now the former client of an agent who just sold some property for me. She knows enough of my personal circumstances to realize I’m highly unlikely to ever be a client again in the future.
However, even though the deal is completely over - new owners have taken possession, capital gains tax all paid, etc. - she is inviting me to have coffee with her.
I wouldn’t mind making friends with people I genuinely like (besides my romantic partner, I don’t have any true good friends here on the island, just friendly acquaintances, in part due to my naturally reclusive behavior and in part due to the pandemic, which struck when I was still fairly new to the community). But - see cynical first paragraph.
Hence my question. I know there are/were some RE folks on the board. I’d be interested in your comments (or comments from anyone who met true friends as a result of a RE deal).
Out of 7 Real Estate Agents we’ve worked with over the years, we did become friends with one. We used him twice to buy and he helped my parents sell. I fixed his computer a few times for him. We went to BBQs at his house and he was at BBQs at ours. So while not a close friend, I would consider him and his wife friends.
He passed a while ago now, over a decade, but I still have his little magnetic business card on my fridge. That has moved to 3 houses now and 6 fridges.
He was a genuinely nice guy that took early retirement from a Wall St. Bank and took up Real Estate at almost 60. I miss you Tom, I wish you were around for the last move.
We recently hired an agent to sell an apartment. We met him twice in person, and after that we communicated mostly by text. He found a buyer, we paid him, and that was it. I’d definitely recommend him to anyone looking to sell or buy in that town, but friends? Why?
Granted, there might be financial motives for overtures of friendship. On the other hand, how do you become friends with people? You meet them, you find you enjoy their company, you hang out, you become friends. I don’t see why a business relationship couldn’t develop into a friendship.
The agent who helped my father buy his house lives down the street from him. And she remained friendly with him ever since, to the point that she has been a semi-regular guest at social events.
Is there an ulterior motive? I don’t know. When we decided to move closer to my father as he became sickly, we called her for our house (and she got the commission). When he passes, we’ll almost certainly use her to list his house. If we move away afterwards, same. (When we need recommendations for contractors, etc., we ask her and I suppose she may get a kickback).
So, it’s possible she’s playing the long-game, but I prefer to believe that they are friends.
Years and years ago, I was in commercial real estate.
My clients were my clients. My friends were my friends.
But I was always interested in the business success of my clients. I patronized their businesses, where appropriate, referred people to them, where appropriate, and often stopped by just to chat.
But it was professional, and I wasn’t ‘prospecting.’ If they had faith in me, my integrity, and my skills, they might refer somebody to me for the business I was in. But that wasn’t what I was after. Their success really was my success.
But … sure. a real estate professional that did some work for you might have a genuine interest in pursuing a friendship with you.
And, of course, there are some who just never stop marketing.
If you’ve found the former, then you may have made a good new friend.
If, OTOH, the latter has found you, then you’ll either tire of asserting your boundaries or … eventually walk away.
I don’t think it’d be that awfully hard to figure out which of the two types (or something in between) you’re dealing with … if you decided to even go that far.
Well, she lives far enough away from me that it will be easy enough to establish boundaries if necessary, should it seem that she is just a relentless marketer (or even if she doesn’t seem like good friend material to me - I’ll admit I’m a bit picky on that score).
But after reading the comments, I’m going to relax my guard for now and assume her overtures of friendship are at least somewhat genuine. I wouldn’t do it if I hadn’t actually liked her, but she seemed like a pretty decent person during our business interactions.
We’re buying a house now, and will be selling our current house once we close on the other. My agent was the guy I worked with buying our current house 11 years ago. We’ve been friends since then, going out for drinks, bike rides, and Red Sox games. He plays the long game, and is generally a nice guy, but I think the friendship is genuine.
My wife is reasonably good friends with our real estate agent (with whom we bought a house a couple of years ago). There is clearly some “let’s stay friends with the people who have proven themselves to have house-buying money” aspect to it, but she also fundamentally went into this kind of work because she is a friendly person who makes friends with people she meets, and tends to meet people on the job.
Did you have something in common? Like collecting wooden nickels?
Otherwise I would see it as a low pressure follow up. See how it goes, a good “image” on the agent’s part would likely bring his/her name up when you have a conversation about agents with other people.
If he/she keeps pressing a business card in your hand when you get together, yeh they’re not your friend.
My guy was a friend and neighbor before I asked him to sell my investment properties. He’s still a terrific guy, and someone I can count on to help when I need it.
The realtor who sold my dad his house some 35 years ago was a person he met when first looking to buy a new house. They became fast friends and are still close friends all these years later.
My wife and I are still friendly with the realtor who sold us our current house a couple of summers ago, but not to the level where I’d consider us actual friends. That might have had a different trajectory had covid not hit a few months after we finalized the purchase and moved in.
There is a realtor who not only thinks she is a family friend, she also thinks she should be our first call if we’re doing any real estate transactions. She helped my parents find a house 30 years ago, and latched on to my mother. Dropping by for coffee, shooting the breeze. My mother was a polite, friendly woman and didn’t mind her, but obviously wasn’t as committed to the friendship as the realtor was. Various family members used her services and she was still attached to my mother. To the point where, the day we had to decide to take my mother off life support after a massive brain stem hemorrhage, she heard about it and shows up at the hospital, in a crowded ICU cubical, holding her hand and sobbing. This was an immediate family moment, and she basically inserted herself into the drama. It was totally inappropriate.
And still, any time she got wind that someone might be buying or selling, she seemed to think that she had an automatic lock on any real estate deals my family was considering. She had hurt feelings, until we said that my step-father would prefer to keep business and friendship separate.
I sometimes run into her at Mass, because she’s now living in my town. I try to avoid her as much as possible.
Why do we make any friends? We meet someone, we interact, we decide we like their company. That could happen with a real estate agent, a lawyer, or a grocery store check out person. Your guy you only talked to twice, so I get not feeling like you’re becoming friends. I see my UPS guy more that that (and we’re not friends).
I see no reason you can’t be friends. Sure, some realtors may be all about the hustle, but that can happen with your real friends who get swept up in MLMs, too.
Way back when I was looking for my current house, I spent almost a year on and off looking, using the same agent. He was significantly older than I was, but we spent so much time together, I think we could have become friends if we were closer in age. He really was committed to finding me a place that met my needs, wants and budget, and never pressured me to make a move I wasn’t happy with.
Called him up again last year to sell my mom’s house when it was time for her to move to a retirement home. Still a nice guy, and remembered pretty much everything from 15 years ago, so he probably wasn’t faking being a nice guy.
I think this is pretty common. The type of people who go into real estate selling are also the type of people who form friendships easily.
That said, it’s also professionally advantageous to these people to have a wide circle of contacts, because even if the people you become “friends” with are never going to use your services, they might have friends and relatives who will.
Bottom line is that it’s a mixture of factors and can be hard to sort out.
The agent who got me this house, who was the girlfriend of my hairdresser at the time (she’s still my hairdresser) is now getting married to one of her newer clients, a woman who was in a hetero relationship when they met.
