That’s silly. The fact that the trash is there actually implies that the seat is still taken. Heck, for all she knows, it could have been Skald’s trash that he was using to claim the table, and would pick it all up when he finally got up.
I’ve never heard of this idea of just sitting at the same table of a stranger. Even the friend was rude if he didn’t at least start the conversation before he sat down, and do that little half sit thing to give you a chance to object.
A stranger has to flat out ask. And Skald should have called her on it–how else is someone supposed to learn that what they did was a faux pas? Of course, you do it politely. I believe the correct response is: “Oh, yeah, I guess you can sit there. My friend’s already gone.”
I think you have the right to be vexed that she didn’t even pretend to be polite, not that she wanted to sit there at all. (Which is what I think you’re saying anyway).
She doesn’t even have to beg permission, but plopping down and saying “There aren’t any other places to sit,” at least acknowledges the situation.
I would expect to be asked in those circumstances, just in case the seat was taken by someone who had stepped away to purchase something. But since that wasn’t the case it wouldn’t worry me in the slightest. If I am sitting alone somewhere busy and people are carrying food or drinks obviously looking for somewhere to sit I offer them my table, even if I will end up surrounded by a group of people I don’t know.
I would probably ask if anybody was sitting there, but certainly wouldn’t ask for permission. It’s a public place, after all, without assigned seating or waitstaff. Americans are entirely too territorial and defensive about things, IMO. It’s normal in Europe to sit at any available seat, regardless of whether or not someone is sitting at the table. They don’t usually ask or even acknowledge you before doing so, as it’s normal behavior. I’ve had dinner there with complete strangers sitting next to me and felt perfectly comfortable. They don’t want to be your friend: they just want to eat.
Like others, I think that there’s nothing wrong with wanting to share a largish table at a coffee shop, but she should have simply said, “Is it okay if I sit here?” The rudeness was not so much in presuming to sit down at your table, but in not asking you purely pro forma. To me it sort of suggests that you aren’t even there, or not worth acknowledging.
Sort of the difference between bumping past someone, and bumping past them while saying “excuse me, please.” The action is the same, but one acknowledges that the other person is a person, not just an obstacle.
I am not a fan of “saving” public space. Park benches, coffee house seats and communal tables and so on, are all free unless they are presently occupied or have books/newspaper/coat/cup of coffee something else in the space indicating that a person might have gotten up momentarily to go to the potty or something.
Having said that, I would say that this is one of those cases where it is always polite to ask but not necessarily impolite of you don’t ask if the seat is free.
I think it’s up to the person who is saving the seat to politely inform the stranger that the seat they are about to take is already in use. And “already in use” doesn’t mean “my friend will arrive at some point in the next 30 minutes or hour to sit here”. It means the person has gotten up to go get a coffee refill or potty break and will return in two or three minutes at most.
I don’t see why her moving Rob’s garbage bothered you. You said moving his things as though it was his stuff–but it’s not like it was stuff he was coming back for or anything, right?
Courtesy to those who are first courteous to you is pretty much a civil rule. Being courteous to someone who has failed to extend a courtesy to you is the test of true courtesy.
However, since you did not say “Hey, bitch, move it out.” I don’t think it was a big failure on your part, no.
MEh, I don’t consider it rude in a coffeeshop, this happens to me all the time. I’ve actually struck up some interesting convos this way. One thing I’ve learned in these tête-à-têtes is that some people (actually, only women have said this to me) just feel silly sitting at a bigger table all by themselves. Maybe they think sitting alone makes them vulnerable or socially inept, I don’t know.
Now personally, I’d ask before I sat down, but I wouldn’t consider a person rude if they didn’t. My standards and sense of proprietorship are both low.
Who said it bothered me? Did you read the OP? I commented that I wasn’t bothered, since I would certainly have said yes if she’d asked; I was just mildly amused by the thought that I should be bothered by her presumption.
Ugh, I clicked on the wrong button. Yes, you had the right to be vexed. If a cafe is crowded, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask someone if you can share their table. Not asking first is rude. You don’t know if they’re waiting for someone.