Define the preferred bounds of your personal space

In My Humble Opinion
1

A poll, obviously, taken for no particular reason. Here’s a few suggestions, but feel free to add your own.

  1. You’re in line at your local coffeehouse thinking about neurophysics & stuff. There’s maybe 3 people in front of you and 3 behind. How close do you get to the person immediately in front of you. How far back do want the person behind you?

  2. After ordering your latte, you sit down at a table to work on your epic poem about the quantum thermodynamics. You’re engrossed in your work and sit at a big table, bigger than you really need in fact. No other tables are available. A perfect stranger asks if you mind if he or she sits on the opposite of the table to study. Do you object?

  3. (Men only) After seeing the latest X-Men movie you go to the bathroom. Entering, you find that there are 3 urinals, and all the stalls are occupied. There are persons using the two on either end. You’re not in a hurry. Do you immediately go to the center urinal, wait for one of the end urinals to open up, or wait for a stall?

  4. You and your wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend,or whatever are getting ready for work in the morning. You’re in the shower. The other person is running late. Does it bother you if he or she comes in and grooms himself or herself? What about using the toilet?

  5. Same situation as four, except the other person is in the shower and you are the one running late. Do you mind grooming yourself while they bathe? Using the toilet?

2
  1. What is their gender and how hot are they?
  2. No problem as long as they don’t try to talk to me. (Unless she’s hot)
  3. Center, no hesitation
  4. Not at all. Do what she needs to do.
  5. No problem.
  6. I’m not stalking you.
3

I thought about explaining this to everybody else, but it’s more amusing not to.

Anyway, I’m stalking YOU, in reverse. You forget that after I renounced my plans of world conquest, dembobilized my armies, and dismantled most of the doomsday devices, I kept the time machine.

4

  1. About an arm’s length. My arm. I wear 16.5 X 35 shirts. With fingers outstretched, that makes about 45 inches.

  2. No problem as long as they don’t talk to me. No matter how hot she is, she’s not as hot as the woman at home.

  3. Right for the center.

  4. Grooming is OK, toilet is not. We have a bathroom in the hall too, so there’s no reason not to use that one.

  5. Same as above. In either case, the missus and I do ask the other if it’s OK to come in.

  6. I’m not stalking you either, and I don’t know why that’s amusing.

5
  1. An arm’s length or so. I’ve never really paid that much attention to the actual distance, but there’s that invisible barrier where someone is suddenly Too Close.
  2. Not if there aren’t any other tables available. I will ignore further attempts at conversation, though.
  3. N/A.
  4. Not okay. Bathroom time is personal, alone time.
  5. Same. If I’m already running late another five minutes isn’t going to spell the end of the world.
6

  1. The more room the better, but to keep me in an agreeable mood, probably eighteen inches or so.

  2. How big is the table? Probably I’d be OK with it. Unless they going to be noisy. That includes snuffling, clearing of the throat, sighing, coughing, etc.

  3. I’ve idly thought about this over the years. I wonder what it would be like to stand at a urinal next to a stranger. Hmm.

  4. I don’t mind this.

  5. I will pee but I can’t really do much in front of the mirror because it will be all fogged up.

7

  1. A foot or two, both front and back.

  2. No, but I’d’ve preferred they sat elsewhere, and would find it a little strange that someone asked to sit at my table in an empty room.

  3. I think nothing of taking the middle stall even if one end was open. I probably do it often without even realizing it.

  4. I wouldn’t mind the grooming, and peeing wouldn’t bother me. I’d prefer they not shit with me in the room, though I’d not make a fuss if they did.

  5. Same as above. Peeing or grooming only.

8

I mean in a crowded room, of course.

At a certain busy coffeehouse I frequent on Sunday mornings, one of the other regulars adn I have a explicit and longstanding table sharing agreement; each of us knows that the other one doesn’t mind sharing and will be there on Sunday morning, so whichever of us gets there first snags a large table. We never see one another outside the cafe.

9

I misread that. In that case, I’d have absolutely no reservations about letting them sit with me, though I’m not sure I’d ask someone were I in the stranger’s place. I tend to keep to myself.

10

I’m a little strange that way. I won’t ask to share anyone’s table, but I’ll offer if I notice and have no need for the other side of the table (i.e., am writing).

ETA: Except for the other coffeehouse regulars. If I know them well enough (even if only in the confines of the cafe) to say, “Hey, how’s your ER rotation going?” I’ll ask if the person minds sharing.

11

  1. 1.5-2 feet

  2. Sharing tables is alright.

  3. No problem using the center.

  4. Any thing except a #2. Im not into that whole shit-fog thing.

5.Same as 4.

12

I couldn’t give you a measurement of my personal space for strangers. It will depend on how crowded the room/line is. However, I don’t want to be touching anyone, or have anyone touching me. I guess that I want about a foot and a half between me and anyone else. Of course, if the guy (and it has to be a guy, I am not attracted to women) is really, really hot, I won’t mind him getting really close to me. On the other hand, since I am fat, middle aged, and not attractive, I am aware that I am probably not someone he’ll fantasize afterwards, so I try not to impose upon his boundaries.

I don’t object to sharing a table, as long as I have enough room for my food and reading material. In fact, I’ve volunteered to share if I see someone searching the room for an empty table. I’ve asked on only a couple of occasions.

I do not use urinals. I don’t mind if someone else is using the stall next to me, and I will pass some toilet paper to the next stall if asked.

We only have one bathroom, we’ve never lived in a place with more than one bathroom, and I have no body modesty at all. I don’t mind if he (or my daughter, when she’s visiting) comes in to shave or whatever. I also don’t mind a toilet use, as long as there’s no flushing (and water temp changes) involved. I’ll flush the toilet when I get out of the shower.

In fact, I’ve asked my husband or daughter to come and scrub my back. My husband sometimes wants his back scrubbed, but my daughter IS quite modest, so she never asks for one. I do sometimes give her a very thorough back scratching, with her shirt pulled up and bra unhooked. She is willing to be immodest if it means getting her back scratched properly.

I’ve had to look at my husband’s heat rashes and such on his balls, mostly to reassure him that it IS just a heat rash and he’s otherwise normal.

I have trained my husband to quit locking the door when he takes a shower. I have inflammatory bowel disease, and when I need to use the toilet, I need to use it NOW. He doesn’t like it, but he puts up with it.

We’ve been married over 30 years.

You didn’t ask, but…I would be just as happy to wander around in public wearing only a pair of panties/boxers. I would wear them not because of modesty, but for hygiene. Sooner or later I’m gonna need to sit down, and nobody is going to want to sit there afterwards if my bare butt’s been on it. Similarly, I don’t want to sit, even clothed, where someone else’s bare butt has rested.

13

This one reminds me of this silly thing. :slight_smile:

Anyway, to respond.

  1. Many variables, but normally about 16-18 inches
  2. No problem with this.
  3. Yes, I’ll use the center one.
  4. No, I don’t mind either. Wife and I do this all the time.
  5. Same as #4.
14

  1. Normally, enough space that I’m not touching but have room to turn in place, but not so far that anyone can cut in – this usually runs to 12-18 inches. More space is allotted to the smelly, the frightening, and the annoying; less space is allotted when the line is very long and people are running out of room to stand, and any schmuck who insists on standing several feet back will have me breathing down his neck. I expect not to be touched by those behind me, though I won’t mind if she’s hot.

  2. No, I don’t care about that; I’ll even share a table for two with a stranger if it’s that tight.

  3. It depends on how shy my bladder is feeling; if I think I can cut loose, I’ll take the middle urinal.

  4. Of course not. Non-SO roommates, maybe not, but SO’s are welcome any time, as long as they don’t interfere with the water pressure.

  5. Same as above.

15
  1. about the distance I can do an elbow strike without pivoting. Eg, about 1 foot front and back
  2. No problem. Just don’t pull up a chair next to me where I think you might be directly or inadvertently looking at my epic.
  3. Always go to an empty urinal. Never into a stall if there is an unoccupied urinal.
  4. Married to a mainland Chinese that grew up without indoor plumbing. I’ve gotten used to her coming in and doing all the business. She’s happy to call people in for a chat while dropping a load. Me, I like to “poop in peace” as they say.
  5. That’s why we have two seperate bathrooms in the house.
16

I don’t need space at all and prefer feeling people around. I come from a very “huggy” family and circle of friends.

  1. Depends on the circumstance, but sometimes I have caught myself putting my hand on the stranger in front of me’s shoulder. I’m a smaller cute woman, so no one has ever looked at me wrong, but it can be a little embarassing once I realize that I’m just hanging on someone in public. I will not stand right behind them and breathe down their neck, the touching usually happens when I am with someone else, and am just chatting away.

  2. Share away, you can even sit right next to me as long as you don’t continue to interrupt me and I am really trying to get something accomplished.

  3. I think if I was using a urinal at all, that would be truly impressive. At bars and such if there is just one bathroom, I’ll even let the woman behind me in there as well so she can check out her make-up etc. while I use the bathroom, and vice versa. This is of course if the other person wants to, I live in a super friendly area, so this happens all the time.

  4. It’s fine, but him using the toilet better be a total freaking emergency. It never is, he does it anyway. In the long run, I really don’t care that much.

  5. Always sharing the bathroom area at the same time, although I would love to have my own bathroom, because of the mirror fogging situation that has already been mentioned.

17

  1. I’m not sure I can answer this, as it varies so much. I’m not too picky about the amount of space, as long as I don’t feel crowded.

  2. Not a problem, if it’s about using the table, not sharing with me. I don’t need to take up a whole table if somebody else needs to use the space. Just don’t bother me while I’m busy.

  3. N/A

4 and 5. I’ve lived nearly all my life in places with only one bathroom. I don’t really care who does what, as long as they don’t get in my way. (Although you’d darn well better light that candle if you make it necessary.) And don’t mess with the water pressure. This is largely the reason we’ve never had a see-through shower curtain.

18

  1. I think there are a lot of variables with this first scenario, but two feet of separation is probably about right. You don’t want to be too close if you can help it, but you don’t want to offend or leave any doubt as to your place in the queue by leaving too large a gap.

  2. I don’t mind sharing. I’d even exchange pleasantries and discuss the weather, just so long as it doesn’t lead to them attempting religious conversions or Amway sales pitches, or some such.

  3. I’d have to go for the middle urinal, even though I’d probably rather one of the end ones. You don’t want to appear to have any issues or agendas in the mensroom.

  4. No problem. One of the things I dig about having a girlfriend is the intimacy and lack of embarrassment in her presence. Her taking a dump might be pushing it a bit, but I’d be more embarrassed for her than offended on my own part.

  5. As for the reverse situation above.

19
  1. I don’t even understand why this is even a question. You have to pee, and there is one unoccupied urinal. What’s the problem?

Or is this a straight-guy thing that I’m just not getting?

20

  1. Generally I’ll get as close to the person in front of me as the rest of the line gets to each other.

  2. They can sit.

  3. Depends on my mood and whether anyone is on line behind me. I tend to prefer the stalls. If the urinals have ‘blinders’ though I’ll use them.

4/5. Me and my housemates have an open bathroom policy - if someone is using the shower other people are free to come in to the bathroom to do whatever. Peeing is fine, but any of us would give warning before pooing however to give the person a chance to end the shower early.