people who are always late v. people always on time

In My Humble Opinion
21

Whoa, I can’t believe how many on-timers there are. I’m one of thoe habitually late people, largely because I just don’t care. What’s the fucking rush? Some people would hurry to their own funeral; me, I’d rather be late.

I never get stressed out when someone is trying to “rush” me “or we’ll be late.” So what? I can rarely think of situations that deem “being on time” as a necessity, though I do admit there are a few. When those come around, I will be on time. Otherwise, fuck it. When I say “I’ll meet you there at 5” I don’t mean we should synchronize our watches :smiley:

22

I was thinking about this on my way to work this morning. I’m always RIGHT ON TIME to commitments… yet I stress out about leaving too late. I feel rushed, I do forget things. While I’m driving, “making up time” is at the forefront of my mind.

You’d think the negative reinforcement of this stress would somehow force me to leave sooner… but it doesn’t. Tomorrow I’ll leave 5 mins. late… AGAIN.

23

I used to be punctual, always precisely 5 minutes early for everything. Then I met my wife. She is always late for everything (she was a half hour late for our wedding). I’d say my stress level is higher because when it’s time to leave I’m ready to go, but she’s just starting to think about getting ready and she calmly takes her time.

24

I’m an on-timer. I think it’s rude to waste other people’s time by being late. My husband isn’t interested in being on time. He must be early, “just in case!”

“What if we have to stop for a train on the way there?”

Well, there’s about a 1 in 300 chance that there will be a train. If there is, we will apologize and explain what happened.

“What if someone else is early?”

Tough noogies. We were told to be there at 6 pm, and we will be there at 6 pm. If someone wants to show up early, that’s their choice, and it’s not my problem.

I got really sick of sitting in the dark in the theater for 20 minutes before each show. I finally got him to loosen up a bit on that score, and he now accepts that getting to the movie five to ten minutes early is a reasonable safety margin.

We have some friends who are often late, as well. I don’t mean always fifteen minutes late; I mean they could be on time, or they could be two hours late, or anything in between–and a couple of times they just haven’t shown up at all. "Gee, sorry, we were at our parents for dinner, see, and we lost track of time . . . "

We just try to take that into account when making plans with them. If we are going to a movie together, we plan to meet at the theater, and we tell them that if they aren’t there by the time the show starts, we’re going to go in without them, and we can just get together when the movie’s over–no, don’t bother to try to find us, since that would be disruptive to the other patrons, just find a seat and we’ll see you after. If there’s something really time-critical, we simply don’t invite them. They realize they’re always late, they accept these conditions, and they just don’t seem to care–which I find a bit mind-boggling, but shrug different strokes, I guess. It would be maddening and futile to get them to change their ways, so we don’t even try.

25

“The problem with being punctual is that there’s never anyone around to appreciate it.”

I have this on a magnet on my fridge.

Count me in with the On-Timers.
I can’t stand to be late, and it is (IMHO, of course) incredibly rude to be late, especially people who are always late.
I also know some people who are late to everything.
Barbarian, the problem with telling them something starts earlier than it really does just causes more problems. The late-comers will eventually figure out what you are doing, and then think, “Well, Barbarian said it starts at 1:00, so that means it really starts at 2:00, so if we get there by 3:00, it’ll be okay.” :rolleyes:

But when you say, “I’ll meet you at 5:00,” when do you get there? Five after? A few minutes late is okay, but if you show up at 5:30 or 6:00 and just blow it off as a “little” late, it’s rude to whomever you kept waiting.
As for those few situations when “being on time” is a necessity, what do you consider a necessity? Work? A job interview? Dinner with a friend?

26

“I’m one of thoe habitually late people, largely because I just don’t care. What’s the fucking rush? Some people would hurry to their own funeral; me, I’d rather be late.”

—[mentally picturing erislover and wolfman trying to meet on time to go to a white-tie wedding]

27

I am a type B personality but I hate being late. I used to be late for school or almost anything while growing up, but I decided I’d rather wait outside for 5-10 minutes and take my time rather than feeling rushed. I tend to get ready for doing anything about an hour before I need to be there, if not even sooner, in anticipation of a bad hair day or a clothing emergency. On the plus side, since I am usually 5-10 minutes early for work, my bosses always seemed much more understanding when I was late. Of course, I’d call and let them know if I was going to even be 2 minutes late, which made them even happier.
Even with my kids, I get them ready 20 minutes before I plan to leave and try to allow myself 5 to 20 minutes extra for driving time, depending on the distance. Being on time is one of the things I usually can control and I loathe to be late. My father has always been at least an hour late for everything and it still drives me crazy. (Why doesn’t he plan to leave an hour earlier, why do I have to tell him we’re meeting an hour before I plan to show up? He’s the one wasting my time by making me wait, why do I have to try to, say amuse two small kids seated on a bench at Disneyland while we wait for grandpa’s pokey ass? Get the lead out dad! Time’s a’wastin and none of us are getting any younger here!)
Having been on both sides of it, I think waiting for someone is more stressful. Maybe it’s just the whole “I put forth an effort to be punctual. If you knew you were running late, could you have called me so I could maybe run an errand on the way or found something constructive to do instead of feeling my butt get wider as I sat here waiting for you?”
::sorry for the mini-rant::

28

Kinsey said…

Exactly. If I’m meeting someone at 7pm for dinner, and she’s 5, 10 minutes late, no biggie. If half an hour, 45 minutes go buy with no excuse, that’s just wrong. Trains running late, traffic, those are legitimate reasons for being late, but taking your own sweet time when you’ve agreed to meet at a specific time for a specific reason is rude. At least call me if you’re going to be that late, so I can get some extra work done or go window shopping or something rather than waiting for you. The woman I mentioned above enjoyed her “I’m always late” schtick. She just loved the attention; it thrilled her to meander towards the group of us and to know we were all waiting just for her.

Bet she wonders why nobody here wants to hang out with her anymore!

29

I’m completely with bup on this one. People who are habitually late are completely disrespectful of the time and priorities of those they are meeting.

I usually make allowances for traffic and that sort of thing, so most times I get there a couple of minutes early. I usually hang out in my car, return phone calls, read a book, whatever. If I’m by myself, I actually like having a few minutes to decompress and be alone before being social.

I am generally intentionally 30-45 minutes late to the “party starts around 7:00” kind of invite, and I usually leave before the party officially ends too, but any time I’m meeting a person at a specific time, I am there on time. I expect them to have enough respect for me to be there on time. I’ve had a couple of friends who were habitually 30-45 minutes late. After the second instance, they get left behind. I’ll go ahead and order my food, find seats at the movie, whatever. My time is precious to me and I’m not wasting it on selfish assholes.

30

NOTHING makes me more stressed than the thought of being late. My former husband was purposely late for everything. Being late did not stress him in the least. Everytime we left our home, the kids and I would be sitting in the car for at least twenty minutes waiting for him. Grrrrr! Eleven years since our divorce and I can still become furious thinking of the HOURS we spent waiting for him in the car! Thankfully, my BF is as anal as I am about being on time but, his sister is not. We were to meet her and her husband for dinner one evening and after waiting fifteen minutes, I told him I was ready to leave. He looked at me like I was crazy but, agreed to leave. She called him on his cell phone THIRTY MINUTES LATER, when she finally arrived at our agreed upon meeting place, asking where we were. Fifteen minutes is the limit I’ve set for myself to wait. Fifteen minutes is acceptable. If I was waiting for my own, dear, sweet mother, fifteen minutes would still be my limit.

31

I think it is more stressful for the on-time person than it is for the late person. (BTW, I am an early / on-time person.)

The on-time person has the stress of waiting for the late person to be ready topped with the stress of knowing they are going to be late. Top that with the stress of the late person getting pissy with the on-time person when they are “rushed.” The late person has to deal with the stress of being rushed. They don’t care about being late and so do not have to deal with that stress.

Put me in the camp of those who beleive it is inconsiderate to be late.

32

I honestly find 30 minutes to be just about “right” in being late before even I would get a little frustrated.

10 minutes? Hell, given traffic and other assorted slow-down (shit, forgot to get gas/money from ATM/ whatever) could make +/- ten minutes require synchronized watches.

But even still, even if I expected to meet someone for something and they don’t show I just don’t get bothered by it. I don’t require others’ company to have a nice evening on the town or in my own abode.

As for groups… when someone is late to the point where plans are going to fall apart I just say “fuck 'em”, they knew what time to be there.

Mostly professional circumstances. Work itself, job interviews, formal gatherings (hint: dress-up) and so forth. I don’t see that being late is rude, as I mentioned above I just go ahead without 'em, or change plans. In the case of the former, the event was what was important (ie a play or theater production, for example, with prepurchased tickets). In the case of the latter (dinner or something equally ubiquitous) the point would be hanging out with that particular person, so I don’t mind waiting.

Perhaps I just don’t get bored easily, so I am never bothered by “wasted” time, as I see no such thing existing.

:rolleyes: But they should hold your time as ultimately valuable? I’d rather have you call me selfish than be that conceited, sorry to say something like that in a non-Pit area.

That comment, of course, goes for evreyone else commenting on the “rudeness” of being late. That’s a double-edged blade: what the hell makes your time so important? Better yet, what the hell makes the late-comer so important that you’ll hold up plans for them? What is more important to you, the plans or the person?

I apologize for the somewhat harsh tone, but in the words of fighting siblings everywhere, “S/he started it!!!” :stuck_out_tongue:

33

To answer the OP, I believe that always trying to be on time causes more stress than those who don’t care about being on time.

The reasoning for me is that people who are on time are concerned about being on time, and this concern may stress them out if they think they might be late. (At least that’s how I am.) IMHO, people who are late don’t care if they get there on time, thus, no stress.

Count me in as thinking those who are habitually late are rude. It is not a matter of whose time is more important. It is a simple matter of courtesy. The whole point of agreeing on a certain time is so that nobody has to wait around for the other, right?

34

I didn’t say they should hold my time as ultimately valuable. Our time is equally valuable. If you ask me to meet you for dinner at 7:00 and I get to the restaurant at 7:00 and have to wait for you for 30 minutes, because you “just don’t care”, that is completely selfish, rude and disrespectful. If you wanted to have dinner at 7:30, say you’ll meet at 7:30, and actually be there. How difficult is that?

My time is not more valuable, but neither is yours, get it?

35

I think it’s rude,
if you’re the type of person that’s always late.
Think about the waiting person a bit.
I always try to be in time.

36

Why they are late is also important. It’s not a big deal if there is a legitimate reason. What gets me is when they’re late because they just don’t give a shit. I would feel like a complete ass if I made someone wait 30 minutes for me. It’s unbelieveably inconsiderate to do that to people time and again.

37

erislover, the point is that if you agree to show up somewhere at a specific time and don’t show up at that time then you are breaking your agreement. Why even bother on agreeing on a specific time?

38

Exactly. It’s the people who are consistently late and seem to think it’s no big deal that make me mad.
Obviously, if someone gets stuck in a traffic jam, that’s a legitimate reason for being late. If you are planning on meeting someone at a specific time, you should know beforehand if you need gas or money and plan accordingly. (And no, I am not a Type-A person at all; I just find habitual lateness to be very rude. It’s a pet peeve of mine.) It’s that attitude of, “Oh, we said 5:00, so 5:30 is close enough” that is so rude.
I am a teacher and we will be having our Parent’s Meetings soon. This is a short (60-70 minutes) evening meeting the week before school starts, where we go over important things about the school year.
There are always a couple of parents who show up late (30 minutes or more) and it drives me crazy! What really makes me mad is they are the ones who walk in with a coffee from Starbuck’s or a soda from McD’s. Excuse me?!? You had time to stop and get something to drink, but now you’re late to your meeting about your child’s school year?!?

39

I second Kinsey and third ****Airbeck.

Besides, the person is legitimately late will fall all over themselves abjectly apologizing to you. The one who doesn’t give a shit will ask what’s the big deal.

40

The person WHO is legitimately late.

English is my first language, really it is.