Well, all you snow haters can bitch and moan all you want, you can writhe in misery every time a single snowflake falls thinking of your morning commute. Well ya fucking deserve it goddamn whiners! What are you going to do about it other that bitch? You want to know what snow really is? It’s angel shit, raining down on you insignificant little peons. The real kicker is that this whole global warming thing, it’s just a precursor to the next ice age! Bwa HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Oi! Oi! Oi! Come here you little Billy Goats Gruff, get in my BELLY right now!
I like snow…when I can go visit it if I want, and go home where it’s snowless when I get bored.
California DOES have seasons. Maybe not East Coast seasons, but seasons none the less. I know it’s fall when the Big Leaf Maples drop their leaves, and the weather warms up. I know it’s summer when the fog rolls in and stays for a month or more. I know when it’s spring when the sun comes out, the rain cuts back, and all the wild flowers here go into an orgy of bloom. I know it’s winter when it rains and the hills turn green again, when we start seeing frost in the morning, and we can see some snow on the local mountains.
However, i’m glad I don’t have to shovel it (trust me, i’d be the one doing it, all by myself at 5 am in the morning so dad can get out of the driveway to go to work). I also like being able to see things blooming and growing all year long. Also, we don’t have to waste resources on snow shovels, salt, and have to stay in school longer than we should during the summer because school shut down because of a blizard.
There was a certain charm to it at first. After the 4th storm in 10 days, I have about had enough. Snow is for the Rocky Mountain states and for New England. NC is not a snow state dammit. Oh and bye the way ? “I can’t drive in it.” Literally, I can’t go anywhere, the snow is higher than the back of my car. This is the SOUTH for pete’s sake !! I mean sheesh ? Am I gonna have to go to Havanna ?
“Solos Dios basta” . . . but a little pizza won’t hurt.
I love the kind of snow that Satan has right now. The kind of snow that falls when it’s only a few degrees below freezing, with big, fluffy wet flakes. The kind that you can make snowballs and snowmen with, and when you walk in it, it actually makes your jeans wet.
I haven’t seen that stuff in years. As I look out my window to our high-of-18-degrees landscape, I see about 6 inches or so of snow. This snow fell when it was about 18 degrees out. This is not that happy puffy Walkin’-in-a-Winter-Wonderland snow. This is snow that has flakes about the size of dandruff. This is razor-blade, glinty, sharp snow. This is prison-shank snow. There’s nothing pretty or homey about this snow. This is snow that you don’t even want to watch from indoors. This is get-the-fuck-away-from-me evil sumbitch snow.
Why? Because it’s cold. It’s been cold for weeks, hence this snow has been on the ground for weeks. It’s not even snow anymore; it’s frozen white ice blocks. It would probably support my weight if I happened to be stupid enough to try to walk across it. It’s like living in South Park. Every morning, I wake up to near zero ambient air temperatures with wind chills that get damn near -20. And then, early in the morning, right after I’ve been torn from my warm bed, I have to go walk in it. And it’s fucking cold. It’s fornicating cold. It’s fuck your sister just to say you did cold. It’s eyelids freezing open, film of ice glazing over pupils, snot-freezing, oh-fuck-I-can’t-feel-my-face-anymore cold. And it has been for weeks.
So I have to stumble a mile across snow and ice that salt won’t even come close to melting, fearing for my life, in shoes that offer relatively low traction, just so I can get to class, which of course will never be cancelled because we are actually supposed to know how to deal with this shit on a regular basis. So all you people who say you love snow when you watch it from your cozy warm apartments can all go to hell, or move to Columbus.
Not that there’s much of a fucking difference.
“Buffalo Bills? Oh, yeah. The guys that always snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.” --WallyM7