Well, i almost never wear shoes in my place, but that’s purely for my own comfort. Visitors can do what they like, and my friends are considerate enough to make sure, without being harassed, that they don’t drag a whole heap of mud and crap in the door.
The idea that one’s guests should have to scan the house and sniff the air to determine whether or not to take their shoes off is absurd. You say they are rude for not divining that they should remove their shoes, but that is no more rude than expecting your guests to read your mind every time they visit. If you really want shoes off, then make it a consistent rule, and ensure that your place is always neat and clean enough for stocking feet.
I think the idea that it’s proper to remove your shoes at the threshold of someone’s home, while not being as universal as it is in Japan, is generally much more common in Canada than it is in the United States. Usually, if the house is conspicuously clean, there’s an assumption you’re going to remove your street shoes. Student flop-houses, not so much.
Bull, it isn’t clear at all. Large shoe rack by the door could just be for muddy shoes, outdoor only boots… Every place I know with the preference for no shoes has no place for a guest to put their shoes. White carpets are a silly idea, so get them changed. Help those who haven’t got the hint by asking them if they wouldn’t mind removing their shoes so that they don’t risk dirtying your carpet. Most guests might notice and ask, but if you are the host, and you want your gests shoeless, then it is up to you to ask them politely.
My father practically explodes if anyone walks on the carpet with their shoes on. He’s Japanese, and he’ll start screeching, “Muddy shoes! Dirty!” at me if I try. Even if the shoes are brand new.
So I have an automatic flinch reaction about entering people’s houses with my shoes on. Almost everyone my age that I know takes shoes off upon entering a house. Yes, I am Canadian.
It only bothers me if people don’t if it’s really muddy or slushy outside, because then I’ve got to scrub the floor, and I won’t get to it before the kitties have tracked dirt everywhere.
It’s funny, I was going to start a IMHO thread on this very subject a few days ago. As a host, I absolutely HATE it when people take their shoes off when they’re guests in my house. I keep a doormat outside the door and a throw rug inside the foyer, so there’s really no reason my guests would have terribly dirty shoes - and in the dead of winter, when it’s likely that they may possibly have wet shoes even after the mats, asking them to take their shoes off inside the door seems silly - a pile of wet shoes in one place = a puddle I wouldn’t want my guests to step in in their stocking feet! It’s really unappealing to me to have people walking barefoot about my house, and I’m sure it’s much more sanitary to have them walk around with their shoes on then it is to offer them someone’s used slippers! Besides, as someone else mentioned, you’ve gone and gotten nicely dressed for a party and then you spend the evening walking around in stocking feet??
When I am a guest in someone else’s home, I do remove my shoes if there’s any indication that the host would prefer that, but I still hate it. And on one occasion, the hostess had broken a glass shortly before I arrived. She thought she’d gotten all the glass up, but I stepped, in my stocking feet, on a sliver that caused me to then BLEED all over her rug. Yeah, that was way cleaner than my shoes would have been…
People Who Don’t Take Off Their Clothes Upon Entering My Home
I’m aware there are cultural differences. Some people think leaving your clothes on is respectful. Others (I include myself here), think it’s rude. But not rude because you should know better. Rude because you should look at what your hosts do, and when you see that they’re naked, you should know to get naked too.
I don’t always take off my clothes. If the temperature is a bit chilly, by all means keep on your clothes. But if you come in my house, and it’s a warm and toasty 79 degrees, it’s not because I’ve been baking muffins.
When planning my wardrobe for a party or dinner, if I don’t know, I ask the host ahead of time what the rules are. If it’s a “no clothes” house, well I won’t plan to wear my raggedy underwear with a hole in the ass. If it’s summer, I’ll plan accordingly (and make sure I haven’t been sweatin’ to the oldies for 6 hours prior without at least giving my naughty bits a good scrubbing).
Honestly, I don’t care if your body is presentable. Unless it isn’t. Then keep your clothes on!
CheekyMonkey, to me this says that you value your floor more than your guests. Perhaps you should just not have visitors, at least on mopping day? Then you can enjoy your pristine floor in peace.
I usually ask what kind of household I’m entering. Most of my close friends do not keep their shoes on in the house and do prefer guests to remove theirs, but they don’t actually ask. (Except for the one who is allergic to everything and has to steamclean her carpet once a week, practically.) We don’t care, ourselves. We are committed shoeless people, but visitors may do just as they please. I have rarely had anyone besides members of the household track in dirt, but then I live in (usually) sunny California, and we have wood floors in the front, so any dirt can be swept up easily.
I think it’s rude of a host to ask/expect a guest to take off their shoes. I also think it’s rude of a guest to not make sure their shoes are relatively free of dirt before entering a house. Expecting everyone to remove their shoes is insensitive (for the reasons Kalhoun mentioned), obsessive, and weird. It’s sort of like putting plastic on your couch. What the hell are you saving these things for? So you can have clean carpets and couches when you offend the next group of visitors? When your 3 months from death will you finally take the plastic off the couch and run barefoot on the carpet?
If you’re going to require that guests take off their shoes when entering your home, you had better make it easy and convenient to do so.
This includes helping someone out of their expensive ostrich skin Naconas. Either offer to do it by hand or have a boot tree available. Also, make sure there is someplace to sit down while removing the footware or putting them back on. Have shoe horns available.
I’m serious on all these points. Some dress shoes can be just about ruined by not taking them off and putting them in the right way. And boots are very hard to remove while free standing. No, I will not use my other foot as a pry bar to take off dress shoes or boots. I pay a lot of money for them and I take of them.
So, if you are going to demand, or even suggest, that we all remove whatever footware we have on, you better be prepared to make the experience just like what we do at home.
I had a friend who wanted people to take their shoes off in her house, but at least she had a sign by the door that said “please remove your shoes”. Two even… one outside the door and one right inside the door. (Her whole house was very Kuntry Kute, and apparently you can get all kinds of signs that say things like this at your local craft mall.) I never cared for it, though… especially since she had creepy little Chihauhaus that liked to attack people’s toes.
I’m not very observant and would never notice shoe racks by doors or if someone’s been spraying something. I also have naturally quite smelly feet - if I know I’m going somewhere where I have to take my shoes off I would have to scrub my feet for about three hours beforehand so, really, I’d rather not go there than have to go to all this bother.
On the other hand when I do go to exceptionally clean houses I specifically want to keep my shoes on because I can clean my shoes easier than I can clean my feet. If they make me take my shoes off it always happens like this:
they ask me to remove my shoes
I issue a warning that they probably don’t want me to remove my shoes coz my feet are smelly
they don’t take me seriously and think I’m joking
I assure them I’m not joking and they that REALLY don’t want me to remove my shoes
they still don’t fully appreciate the magnitude of the smell they are about to unleash in their home and insist
I take off shoes and spend the next hour cringing with embarrassment (because I can smell my feet gradually taking over their nice clean home) and waiting for the first opportunity to get the hell outta there and privately vowing never to go there again
It seems to me that it would matter who I’ve invited over and why before deciding whether or not someone was being rude.
Shoes-on situations:
You invited your boss over for dinner.
You’re interviewing a prospective employee.
You’re throwing a moderate to large-size party where some guests don’t know one another.
You have areas where there are hardwood floors (dangerous for people like myself who are prone to slip).
Shoes-off situations:
You invite the relatives over to watch movies.
You throw a small party for close friends, and everyone knows one another.
The weather is really bad and the threat of muddy carpets is very real.
Personally, I don’t like showing even my stocking feet, even around friends. I feel naked and uncomfortable, like I’m exposing my privates. Plus, I feel safer knowing my toes are protected from being stepped on and being stubbed. I wear shoes when I’m home for these very reasons (except I take them off in the bathroom). I have a high tolerance for dirt, though.
I love to take my shoes off and would love to do it just about anywhere, but that doesn’t seem to be the cultural norm in most houses, so I don’t. But if I got the stong hint (or was asked) that it would be preferred to take my shoes off, then it’s no problem.
However, for reasons others have mentioned, sometimes it’s not convenient (or is embarassing) to take off ones’ shoes.
For instance, my sister has a fake leg. She has these big clod-hopper shoes that are hard to get on the fake leg, so she usually leaves the shoe on the leg and just removes the leg at night.
I don’t think it would be very nice at all to expect her to take off both of her shoes. In fact, I don’t think she can take off the shoe on her fake leg all that easily. She usually pulls off the entire leg and then removes the shoe. And she doesn’t really like pulling off her leg in someone else’s house, sorry.
Life’s too short to worry about floors. Leave your shoes on, or take them off; I don’t care. The company of my guests means more than the state of my floor.
My doctor wants me to wear some sort of footgear at all times when I’m awake. I’m allowed to remove my shoes to go to bed, or to take a shower. I am NOT supposed to walk around barefoot. Not anywhere. Diabetics are supposed to always wear footwear, and you won’t always know who is and who isn’t a diabetic.
Since I pay my doctor vast sums of money to give me medical advice, I do believe that I’ll follow it.
Man, this must be a cultural thing. I’ve lived in Texas for 54 years and never once has the thought crossed my mind to take off my shoes when coming into someone’s house, nor has a guest ever once taken off their shoes in my house. Well, other than overnight guests - but you get the point.
In fact, I think most people I know would be a bit wierded out by a guest in their sock feet.
Does this shoeless thing apply even to formal dinner parties?
I believe we may have found the true difference between United Statesians and Canadians. I’ve lived in Western Canada all my life, with the nine months of winter that entails each year, and stopping at the front door and taking all muddy, wet, snowy boots off before coming into the house proper is what is done here at every house I’ve ever been in. If one of you shoe-leaver-onners came to my house in winter and left your muddy boots on to walk around my house, I would not be happy. If you came in summer when it’s not as muddy out and left your shoes on, I would still be a little surprised, because taking your footwear off at the door is so ingrained in us. Shoes are dirty. Therefore they come off at the door.
(That explains US tv shows with people wearing shoes inside all the time. I’ve often wondered about that.)
I believe we’ve had previous threads on this subject. I remember because it was the first time that I had ever heard of places outside Japan where guests were expected to remove their shoes. I’m American, and it would never, ever occur to me to take off my shoes anywhere except in my bed, in the shower, or at summer activities like the pool or beach. You would definitely have to specifically ask me if you wanted me to remove my shoes, because no amount of hinting, cleaning supplies, or shoe racks would cause me to think that it was expected.
I spent all day Saturday on my hands and knees waxing my floor, but I still wear shoes from the time I get home until the time I go to bed. Like you said, cultural differences.
I missed your post in our simulpost, bnorton. I haven’t gone to a lot of formal dinner parties, but the most formal would involve taking a clean pair of shoes to change into at the door, so you can leave your dirty outside shoes in the porch/front foyer area. For anything less than a strictly formal dinner, all guests are in stocking feet. We plan for it - putting on clean socks before going to a house party, making sure you don’t have holes in your socks, that kinda thing. This is definitely cultural.
Well, I guess I have to go visiting in the States to weird you guys out.
