I am SO SICK of sanctimonious threads by those healthier-than-thou fuckers who don’t take/won’t let their kids go trick-or-treating. Or if they do, they seize the candy and ration it out sloooooowly, one Twizzler at a time.
Fuck you!
Give it up and cut loose for once. None of this “we dress up, go look at the decorations, and then eat Subway”. What the fuck is that? That’s not Halloween!
Oh, my kid might binge on sugar - Yeah? So? It’s a rite of passage.
Oh, it smacks of begging - Yeah? So? Sometimes you’re on the asking end of things, it’s part of the social contract.
Oh, they don’t actually need candy - Really? Is that what they said? I can just hear them “Oh, mummy, I shan’t be collecting goodies this yeah, there are fahr more important things for me to do. Instead I’ll be asking for socks for orphans.”
I just want to know how many of these parents are perfect themselves, free of all excesses and diversions. And of that subgroup, how many have half a brain? Or a life? Because carrying on, acting up, goofing off, doing too much or too little — they’re all NORMAL!!! Gaaaah! This “stay between the lines at all times” mentality among parents drives me bonkers!
Now, if your kid’s diabetic, or the neighborhood is full of crackhouses, well then you no doubt need to make some adjustments. You have my sympathies, but I nonetheless wish you a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! Go out and raise some ruckus in whatever way suits you!
My mother didn’t have to ration I would separate the candy into the different groups, chocolate in one bag, suckers in another, etc. Then hide the bags in various places so my brothers wouldn’t find them. I would eventually find a bag I had forgotten about months later and wonder if it was still safe to eat.
After a certain age, my mom stopped rationing out the candy. After the initial two- or three-day gluttony fest, most of the candy would just rot in a desk drawer.
Did I fucking knock on your door? Am I shoving Hershey bars into your kid’s pockets?
No.
Do I really truly give a flying fuck what you do?
Hell no.
Howsomever…When people take it upon themselves to announce, with pious inflection, that Their children Won’t be partaking in Certain Customs, there are some of us who are Not Impressed. In fact, we think you’re BORING.
Ah, I see. It’s only about the threads and the threadstarters. Those of us who might choose to celebrate Halloween differently or not at all are just peachy as long as we don’t announce it? Just being clear.
Meanwhile all the candy fiends get to gleefully announce that they’re being Good Parents by letting their kids dress up and eat candy until they puke, unlike Some People Who Should Remain Silent.
Hell, I like Halloween, don’t have kids, hand out tons of candy, but the “don’t discuss your lack of participation!” cry is lame. One could say that Halloween pushers are just as holier-than-thou and just as irritating to some.
I can see if you’re complaining about rationing to say, 10-11 year olds and over. But no way would I let a five year old have limitless access to that kind of candy. Let’s have some perspective, shall we?
Did I not wish a Happy Halloween to people who choose to celebrate in a manner which suits their particular circumstances? I believe I did.
Let me be more specific:
In particular, it’s the “OMG, Halloween trick-or-treating is so mainstream, my children have much better things to do” mentality that is so fucking irksome. As though all activities embraced by the masses are automatically suspect - nay, inferior. Fuck that.
And let me also state, I did not step into their particular nests of support and reinforcement to piss on their party. For one thing, they don’t have a Pit. And for another, I imagine they benefit from communion with their brethren. Different strokes, and all that.
It’s just all so fucking DULL. This battle, this race to raise “perfect children”, whether through conventional or unconventional means. MY GOD. So what if they do something stupid and consumerist once in a while. Turning up one’s nose at all societal conventions is just as limiting as following them to the letter. “Oh, little Phin can’t have any candy unless it’s organic, vegan and sugar-free.”
