Who says you need to be accepted by the Dopers? Sure, they’re the least ignorant forum community on the internet, but that’s not saying much.
You should only suck up to someone when you have the possibility of getting money, sex, and/or food out of it.
Okay. Fair enough. Of course, we’ll want you to drop your convenience as well. No more “you” for you. Type out the names of all whom you are addressing.
I used to refer to my wife as my wife, or J, or occasionally ladyhauke, but now she has her own screenname which is available light.
How about, oh I dunno, The Merman maybe?
I don’t think anyone will ever top your “Doctor Boyfriend.” That always made me smile.
If I ever get someone, he’ll be “Mr. X.” But don’t hold your breath.
Carnick wrote:
Well, if you’re going to declare it impossible, I guess you won’t be getting any of those three things. I don’t share your defeatist attitude, however.
Hey, Lib: I think Carnick should be prohibited the use of all pronouns, not just the one.
I believe that’s “piss in your post toasties” 
I call my so, boyfriend, man who shares my bed type person Ardred. It makes him ‘seem’ like a poster when he’s really not. (he finds the internet to be a strange and frightening place… or just boring most of the time)
I bet Carnick (and Mrs. Carnick) really hate me.
Ardred is his iconic D&D character. I could call him by some of his other D&D names, but then I’d be even more of a geek.
“Man who shares my bed?!?” Is he your laaaaavaaar? Do you feed each other roast gooseflesh by the hearth?
That would be Mr. Fuckhead to you. My wife would be Mrs. Fuckhead.
Well, I don’t like the sound of “SO” or “partner” (too clinical) or “boyfriend” (too short-term).
I don’t want to have to keep explaining who “Pat” is.
We’re not married.
He has a username, but I don’t think he’s ever made a post.
So, Mr Mercury works best of all, I think.
[QUOTE=Carnick]
Yes, it might be convenient, but it’s lame. Incredibly lame. Can’t you people see that? Why can’t you use “my wife,” or “my husband”? Are tried and true words that have been used for hundreds of years too conformist for you hippies?
[QUOTE]
No, constantly referring to “my wife” or “my husband” is stupid and lame, and I don’t know anyone who talks like that, except for a few sad cases for whom marriage is the one big accomplishment in their lives. I went to lunch with a friend of mine who kept talking about “my fiance” this and “my fiance” that, and by the time we’d placed our orders, I was ready to stab her in the eye with my fork. HE IS A HUMAN BEING WITH AN EXISTANCE OUTSIDE YOUR RELATIONSHIP, AND HE HAS A NAME. USE IT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
And, of course, there’s also the tiny, insignificant fact that married people have referred to one another as Mrs./Mr. Whatever in social settings for hundreds of years. What, that tried and true social convention too conformist for you?
Italics mine.
And now we get to the bottom of the pitting. This guy is an elitist who sees himself as the guiding light to all the ignorant slobs who frequent this message board.
Sure we’re better than the dreck over at webeslobs.com and trailertrash.org, but not by a large measure. But with Carnick’s guidance, we surely will be lifted from our marginal IQs to a level comparable to…oh…say…that of Carnick.
Fuck off and take Ms. Carnick with you.
So I guess it really pisses you off, Carnick, that the mysterious columnist Cecil Adams refers to his mysterious wife as Mrs Adams and refers to his children as “the little researchers.” Jeez, must be tough to be the only conformist in a room full of non-conformists.
Well, I call him “Mr zoogirl” because he doesn’t post here and I don’t think I should use his real name. We’re not technically married but we’ve been together twenty-three years and have kids. Boyfriend hardly cuts it. We usually use husband and wife, or "my old man/lady. (Yeah, yeah, no Surrey jokes, okay? :rolleyes: ) I don’t want to use “zooguy” because I think my boss uses it for some stuff on the net.
I refer to our teenage boys as Kid, the Elder and Kid, the Younger. Okay, maybe that’s a little affected. I could just continue the zoo theme and call them the critters!
Wel, my bf registered finally, so I no longer have to refer to him as the Goboyfriend. His nick is JustKiddng (yes, the second “i” is missing), although he has not yet posted.
Happy, Carnick?
You make the mistake of assuming I want to guide people with my brilliance. Like all true elitists I sit in my room, alone, looking down on the people below from my dirty windows, wondering why everyone has an SO but me.
And I’m anal?
Oh, snap! Case closed, Carnick loses.
[QUOTE=CrazyCatLady]
[QUOTE=Carnick]
Yes, it might be convenient, but it’s lame. Incredibly lame. Can’t you people see that? Why can’t you use “my wife,” or “my husband”? Are tried and true words that have been used for hundreds of years too conformist for you hippies?
That’s Mr./Mrs. Lastname, not Mr./Mrs. Cutesy Nickname. If you don’t want to use a title like “my husband/wife” every time, than use their goddamn first name.
I’m no hax0r, but I don’t think you can do anything nefarious with just a first name. Some of you people need to stop being so paranoid, you’re not important enough to warrent an internet stalker’s attention. Or you could always use a fake name, like, Amy instead of Alice.
I meant warrant, of course.
But then I’d have to remember what fake name I used in what context. There’s no way I could do that. Besides, I’ve gone through three The Devil’s Grandfathers in the time I’ve been posting here. I’ve settled on one finally, which does make things easier, I must admit.
I would also argue that within this board, I am The Devil’s Grandmother, just as surely as in the “real world” I am the name my parents gave me at birth. Referring to my SO as The Devil’s Grandfather or Mr. Previous Username is as sensible as our referring to each other as Mr./Mrs. Real Last Name to people who don’t know us. The use of first names without tedious explanations would lead to confusion as people would be uncertain whether I was taking about my brother “Dave”, my husband “Dave”, my coworker “Dave” or the plant who sits on my desk whose name is also “Dave”.