People with genetic problems, do you regret or avoid having kids

Do you have any physical or psychological genetic problems and as a result do not want to have children out of fear that they will have the same problem? Do you think you made the right decision? Do you trust that in the next 20 years or so medical science will figure out a cure or do you still worry enough to avoid it.

Part of the reason my SO and I haven’t had kids is that we don’t want to take a chance on passing along our psychological problems. Whether or not we made the right decision doesn’t matter now that we’re not capable of having kids.

What kind of problems out of curiosity? I have several genetic defects to my psyche (schizophrenia, anxiety and depression) which gave birth to other crappy mindsets like neediness and overt fear. As of now they are mostly under control and I’m relatively happy and content but it took alot of cognitive work and nutritional supplementation to get to where I am now. It took several years of research, meditation and weeding/planting new cognitive views of myself and the world (which is the purpose of therapies like CBT). And I still get depressed from time to time and when I’m in a depression I always vow to never have kids for fear they’ll end up the same way. Then when the depression lifts and life seems ok I feel that people will figure out something sooner or later so my kids won’t have to feel that way. But still, I think I’m making the right decision.

Depression–specifically Dysthemia–on my part; schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, and a load of other stuff on hers. Learning disabilities for both of us.

I manage just fine without medication but go through cycles Major Depression every four to five years and she’s a walking drugstore, which is another reason that we haven’t had kids. She’s not interested because of her medication.

FYI (disclaimer: I work for a company that supports a network of fertility care physician clinics) there is a test procedure that enables at-risk couples to screen embryos for certain conditions - mostly physical issues, such as cystic fibrosis, Tay-Sachs disease, Down’s Syndrome, etc.

The procedure is called PGD = Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis

I don’t know if it can be used at this point to screen for physiologically-based mental issues such as schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, etc., but suspect that the answer currently is “not at this time.”

The procedure is readily available at most fertility clinics nationally. There are some people who have ethical issues with PGD (as well as folks who have issues with fertility treatment in general - YMMV). Things like whether Downs’ Syndrome should be screened for, whether PGD should be used to check gender (most clinics will not do PGD for this purpose) etc…but the bottom line is that this type of test is a wonderful thing for at-risk couples for disorders that PGD can detect…

Hope this helps.

That sounds like the plot from Gattica. Not that I’d be against it. if I could screen out a genetic child that inherited my strengths but didn’t inherit my weaknesses I’d be ok with it.

The thing is I don’t think things like schizophrenia or depression are as easily understood as Downs syndrome. Down’s syndrome is just an extra chromosome while schizophrenia and depression involve endless genes working together that may not even be expressed negatively in the individual’s life unless some major stressor occurs. Besides the inheritibility of schizophrenia is only about 10% meaning if one parent has it there is only a 10% chance the child will get it. But it still isn’t worth the risk.

Well, let’s see- the glaringly obvious problem is that both my husband and I are alcoholics. I would REALLY hate to see either of my boys end up curled up inside a bottle, but there is an excellent chance that they will, from what I understand about alcoholism. (Don’t start a debate in this thread, that is my opinion and while I AM a drunk, IANAD)

Of course, one of my kids is mildly autistic, and that came right out of left field…

My husband is also REALLY colorblind, but as I do not carry the gene, there was no way to pass it on.

Would I be afraid of having girls if I carried the breast cancer gene? No, I would still have kids.

My beautiful baby daughter Sophie was born last summer. She stayed in the hospital 5 days to allow my wife to recover from a c-section and then we brought her home. Everything looked great. During my birthday party two days later, she stopped feeding and had mild seizures. We took her to the hospital and there she went into full-blown seizures. They rushed her to the best care in the world at Children’s Hospital Boston. Doctors were completely baffled as they ran test after test that came back negative. All that they could tell us was that she probably wouldn’t live whatever it was. They brought in the best doctors and researchers from Harvard Medical School and they were all puzzled. Finally, an older geneticist remembered a similar case that he had heard about two decades before. He suspected that it was one of the rarest genetic disorders in the world called Sulfite Oxidase Deficiency. Fewer than 100 cases had been ever reported worldwide. Sophie died in my arms after 6 weeks in the neo-natal ICU. Harvard doctors called us this month and confirmed that the test they created for her showed Sulfite Oxidase Deficiency.

That means that me and my wife both have this incredibly rare recessive gene that probably got passed by a common ancestor in England many generations ago. If we have another child, it will have a 25% chance of the same thing happening. Our 3 year old daughter is in the clear. Harvard Researchers have taken an interest in our case and are developing an in utero test that can detect the gene combination at 10 weeks of pregnancy. We won’t know the results for another 3 weeks and if it comes back positive, it will force an abortion. I don’t like abortion much but is better than watching a child a child slip into death while running up over $200,000 in medical bills with nothing to show for it.

Even if you have no way of predicting these things, there are still plenty of rare genetic diseases that can affect a child.

Neither would I if I were a woman. Breast cancer isn’t really a major risk in my view. If you catch it in stage one the survival rate is over 90%. And a person with breast cancer can live a full, gratifying life and then suddenly at age 40, while getting properly screened find out they have it and get an operation to remove it. I don’t know tons about breast cancer though, but I assume that is how it works if you catch it early. Just excise it and it is not a major life event from that point on.

There are tons of diseases we are all predisposed to in one way or another. But I personally am more concered about the untreatable, truly debilitating diseases like bipolar disorder or alcoholism. The ones that strike when you are a young adult and taint your entire life and ability to enjoy life. If all I had to worry about was testicular cancer or something like that I’d just have kids and make sure they knew to get screened properly and to take preventative action.

Shagnasty - that is really sad to hear. I am an uncle and even though an uncle isn’t the same as being a father I know what it would do to me if my soon to be one year old niece (who is also named Sophie) went through the same thing. I can barely imagine watching my child die or decend into mental illness or alcoholism. No pain I’ve ever felt would compare to that. I guess its a mixture of selfishness and selflessness, not wanting yourself to suffer and not wanting your loved ones to suffer either.

Right now, hubby and I don’t want children. Mainly due to money, and where our life is at the moment (and the fact that I don’t like kids). But hubby also has a genetic disorder known as Stickler’s Syndrome. There’s a 50% chance that any children we had would have the same problems. And while it’s not fatal, hubby’s had to suffer a lot of surgery as a small child, is nearly blind in one eye due to retinal detachment, and can look forward to various heart and other conditions worsening as he ages. Couple that with the fact that one side of my family seems to have a tendency towards autism, and the other has depression and alcoholism to chime in with, and that’s a grab-bag I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, let alone any offspring.

Thank for the sentiment. This thread is a little sobering (no pun intended) for me in other ways. I am bipolar and a recovering alcoholic. My family is bred for alcoholism the way that greyhounds are bred for racing. One parent, three grandparents, 5 uncles and aunts, and 4 great-grandparents were alcoholics. I was raised by my mother (a non-alcoholic) and always told about the family dangers. I even listened and made my promises. I went to college in New Orleans where drinking was everywhere. I was fine for the first two years and drank like everyone else. Junior year, I literally felt this change coming on in a very short period. It was like a werewolf sprouting fur and I thought, “Uh Oh”, this isn’t going to end well. That started a 10 year downward spiral where I looked like a normal, successful person during the day and a raging drunk every single night with extremely few exceptions.

The Bipolar thing was hell on earth too especially combined with alcoholism (the majority of bipolar people also abuse alcohol or other drugs). That comes from my mother’s side of the family. Her brother was Bipolar, abused drugs and alcohol, and killed himself at age 40. Unipolar depression is also common on that side of the family. I didn’t even know how bad it was until I had to collect a family history for that sort of thing for my own doctors. The good news about Bipolar Disorder is that it has a really good chance of a full and permanent remission with well-studied drugs. It seems to be working for me so far.

I am a little relieved that I had a daughter. The research is still coming in but it appears that these disorders are somewhat sex-linked. Only time will tell but I will have to figure out a way to warn her of the family dangers. The good news is that stuff doesn’t run in my wife’s family.

Writing this out, my genetic history sounds like a wreck. I plea for mercy because we are intelligent, attractive, energetic, and oddly enough, have good longevity if we don’t commit suicide.

I did think about it before having children but you can’t ever guarantee an outcome one way or the other. If I have another child, the odds are much worse than Russian Roulette and just as fatal.

One of my childhood friends as identical twin daughters with cystic Fibrosis.

They learned later on that the girls carry two different kinds of CF and one comes from her and one comes from him. ( Interestingly enough, identical twins with CF -they think after 30 years of studies - are formed because one of the cf genes splits the egg in two.)

CF apparently runs rampant in French Canadian ancestry. (and another branch of humanity that I forget at this moment.)

Her husband is scared to death to sleep with her ever again, even with being fixed and other precautions because raising their two daughters with this condition has consumed every ounce of their lives and souls.
Meanwhile back at the Ranch
My four brothers have/had Muscular Dystrophy. It is a bitch of a disease x a google. If I weren’t adopted and blood related, I would have never had children.

The only way to cure a disease like this is to eradicate it through sterlization. You can’t treat it, but possibly retard some of the symptoms through a shitload of meds that have side effects. Which, by the way, cost money and you are on disability. and really doesn’t show much hope for anything. What kind of life is that? It that cold hearted enough? Apparently yes, through the eyes of my Catholic family. And the irony is medically assisted suicide is poo pooed upon by this same family, but its ok to waste away for years and years slowly have your life sucked out of you and your own family and caretakers until pnuemonia or a heart attack finally kills you. I’ll fucking blow my brains out before I burden my family with something horrible.

(FTR I have two neices and a nephew from two brothers. The nieces, who are in their mid 30’s have it are confind to a wheelchair now. I haven’t seen them in over 30 years. The nephew is 11 and shows now sign of it, but neither did my brothers when they were kids. My bet (and my mothers is with me on this) is he has it. He’ll be dead by 45ish. (three of my brothers died at 44, 45 and 50)
Is it selfish to generate a human life that has a very high chance of having a horrible disease?

Lemme put it to you this way, when my mom called me on the phone to tell me my SIL was pregnant, my mother was in tears saying, “She’s going to bury her son…she’s going to bury her son…”
Oh, and when you have a child with some kind of disability, you lose a shitload of your friends and become an island.

A lonely Island.

People can’t handle the emotional buzzkill of a child that needs constant medical condition or worse, in a wheelchair. The parental unit, cut off from the Real World and absorbed into the Big Fucking Scary World of Neverending Shit has lost the ability to talk about anything else but the kid(s), disease, insurance, meds, and doctor’s visits. The parent become an expert in these matters to a PhD level, but their ability to relate to people talking about their perceived problems with healthy kids and two incomes just doesn’t happen anymore. It becomes a chasm.

Oh, and when your kids get really really sick and are in a hospital -or worse- a group home group homes are the saddest places on earth that I’ve seen., whatever friends and family you do have, really disappear. yes, relatives disappear ( only to reappear for funerals…cause that is the kind of depressing thing they can handle. One day in a incense smelling world where the stiff is cleaned up and ‘asleep’ and it lasts about two hours with minimal verbal uncomfortableness.)

People cannot handle constant depressing shit like this. They would rather live in a bubble of HappyFeelGoodWarmFuzzyFeelings. I wish I could too. tra la la la…

The only perk of all of this, and through all of this is that those that are with you through it all are the ones you never thought were great friends ( more like perphial friends) and the ones you considered Best Friends or Really close, disappear faster than a fart in the wind. The ones that stand by your side through it all are ones that have usually either been through something like that or know someone very close that has. These friends are better than your best day ever at work or in life and are like a burst of sunshine through a stormy day or a port in a storm. A constant port in rough waters.

Sincerely, from the bottom of my cold shriveled heart,

Shirely ‘The Buzzkill’ Ujest

Wesley, it’s a bit of a coincedence that you asked this question… For the past couple months, I’ve been second-guessing my ability to care for a child. I want to be a mother, I do. Badly. But I’m considering not going through with it because I’m Bipolar. It’s not so much that I don’t want to pass my genes on, but the fact that I don’t want to negatively affect my son or daughter with my horrible mood swings.

Neither of my parents were ever diagnosed with mental illness (because they never admitted they needed help), but looking back, I can see that my father suffered from alcoholism, major depression and OCD for most of his life, and my mother… well, I’ve begged her to get on some kind of meds for anxiety and occasional agressive outbursts. They both affected me in a very negative way just by being themselves in my upbringing. I’ve seen how my own illness has affected my husband, friends and family.

I would want to be the Best Mom In The World, but I’m not so sure that I’d be stable enough (at the moment, I’m still deep in the woods with the Bipolar thing). The thought of somehow tainting a child’s view on the world just with my personality scares the hell out of me. I hate that I’m almost 31 and in this unsure state of mind. I feel like the clock is ticking and I’m under pressure to make a decision soon.

I have a genetic blood condition, a alcoholic family, and was a victim of severe child abuse. I do not for one second regret not having children–the risk factors are off the chart.

I, too, am a recovering alkie. And yes, it scares the bejesus out of me to think that one of my boys will inherit this. It is something that is constantly in the back of my mind. Each boy has a 50/50 chance (actually moreso, because hub has some alkies on his side too) and if I think about it too long it makes me cry. I most certainly don’t want to face the problems that I provided my parents. It’s hell I tell you. I’m still amazed that my parents have forgiven me. Granted, it’s been 15 years, but some things must stick in the mind, like going after Mom with a knife. hangs head in sorrow

I will say though, that I will watch my children like a hawk when the situation becomes more timely. They’re only 4 and 1 right now. The 1 year-old already likes beer! I yell at hub every time he gives him a sip.

My only selfish consolation is this: I had kids when in late 30’s, so maybe I’ll be dead before they get sick. Isn’t that horrible? :wally

You might want to investigate to see if other bipolar people who have their condition under control feel they’re doing a good job of parenting. I mean, people with all sorts of disabilities raise children. And contrary to popular belief, even though we all WANT to be The Best Mom In The World ™, there isn’t a one of us out there that hasn’t made mistakes. Even BIG ones – regardless of our mental or physical state. There are no perfect parents (even though many would like you to THINK they are).

Human beings are not perfect. You will make errors. You’ll be disproportionately pissed off at your kids sometimes. You’ll give permission to do something and that decision will come back to bite you in the ass. You’ll sometimes wonder why you decided to have a child. You’ll immerse yourself in the love you feel for him and he for you. You’ll watch with pride when they do the right thing without being asked.

Life’s a journey. If you feel strongly about having a child, talk to your doctor. Talk to other bipolar parents. Talk to your family about a support system. It can be done…it is done all the time. And it’s rewarding for many.

Thanks for the pep talk. I have to say, reading Maastricht’s parenting thread got my biological clock tick-tick-ticking & made me even more depressed.

I know it’s silly to think I don’t have enough time to sort things out, but dangit, I’ll be 31 this month. I’m trying to summon the tiny rational part of my brain & not freak out about it.

After LilMiss was born - three years after - I found out I have Polycystic Kidney Disease. It’s 100% genetic, but being adopted I didn’t have a clue. Not much I can do about that now. She runs a 50/50 chance of having it also. We’ve decided to wait until she’s older to test for it, as the form I have doesn’t become readily apparent until late teens. We’ve done what we could to minimize any problems that arise from the disease - no ibuprofin unless really necessary and a healthy lifestyle. If it happens, it happens.

Mental health issues run in her dad’s family - his mom, aunt, and grandmother are schizophrenic and paranoid. This has become more obvious in the past few years. His mom is usually medicated, aunt and grandmother are not. Her dad and her paternal great uncle don’t show signs of mental illness.

The fear of mental health issues scares me more than the kidney disease, to be honest. I can handle the PKD. The other stuff, I don’t know. We no longer have a relationship with LilMiss’s paternal grandmother and relatives due to their behaviour. I know it’s the disease, but it’s difficult to deal with them when they aren’t stable. I don’t want LilMiss to have to deal with life the way they do.

Would I have another child, knowing it has a 50/50 chance of PKD? Sure. Not that I’m going to have another kid - uhuh, no way. Luckily the disease is workable. You don’t die from PKD, you die from a multitude of conditions heightened by the PKD (aneurysms, heart disease). It’s a crap shoot.

Yeah… I’ve got a 2/3 chance of being a CF carrier, and my boyfriend? French Canadian. (well, French Canadian, Algonquin, and Dutch, actually) Plus we both have strong family histories of addictive tendencies and general mental health issues… as well as a bunch of miscellaneous health problems on his mom’s side. On the other hand, we also have strong family histories of being smart and talented as hell. If we ever decide to have a kid (singular, not plural) much thought and genetic testing will be required.

Cystic fibrosis is one thing. I can understand that. But addicts in the family? Show me one that doesn’t have someone who drinks, smokes, or pops too much. If we all stopped procreating because of addiction issues, keeee-rist. We’d be wiped off the face of the earth in 100 years!