The California State Supreme Court has released their ruling in the San Francisco gay marriage case, and ruled that Mayor Newsom did not have the authority to issue the licenses, and that the marriages are null and void.
I knew that was going to be their decision, but it still hurts. Under the very narrow grounds they defined it on, correctly, Newsom does not have the authority. Even so, they did have the option of letting the marriages be in limbo until the courts had made a constitutional finding on same-sex marriage. I know, they don’t like leaving big loose ends like that, but still, I had to hope.
What I can’t figure out is why getting married meant so much to me, and why this decision hurts? I don’t love my husband any more or less becuase of the legal status of our relationship. In practical terms, my day to day life isn’t going to change. Even if the Supreme Court had said that my marriage was fully legal, it would have no meaning federally. But still, it hurts that this is the way it has to go for now.
And now, I feel weird using the term husband. I didn’t like to do it before we were married, I told myself my feelings were becuase it was too stuffy and formal. But getting married, I suddenly started using it. Now it feels strange to use “husband” again. I guess it does matter to me whether or not we are married. It also felt great when people saw my ring and asked me if I was married to say YES! Now I have to go back to saying, “Not legally, but in our hearts” which isn’t nearly as much fun to say.
There is hope though, the decision was written very narrowly, and they were very careful to stress that they were not precluding the possibility of same-sex marriages in Ca, after it works its way up through the courts. So heres hoping, and I am going to go home and bring some flowers to my partner. Ugg, I miss calling him my husband already.