Performing at Jewish Wedding: Dos & Don'ts

In My Humble Opinion
1

Need your sage advice.

My 2 non-Jewish friends & I are performing at a Jewish wedding. Is it true that vocal music is not performed? Is it prohibited? And if you know why, tell me, please (I’m just curious).

Are there any other things I should be aware of? In this case, we have piano, 2 flutes, tenor sax, violin (not all playing at the same time of course, we’re not THAT talented :slight_smile: )

Here’s what we’re doing:

Misc. prelude music–we’re staying away from Jewish music since we really aren’t versed in the genre and would probably make tempo/style misinterpretations. This is mostly soothing classical music, nothing religious.

Playing for the seating of the Parents/Grandparents: Wind Beneath my Wings (Piano & Flute duet)
Playing for Processional (attendants and bride): All I Ask of You (?) Some piece from Andrew Lloyd Weber musical again 2 flutes & piano
Recessional: Hornpipe alla Danza by (I think, Handel, I’d have to get the music to make sure), just flute & piano

Then playing for cocktail hour: Miscellanous (mostly) show tunes, some jazzy stuff.

I don’t want to list all here because it’s a pretty long list, and again, we’ve stayed away from Jewish songs. Well, we’ve got Sunrise, Sunset (is composer Jerry Bock Jewish?) as the closest thing.

We’re not planning to add any songs at this point, but I want to know if there is anything (songs, style) we should stay away from…I may be being paranoid but I don’t want any faux pas (sp?, you know what I mean).

2

Depends a lot on the degree of religious observance of the couple and their families, as well as their musical tastes. Why don’t you talk to them a bit? I’ve never heard of a prohibition on vocal music, but then I can’t remember going to a Jewish wedding where there was any, at least during the ceremony portion. And my family is about as Reform as they get, for the most part.

And to me, a Jewish wedding without a single hora isn’t a Jewish wedding at all. YMMV.

3

  1. Don’t fart out loud in the service.

  2. Bring a copy of Berlitz “Modern Hebrew” book.

  3. Do not blow your nose in your Yamulke.

  4. Don’t be offended when they call you goi. (cattle, Jews feel that Gentiles are subhuman to them.)

  5. Don’t tell Jewish jokes- Ex. What is a Jewish dilemma?
    A free ham.

  6. Get drunk on the manishevitz.

  7. Wear a lot of expensive jewelrey, because the Jewish goldigger girls will think you have money and hit on you.

  8. If you do like a girl at the reception, do not dance too close to her because you might break her nose.

That’s all I know.

4

**corndog man, ** I’m not generally uptight about these things, but I find several of the items you list above offensive. Are you serious? I certainly hope not.

(“goy,” by the way, not “goi,” simply means “non-Jew.” It is occasionally used perjoratively, but it does not by any means mean “cattle.” And if you start on the whole thing about Jews thinking non-Jews are subhuman, well, I may just have to Pit my very first Doper.)

5

The sad thing is that statement is probably true.

6

“Goy” means “nation.” “Goyim” means “nations.” Calling non-Jews as “goy” (plural: “goyim”) is simply calling them part of the world, while Jews are part of “Eretz Yisrael” (“Land of Israel”) or “Am Yisrael” (“People of Israel”) or “Beit Ya’akov” (“House of Jacob”) (there are other phrases, but the gist is the same). The world may be divided into Eretz Yisrael and ha-goyim, or the Land of Israel and the rest of the world (or the nations).

Many Jews do feel that non-Jews are different from them, but this is not unique to Jews. Duh! Jews and Jews, non-Jews are non-Jews! This is mild compared to many Christians who feel that non-Christians (or unsaved people) are heathen scum, fuel for Hell’s fire, and not worth even thinking about. Jews, on the other hand, have no such belief (at least not the majority of them), and believe in the intrinsic value of all people.

After all:
“Vayyivra El-him et-ha’adam betzalmo, betzelem El-him bara 'oto. Zakhar unqeivah bara 'otam” (Brereshit 1:27).
“And God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them” (Genesis 1:27).

Jews honor everything created by G-d; humanity moreso because humanity was created in His image.

Points seven and eight are preposterous. They don’t even deserve a response.

WRS

7

You’ll do fine. Just don’t play any Christmas or Easter stuff, and don’t try to play something Jewish just because they’re Jewish. Jews are normal people after all.

I do not know of any prohibition of vocal singing - unless it’s an Orthodox or ultra-Orthodox wedding, in which case women may not sing. But if that were the case, you would have been told.

Tangent: one of the best things about attending Yom Kippur services is that one’s able to experience the wonderful melodies men use in davening (“praying”). It’s remarkable.

In one word: RELAX. B"H you’ll be fine.

WRS

8

I was an attendant in my best friend’s highly Conservative verging on Orthodox wedding, and there was vocal music preceeding the ceremony and during the portion of the ceremony when she circled her groom seven times. It was all acappella and in Hebrew, one of the songs was Dodi Li (or perhaps Ani L’dodi, V’dodi Li) and it was beautiful.

Your list seems quite good, though I have never been to a Jewish wedding of any stripe which didn’t include a hora or two, especially one to Hava Negilah, and more Jewish music for dancing, particularly the chair dance. It seems unlikely (at least to me) that your friends wouldn’t expect to include these traditions in their reception.

I think consultation on those points is in order – if your combo is incapable of playing this kind of music (though Hava Negilah is pretty simple to learn and there are a million examples of the tempo, etc.) the couple will probably need to set up some alternatives and they’ll need lead time to make that happen.

9

Actually, I think it would behoove your band to learn “Hava Nageela” --it is a standard family dance song at any Jewish wedding I have been to, including my own (at which the performers were non-Jews as well). A lot of people would appreciate it.
Vocal music is wonderful and allowed–since it was at my sister-in-laws Hasidic wedding, I assume it is at more “mainstream” Jewish weddings too.

10

IMHO, “Hava Nagila” should be performed at any joyous occasion - Jewish or non. It’s a fantabulous piece!

You’d score major points if you learned and played it.

WRS

11

I concur, get some sheet music for Hava Nagila and a few other hora songs. U’shavtem Mayim and Od Yishama (see below) are also good selections. I happen to like Yesh Lanu Tayiish, though that’s not a hora.

Also, since you’re performing at the wedding, somebody asked you to do this, and they’re probably in the wedding party. Ask them what they’d like for you to play. Some people just love Sunrise, Sunset, and some people can’t stand it.

As to the original question – instrumental music is not permitted during Jewish services, as that was a practice of the Temple in Jerusalem, and the sages have restricted its use to the Temple. (May it be rebuilt speedily, and soon. You’re welcome, Zev.) The Reform movement, of course, does things differently; they’ve been known to use electronic keyboards for Shabbat services.

(Personally, I disagree strongly with the Orthodox movement’s prohibition on men hearing women’s voices in song. Especially at a wedding.)

I cannot imagine a Jewish wedding WITHOUT music. So Heart, you’re doing a Very Important good deed: To rejoice with the bride and groom at their wedding, and to make them merry.

:: song break! ::
Od yishama, b’arei Yehuda, u’v’chutzot Yerushalayim (x2)
Kol sasson, v’kol simchah, kol hatan, v’kol kallah!

(Tr: May we hear in the cities of Judah, and in the couryards of Jerusalem
Voice of gladness and voice of joy, voice of groom and voice of bride.)

12

Sorry guys, I neglected to mention that after cocktail hour, there will be a DJ, who we are assuming will play the appropriate Jewish tunes. We do need to learn Hava Nagila and other songs for other occasions where we will be the only music, to be sure. Our purpose, outside of the ceremony is to provide background music, so in this case Hava Nagila would probably garner more attention than appropriate.

We’ve had discussions with Bride & Groom and they said they absolutely did not want any Wagner or Beethoven, so I’m hoping they would speak up on any other restrictions or if they wanted something specifically. They did request the Andrew Lloyd Weber (why, I don’t know :wink: ) and the Wind Beneath My Wings.

13

Oh, and I think corndog man is just a moron, plain and simple.

14

I thought some of them were funny. I was assuming he was being ironic until proved otherwise…

15

Moderator’s note:

Out of bounds, corndog man. Hate speech, racial and ethnic slurs aren’t welcome here. What you wrote was petty and gratuitiously insulting, for this for any other forum.

We fight ignorance here. Judging from what you wrote, you’re fighting for the other side. Consider yourself warned: if you pull anymore moronic crap you will be banned.

TVeblen,
for the SDMB

16

Well, I know I’ve heard it played by the organist during many baseball games.

17

Perpare yourselves for a joyous treat! I had the privilege of attending a Jewish wedding years ago-I was the token goy as they called me at an electronics firm-truly the only Gentile. They forgave me ordering corned beef with swiss on rye at lunch!

Abe and I worked in the repair shop, and we had long discussions about the differences between Judaism and Christianity. He was a wonderful man, patient, and fatherly, and I felt honored to be invited to his daughter’s wedding. The spirit of happiness was intoxicating, almost a nonstop dancing and eating festival-to this day I have my yarmulke.

Good yontif!

18

Slap my wrist for calling corndog man a moron, should leave it up to Moderators or put it in the Pit.

P.S. We had the wedding yesterday and it went pretty great. The bride’s mother specifically said it was terrific, so I think we done good! Another question for y’all, we’re doing a Bat Mitzvah dinner (the night before the actual ?ceremony?), would it be appropriate to play Hava Nagila then? Any other suggestions for songs?

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Oh, BTW danceswithcats, Abe sounds cool.