I’d recommend you go to West Point.
Then join the Army and become an Engineer.
Then distinguish yourself in a Mexican conflict, marry the step grand-daughter/step great-grand-daughter of George Washington (that part is going to be difficult), and get caught up in a nation shattering civil war.
I’m pullin’ for you!
I know that one! 
The Coast Guard had a Guaranteed Petty Officer Program when I went in. After recruit training, you went (after a week or 10 days leave) to an “A” school. When you finished that, you came out as a Petty Officer* if you had the time in service/grade**. If you enlisted without a guaranteed school, you could spend 2 years or more as a seaman/seaman apprentice or waiting for a school you put in for when you graduate.
Do you understand not all aviation crew members are pilots and officers? If college isn’t in your picture, there are, in the CG and USN, and probably the other branches, aviation rates (in the Army, they’re MOSs) like Aviation Machinist’s Mate, Aviation Structural Mechanic, Aviation Electronics Technician, Aviation Electrician’s Mate where you’d be at least the support crew of an aircraft and maybe you’d even get tagged to be part of a flight crew.
*A Petty Officer 3rd Class (USCG and USN) = paygrade E-4. In every branch except the AF, a noncommissioned officer.
** In the USCG, you graduate recruit training as an E-2 (Seaman Apprentice (SA), Fireman Apprentice (FA), or Airman Apprentice (AA). You need 6 months Time In Grade (TIG) as an E-2 as well as passing a correspondence course and a couple other things to be promoted to E-3 (Seaman (SN), Fireman (FN), or Airman (AN). Basically, as long as you pass the course and aren’t the guest of honor at a Court Martial or Captain’s Mast, you’ll get promoted. To make E-4, you need 6 months TIG as an E-3, pass the correspondence course for PO3, and complete the “A” school for your rate. If you don’t have the Time In Grade to graduate as an E-4, you’ll go on to fill an E-4 billet anyway and when your 6 months TIG roll around you’ll get promoted (unless that Capt’s Mast or Court Martial happens).
Know that there are many ways to fly without being a pilot. For example, Oakminster was an aerial photographer. Or you can be a loadmaster on a cargo plane. Or…
The flipside of this is that once you get that stripe, you keep it. You really have to screw up to lose rank in a disciplinary action in the Air Force, whereas in the Navy and Army it seemed common to have a marginal troop with a history of seesawing back and forth between E3 and E4, for instance. (And sometimes even up to E5.)
My citiation is 21 years in the Air Force with lots of time in joint headquarter billets, comparing notes with fellow purple desk warriors and PowerPoint rangers.
Or a warrant.
The OP should be aware that when you join the military as an enlisted man, you are at the bottom of the shitpile for probably most of your first enlistment. Advancement during wartime is faster than peacetime, of course. But you’ll spend at least two years doing whatever shit job anybody tells you to do, and if you’re pegged as a fuck-up, you’ll not be doing much work in your field.
If you do decide to join, then commit to being a good troop, heart and soul. Avoid the complainers, drunks, and those with discipline issues or you’ll be lumped in with them; mouth shut, ears open, ask questions, and do the job you were hired to do. At the end of your enlistment, whether you stay or go, you will have at least given it the best that you have and can move forward with no regrets and on your own terms.
Let me expound on the helicopter pilot thing. In every other branch you need to be an officer first and then be excepted into flight school. That means having a 4 year degree. The army has commissioned pilots but mostly warrant officer pilots. The advantage to that is you can keep flying your entire career while commissioned officers have to move up to staff positions and do minimal flying after they have company command.
It is possible to go “High school to flight school.” The requirements are very strict and the packet can be very hard to put together. You also better have perfect vision (they have changed it so now you can have surgically corrected vision). There is still no guarantee that you get the slot after putting the packet together. You are also competing against those that are already soldiers who are applying. You get conditionally awarded the rank of WO1 after your 1st phase of warrant officer candidate school. If you wash out of school they take away the rank.
This is not a wartime military anymore. Just a small number of advisors in Iraq and about 10,000 in Afghanistan. The military has been shrinking again. They are looking for ways to kick people out. Some jobs are in high demand. Most are not. Advancement is not fast right now.
I seldom had complaints - I served with some very good cooks. But even before enlisting I had heard that bubbleheads had the best food in the Navy.
I’ll take your word for it, but when I was in the rumour was that in the Air Force, if you went from say an E6 billet to an E5 billet, you also went from being an E6 to being an E5.
A buddy of mine from high school went into the Army; during his 20 years I think he made every paygrade from E1 to E7 at least twice each…
The program I went in under is no longer available, alas. I signed for six years instead of the usual four, and volunteered for submarines; in return for that I was drawing E3 pay from the first day of boot camp (though I was addressed as “Recruit” and wasn’t allowed to sew on my stripes), and was advanced to E4 the day I finished my “A” school. So I was a petty officer less than five months after I reported to boot camp.
Never saw that in my time; in fact, I was underbilleted for a few months (E6 in E5 slot) until attrition opened up the E6 slot I was actually functioning in anyway. No ding in rank, although leadership knew I was carrying that billet so maybe they cut me some slack. But again, I never saw it. Even when I saw some long-term underbilleting from not-entirely-stellar performers.
Which emphasizes one aspect of Air Force career life: it’s the most like civilian government service, right down to how hard it is to “get fired”. Or, at least it was during the Cold War. Dunno about today’s GWOT Air Force.
In my experience It’s a toss up between the AF and Navy as to who has the best food. The AF usually had very good food.
The complaints I heard from AF guys is that they would go through exhaustive training as a specialist for one type of aircraft maintenance, work on them for awhile, and then suddenly would get transferred to a command that flew different aircraft and would then have to go through all the training for that aircraft. It made it difficult to excel in your job and affected promotion.
There’s one difference between the USCG and the USN you might want to keep in mind. A CG High Endurance Cutter might make up to a 3 month cruise. A big icebreaker might stay out longer. A USN carrier might be out for 8 months. USN guys will tease Coasties about being shallow water sailors and stuff, but Coasties are unaffected by these taunts. We just figure the squids are pissed at themselves for not joining the USCG themselves. The fact is, the services have different missions, life saving/maritime safety/port security/law enforcement versus power projection.
Any branch of the service one enters will throw some curveballs at you. I joined the USCG because it was a non-combatant service. I entered as an E-5 because 1) I had a brand new Associate’s in Electronic Engineering Technology, B) there was a severe shortage of ET-2s in the CG, III) I passed the test for ET-2, and 4th) I had prior military service and got out of the Army as an E-5. So, when I reported aboard a cutter the XO took a long look at the CIB on my uniform, a longer look at my service record, and assigned me to the Law Enforcement Boarding Party. Non-Combatant, my ass!
On the other hand, it was probably the only time in CG history a Master Chief Gunner’s Mate and a Warrant Gunner’s Mate ever asked an Electronics Technician 2nd Class for advice and suggestions. Or took one to the CPO mess for steak dinners.
That’s definitely nothing more than a rumor. One loses rank only via Article 15 or court-martial.
that would be the other. Warrant Offficers actually are commissioned technical experts (ie no official intrisic command authority)
A guy I knew who was in the Navy said he got to be on the flight that resupplied the base on the south pole in Antarctica. That’s quite an experience.
Other navy guys talk about the travel and seeing foreign ports. Plus in navy boot camp they dont beat you around so much.
In the United States, Warrant Officers 2 through 5 are commissioned. Warrant Officer 1 is not commissioned.
Back when I enlisted ('96) the Army was the only branch that could guarantee your choice of MOS. (Unless you failed out of training.) For the others, you’d pick your top three and hope for the best. Maybe this doesn’t appeal to you, maybe it does. For me, it’s what sealed the deal between Army and Marines. I scored 99 on the ASVAB so could do whatever the hell I wanted, and I wanted certain jobs or none at all. Air Force and Navy held little interest for me since I’m not big on planes or ships.
I found that got along best with Army and Navy people, they were my type. Marines are like Texans in that they won’t shut the fuck up about it. Air Force folks were meh.
I was in the Coast Guard so I favor that. Smaller outfit so there is less bull shirt. Although I knew a few people who said they wish they were junior birdman (Air Force).
As far as going to college first, you can get a lot of credits done with a prior military service. I was stationed with one guy who made ET1 in four and got out (not uncommon 35 years ago. I was lazy and did it in 5 1/2.). Anyways he went to Purdue to become an engineer and got 1 1/2 year credit for military service, correspondence courses, etc. plus education assistance (was it VEAP back then or Montgomery?). I imagine with the internet it is easier to get credit before going to college.
But it's like one DC1 said: everyone should do a hitch in the military because everyone should be humiliated at least once in his life.
I’m not sure how much MAA (cleaning, scrubbing, waxing) work is done nowadays by non-rates (E2 or E3) or even junior petty officers. Depends on circumstances.
If you go in, try to save somemoney for retirement in TSP!!!