Perturbed over Passover rules

The BBQ Pit
1

Once again it’s Passover. Once again I’m left wondering what kind of scam is being pulled off on the wallets of Jews across the world. Scam is a harsh word, I know. But sure as “no meat on Fridays” helped the fishmongers of the world, I can’t help but think that these completely arbitrary laws are there just to enrich Rokeach and Manischewitz.

So first, let’s discuss the cost. Kosher for Passover items cost up to five times what a normal food items do. Box of candy? $1. Passover Candy? $5. These aren’t artisan chocolates from the finest cacao bean in the Amazon. It’s like Hershey’s chocolate with some caramel inside. Diet coke? Cheap as hell. Kosher for Passover Diet Coke that’s ALREADY Kosher for Passover based upon its ingredients? A second mortgage and the slaying of your firstborn. And we have to buy them too. We’re more of a captive audience than inside a movie theatre. At least there we can sneak stuff in. Here it’s buy their crappy boxes or don’t eat.

But it’s not enough that the cost itself is astronmical. The amount of food is so small. That box of candy? It’s got 12 pieces in there if you’re lucky. Sometimes it’s just 6. A box of cereal I opened today had a bag inside it just one third the size of the box. And half of that was full of air! $5 for cereal and I’ll get maybe two bowls out of it if I’m lucky. Same with the pancake box that I opened yesterday. Even if they’re going to overcharge us on the box itself, can they at least be honest up front with how much we’ll actually be getting?

But let’s assume you have an infinite amount of money and can put issues of price gauging aside. Let’s talk about the actual rules and regulations here.

The Jews wore down the hardened heart of Pharoah and were set free from the bonds of slavery. But because they wanted to get out toot sweet, they did not have time to leaven their bread. Thus, we have Matzah.

Matzah is unleavened bread. Matzah is bread that has not yet been leavened. Before the bread rises, you can consider it Matzah. Matzah is made from wheat flour, same as bread. How many ways should I type it out before we all come to accept that Matzah = subcategory of bread. It’s just that you can’t bake it for more than 18 minutes (a coincidently symbolic number in Judaism) lest it become bread bread. Never mind that you throw those sponge and marble cakes into the oven for an hour. That’s all cool. But 18 minutes is the limit on matzah bread.

Ok, so matzah meal is a-ok, but bread is bad, even though matzah is bread. Cool. Got it. But the point is the leavening, right? So crackers should be fine, right? Oh no, those aren’t made from matzah meal so it’s not cool! Well then why do your pancakes made from matzah meal fluff up? Isn’t that leavening? No that isn’t because it’s made from matzah meal and therefore doesn’t leaven and therefore it’s not leavening. Or some sort of circular logic.

Do I even have time to discuss corn in here? I know that not every sect of Judaism adheres to the corn (and possibly legume) rules, but seriously? Corn is NOT wheat. I should be held to a standard of eating no corn because my ancestors were too stupid to figure out between completely different plants with completely different properties and tastes?
And I can’t have corn syrup? Do you realize that 105% of everything made on this planet has corn syrup in it? Seriously, even if the point is that we can’t have leavened corn, what’s wrong with corn syrup?

But most of all, I think I’ll just pit myself here. I don’t keep Kosher. I tried. For over a year I tried and then gave up. Most of my adult life I’ve been able to eat a ham and cheese sandwich with shrimp salad on the side and think nothing of it. But for 8 days over every year I suddenly get all funny and antsy and wanting to be a “good Jew” for no reason other than that’s what my parents do. So I buy into all this. And then I buy all of this. And year after year it makes no friggin sense to me whatsover.

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No you don’t. Complaining about the inconvenience of asinine dogma to which you choose to submit is absurd. That’s like asking your neighbor to bitchslap you in front of your children and then whining about how your face stings and you feel emasculated.

3

No, you don’t.

There’s no law that says you must eat some kind of Kosher for Passover cereal, KFP pancake mix or any of that crap. Break up egg matzoh into milk, or just have eggs and fruit for breakfast. I never noticed KfP Diet coke being way more expensive, but if it is, drink iced tea for a week. You’ll survive.

4

You seemed to have identified the problem. So, just stop already. I’m in no position to tell anyone what a “good Jew” is, but I will anyway. You don’'t become a “good Jew” by doing anything for 8 days a year and ignoring the rules of the religion the rest of the year. Especially, since it doesn’t appear you actually believe any of the crap that would lead one to feel obligated to be Kosher for Passover. Going through the motions for 8 days (or 365 days) a year doesn’t make one even appear to be a “good Jew.”

5

I’m not bothering with KfP this year. I’ve done it in the past. Separate everything, covering countertops with aluminum foil, the whole deal. All the ridiculous so-called food, all designed with the prohibition of kitniyot in place, even though I’m not Ashkenazi and I can eat corn and beans (and peanuts and rice) all I wish during Pesach.

This year I’m not doing it. I have my matzoh. I’m not eating chametz. Beyond that? Nope. If that makes me a bad Jew, so be it.

6

I rarely drink Diet Coke, or any soft drink, as it is. So I’ll survive just fine without it. But the point was that Diet Coke is already Kosher for Passover. It just doesn’t have that little symbol on it saying so. Sticking that symbol on jacks the price up 4x its original value and, growing up, it took quite some convincing to tell my mom that no, we do not actually need to spend this additional money buying a product with a stamp on it just to know we’ve bought a stamp.

And all of you that are saying “I’m not required to do this” (other than the ever-present sense of Jewish guilt), you’re right. I pretty much admitted that in my final paragraph. The issue is for those who do wish to keep Kosher. Yes, you can survive on just fruits and vegetables* but the moment you want something else, you’ve gotta break open a box of $8 Matzah meal and you’re trapped in the loop I described above.

*except for corn! Because that rhymes with porn and that’s probably why it’s banned.

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God gets angry when He doesn’t get His cut…

8

Hence, circumcision.

9

Well I’m saying you don’t have to buy a bunch of processed crap to keep KfP. Meat, veggies, fruit, eggs, and dairy, are entire food groups, in fact, they are the majority of food groups. It is perfectly healthy, and easy, to eat this way without contorting either your personal religious beliefs or your budget. I’ve kept KfP in rural Virginia and did not find it any more expensive to eat than normally. I don’t buy a ton of products. Just food.

It’s 8 days. You won’t die from no pancakes. How about some Matzoh brei – YUM! Matzoh with butter and jam. Hardboiled eggs with horseradish (YUM!). Turkey bacon. Is this really so hard?

Either do it or don’t, I really don’t care (I do not keep KfP presently). But claiming it is some awful expensive project is a really absurd justification to be angry about it.

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Cheeseburger cheeseburger cheeseburger.

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bacon cheeseburger…

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Linky

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What he said. I keep KfP myself, and I cooked myself hash browns, hot dogs and beans for dinner tonight. It was perfectly kosher, and perfectly yummy.

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You’re pretty close to getting over this whole religious guilt thing. Just a little further.

Seriously though, as an atheist looking on: I can buy social norms restricting the consumption of horse or dog or cat, because those are useful or companion animals. I can’t buy the arbitrariness of unleavened bread, pigs being dirty, or how it’s okay to eat cheese but not in the same mouthful as meat. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING? Why are you buying this shit??

Every time I hear more about Jewish dietary restrictions, the more they sound assfuckingly ridiculous. Yes, let’s keep two sets of utensils in two separate drawers, and if they accidentally touch each other (even after they’ve been sterilized!) then let’s throw them away. *This *is something that matters a great deal in the grand scheme of things. :rolleyes:

I’m anti-all-religions. But if you must accuse me of anti-semitism, do what you must.

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They’re arbitrary customs designed to remind us we’re Jews and to differentiate us from non-Jews. I don’t keep kosher because I really think God cares about that kind of nonsense - I do it because it’s something I think I should do.

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It’s a lot easier to just wear the little hat, you know.

17

Eh. I’ve had bacon once or twice; cheeseburgers too. I’m perfectly happy living without them.

18

Maybe a note on the mirror would work just as well? :slight_smile:

Why is that important? I’m asking out of honest curiosity, not trying to start something.

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Hey, the hard part was the briss. After that, everything else is just a walk in the park.

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To preserve the continued existence of the Jewish People as a whole. Jewish culture is focused on the survival not just of Jews as individuals, but of Jewish culture, Jewish heritage and Jewish unity in general. Half of all Jewish customs are geared for that purpose. Why do you think Jews need a quorum of at least ten in order to pray?