Seriously, this stuff fuckin’ blows. It’s cardboard. No, no, cardboard has taste. It’s a chalk/cement amalgam that sticks to your teeth and slides down the back of your throat like it’s hanging on for dear life.
And it’s the same every friggin year! It’s like, what? $500 a box so that some rabbi can sneeze in its general direction and suddenly it’s Kosher for Passover! Look, I can bless a ham and cheese sandwich, but ain’t makin’ it kashroot, m’kay?
Seven more days of this! Seven! That’s 150 more hours until sundown Saturday. I’m thinking of taking a trip to Israel just to knock a day off that. Because the sooner I can get back to my animal crackers, the happier of a camper I’ll be.
New and improved Crispy-o’s? You say that every year. The only improvement you made is changing the font on “new and improved!” This stuff is even worse than matzah if that’s even possible. You stay hard in milk because you’re not a food product, you’re a chunk of rock. They fuckin boxed Mt. Sinai up, and shipped it off to the gullible Jewish Americans.
And what’s up with all you people that like matzah? Non-Jews, I’m looking in your direction. You eat some and go “mmmm…that’s sooo good.” Like it’s some friggin delicacy or something. Hello? This is matzah, not goat cheese flambeed off a newborn baby’s ass. It’s unleavened bread. You take St. Louis style pizza, smack it about 50 times with a sledgehammer, bake it for 3 minutes and voila`! Instant crap.
Well try eating nothing but it for 8 days and see how much fun that is. Oh yeah…just wait until I get started on the constipation!
Personally, I have found that Matzah is edible only with a nice layer of butter spread on it. A nice piece of butterd matzah and a cruncy kosher dill… mmm, there’s the stuff!
My best friend at school is Jewish, and she brought a tape of Shalom Sesame to watch last week…
Anyway, she told me that eating the movie’s box was prefereable to matzah the last few days.
Ender, you’re a rat bastard. Just because.
Just curious, what penalty is imposed by mortals or immortals if you refuse to eat the stuff and have a nice burger instead?
It’s not the burger… it’s the bun.
And it’s not a matter of punishment. The Jewish thought is that God doesn’t need to threaten people.
Same thing that happens to the hindus that eat cow, the Catholics that eat meat on Fridays (well, used to anyway), the zoroastrians that don’t eat the black and white cookies…
Hell a thousand times over. Fire, brimstone, hail sleet and drizzle! Cats and dogs living together. Mass hysteria!
If you’re asking will I get struck down by lightning if I eat bread probably not. But ya never know.
Damn impatient Israelites. I tell you, whoever thought up the concept of matzah should be forced to wander aimlessly through the desert for several decades.
Um contradiction between last 2 posts? or do you have your tongue in your cheek, Ender?
Just Googled my way to http://www.aish.com and their to be quite a few food rituals!!! Gosh, you’re even timed on eating the thing??? And what’s this other one - “do not lean while consuming it”??
Well, at least you’ll appreciate tastier food more, afterwards, I guess.
Bon Appetit! 
Fuckin fish! Every Friday! Friday is pizza day, goddamit!
Nevermind, it doesn’t quite compare. At least I can eat my deep fried cod on rye with tartar sauce and cheese… mmmm…
My name is Robin and I’m Jewish…
It’s afternoon of the second day of Passover, and I am already so sick of matzah that I could choke.
I would kill for a nice turkey sandwich on real bread, as God intended. Nope, won’t happen until Saturday night unless I want to risk going to Hell on a greased pole.
The thing is, I’m agnostic. I don’t believe in God. Years of guilt have made me into the wuss I am today. I dasn’t eat a piece of bread until Passover is over. If I do, I will be wracked with so much guilt that I will be, well, I don’t know. But it’ll be bad.
Robin
Yhwh meant matzoh to be crumbled up, stirred into beaten eggs with a little salt and pepper, and fried in chicken fat.
Trying to eat it plain goes against His will.
MsRobyn:
Amen sister. Agnostic here who avoids ham and shrimp like the plague because of Jewish guilt. By the way, I’m actively working to clone the gene responsible for Jewish guilt for use as an unstoppable bioweapon.
And Pesach. I’ve only eaten potato chips today because when we went to the store last week, we didn’t buy anything for Passover. Now, we have nothing except potato chips in the house.
I’ve already cranked out a matzah-ball this afternoon, after some heavy straining and coaxing. Somewhere between Milk Duds and buckshot. This after only 22 hours. As a future health professional, I will urge all my Joo patients to eat two handfuls of raisins for every one piece of matzah.
Add to this the fact that not only is bread illegal, all grain products are illegal. For the curious, this includes (and is not limited to) beer, most vinegar, whiskey, Viagra, and Tylenol are all illegal. It has me reading ingredient lists on food like an anaphylactic schoolboy.
What really gets me about Passover is the kiniot, though. Some bright rabbi had the idea that corn, beans and peas (and rice for Ashkenazim) can be confused with grain, so they are illegal. I’m looking for a loophole anywhere – I’d be half accepting of Passover if they told me that I could live off of corn tortillas for 8 days. I’d eat enchiladas every day. But even though Rabbi Akiba could not have possibly known about Zea mays, I can’t eat corn. And because my family is Lithuanian, rice is also forbidden.
4000 years of debate really does have its disadvantages.
Just venting.
I like matzah. Matzah with butter. Matzah ball soup! Mmmmmmm.
I think I’ll go have me some.
[sub]Sometimes, if you listen closely, you can hear friedo eating Matzah when IT’S NOT EVEN PASSOVER!
I’ve just finished eating my pastrami & soggy matzah “sandwich”. It was delicious! EXTREME SARCASM ALERT WHOOP WHOOP!
Though, the matzah is kind of negated by the chicken’s liver and haroset my grandmother makes. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Dang you, Ender! It’s bad enough that you made me laugh 'til my sides nearly split. But then you had to go and make me actually crave a piece of buttered matzoh! And I’ve been doing so well on my diet - all I had tonight was a small boneless, skinless chicken breast and some steamed broccoli. But noooooooooo, you just had to go and force me to go into the kitchen and slather a piece of matzoh with so much margarine that I may as well have just slapped a stick on each thigh and called it a day.
Phooey on you!
I happen to love, matzoh, btw, and I eat it throughout the year, not just on Pesach. [Channelling Bubba]Matzoh and butter, matzoh balls, fried matzoh, matzoh and gefilte fish, matzoh and charoses, matzoh and tuna salad… [/channelling]
Dammit. Just had another half a piece. Bah!
Going for a long walk now, thankyouverymuch.
I’m the luckiest woman in the world!
Click here to find out why.
Jeg elsker dig, Thomas
I’ve found that matzah could be made into a decent frisbee if you nibble on the edges, a bit. I’m also eating chocolate covered matzah right now. Yum!
Also, what are all yinz Jews doing online? Isn’t it like Shabbat, no 'lectricity? I know I had to wheel my gramma all the way over from the nursing home for a seder tonight. The woman refused to ride in the car! Maybe it’s an orthodox thing…
(FYI: somewhere between my grandmother and I, mainly my atheist mother, the Jewish traditions kinda suffer)
Mmmm…matzoh brei. Mix crumbled matzoh, egg, little garlic, cook in butter (hey, I’m a gentile, I don’t have to do the whole chicken fat thing, although there’s no meat so why not butter? What’s up with that?).
My wife took all the leftover matzoh from the seder we went to so I can make matzoh brei for her. Course we’re having pork chops for dinner tomorrow, so I guess G-d’s gonna smite us anyway.
I only think of matzah as a medium for excessive horse-radish delivery.
Studi
Am I a lone lunatic in saying I’m actually rather fond of matzah? Granted, I haven’t observed any sort of religious convention (like having to eat it for extended periods) for a long time, but if I’ve got something to drink I like the stuff.
Damn you, Ukelele Ike.
Damn you for making me drool.
If I were at home, I could make myself a big oily, eggy, salty mess of matzoh brei, and eat it with pickles. But I’m not at home, am I? I’m at work. No matzoh, no egg, no butter (I use butter), no salt, no frying pan, no sieve. Just a computer, a monitor and a mouse.
Damn you heavily for making me drool.
ok, pardon my ignorance, but i have to know:
what in god’s name is gefilte fish?
i have seen jars of this stuff in the store, and i never thought anyone would actually buy it, much less eat it. it looks - well, laws of polite typing prevent me from saying what i really think it looks like, but it dont look like no fish, that’s for damn sure. i always guessed it was a close relative to spackle, or scrapple, or whatever that loafed meat stuff is, but now that someone has actually mentioned it…
what exactly is it?
(if you dont mind my asking, of course)