Blech! Shove your fucking carob up your ass!

The BBQ Pit
1

So, while I was visiting my Grandma, one of her religous zealot/health food nut friends stopped in. I had no idea this crazy old bitch thought eating chocolate was a sin against God All Mighty until I bit into one of the cookies she had brought.

Blech. What did you use for chocolate chips? Shit?

“Oh, that’s carob. It’s much better for you than chocolate. And we must treat our bodies like the temples that they are”.

I’ve never had carob before. I’ve also never eaten a turd before.
They’re the same to my taste buds.
Perhaps it wouldn’t have tasted quite so bad if I had known it wasn’t actual chocolate I was biting into. Psychological effect don’t ya know.

After the old bitty left my Grandma told me I was rude for not finishing the cookie. Jesus, Grandma. I love ya, but back off.
Why don’t I take a shit into a cake mix and bake it up. See if you finish your piece of birthday cake I serve up to ya!

If you like carob, good for fucking you. But warn a guy before you serve it to him!

2

You can get ued to carob.

You can also get used to cigarattes, even though they’ll eventually kill you.

Just shut up and thank Grandma, you disrespectful whelp. The next time the dopey friend drops by, just say you had a mild allergic reaction. Health-food dorks are suckers for that sort of thing; it gives them a chance to crow about how much damage artificial sweeteners and whatnot have done to the human genome.

3

I was allergic to chocolate as a child. Thankfully I grew out of it, but it was a rough couple of years there. Carob was better than rashes, I ate a lot of it, and I think I got used to it - at least, I don’t think it’s horrid, just wrong.

4

I think carob is pretty tasty, myself. It would never pass for chocolate, but it’s still yummy. Dolly will knock you down and run right over the top of you to get to her box of carob drops.

5

Ahhh, this brings back some unpleasant memories. My mom was heavy into health food when I was a kid. I distinctly remember, after coming in from playing out in the snow one winter, her offering to make me a nice, steaming cup of hot carob.

Usually I try hard not to remember my childhood…

6

I like carob, but I spent a few years of my childhood in Cyprus where carob trees grow wild all over the place, we used to chew the unprocessed pods; they are OK.

It ain’t chocolate though. (I do love chocolate).

7

I once had carob chip cookies.
I couldn’t tell the difference.

8

I think that’s a pretty fair statement. The other night I picked up my glass of root beer to take a drink, but mistakenly picked up my wifes glass of Diet Coke. (Hey, they look the same). Expecting root beer but getting Diet Coke did have a strange, psychological affect on my buds.

I never liked carob myself, and I think biting into a cookie expecting chocolate and getting carob instead would be a bit of a shock.

9

“Re: Blech! Shove your fucking carob up your ass!”

You already guessed that is where carob came from, but you probably didn’t guess that it was right. That stuff is foul.

10

I do. That’s why there’s men lined up every Friday night to get in . . .

11

I like carob. But it isn’t the same as chocolate at all, it’s just the same color. Biting into it expecting would be bad. Kind of like the time I too a big drink of what I thought was iced tea but was actually sekonjamin (main ingredients: mint and vinegar). Or when my roommate popped a handful of my world-famous Jalapeno Crisps because she mistook them for sugar-cookies.

12

If you’re already baking cookies loaded with sugar, bleached flour, and animal fat, what the hell harm are a couple chocolate chips gonna do?

  • tsarina, who luckily has never had the pleasure of tasting carob.
13

Carob’s okay, but I agree with the OP as far as comparing it to chocolate. It’s a little greasy…

14

I also was allergic to chocolate as a kid. My folks did their best to try not to exclude me from the chocolate centered celebrations.

I got, at various times, white chocolate and carob. Including giant Easter bunnies made from them.

They were both nasty. I eventually told my folks not to bother.

Now I can have all the chocolate I want with no ill effects, and I do occasionally indulge. I haven’t had any of that other crap for twenty years.

15

I also was allergic to chocolate as a kid. My folks did their best to try not to exclude me from the chocolate centered celebrations.

I got, at various times, white chocolate and carob. Including giant Easter bunnies made from them.

They were both nasty. I eventually told my folks not to bother.

Now I can have all the chocolate I want with no ill effects, and I do occasionally indulge. I haven’t had any of that other crap for twenty years.

16

Well, see, there’s your problem. That is not the serving suggestion that appeared on the packaging. :wink:

17

I was under the slaightly nauseated impression that my dog would eat anything. Then someone offered her a carob doggy treat, and she wouldn’t touch it.

Since I’ve seen the things my dog will eat with gusto, the fact that she won’t eat carob means that I will never, ever touch it myself.

18

I recently had the opportunity to taste carob chips. My opinion: it tastes like rotten fruit and dirt. I will be very thankful if I NEVER HAVE TO EAT IT AGAIN.

Also, it reminds me somehow, of the wedding with 5 kinds of vegan cake.

19

I read the introduction to a book years ago, called something like “The Chocolate Lover’s Bible” or some such thing. There was the following quote:

20

And no one called child welfare on her? :eek: