First, a little background.
I live with three cats, one of which is fourteen years old. A couple of weekends ago I noticed he wasn’t eating very much. By Sunday night it was obvious he was sick. I took him to the vet on Monday morning and she told me what I knew she would. My cat, D, was in renal failure. I work in the medical field and I had recognized some months ago the first signs of renal insufficiency so it wasn’t unexpected exactly. The vet didn’t know if she could get D through this acute episode but after five days of care I got him back Now I have to feed him a low protein diet, give him three medications up to twice a day, and every other day I stick a needle under the skin of his back to give him fluids. I’ve stuck people with needles but somehow it’s a bit different with him. I don’t like it much but I can do it. And truthfully, he doesn’t seem to notice it very much. He just hates to sit still for the time it takes to run the fluid in.
So now my problem is that I don’t know where to go from here. I know that this is a terminal condition. His blood chemistries are lousy so I don’t think he’ll be around a whole lot longer, but you never know. The thing is, it is within my power to decide this and I’m just not sure.
I try being rational. It is expensive to do all this but right now in my life money is not a big problem. I don’t have endless amounts but I have enough. He seems to feel pretty well most days. He’s a bit wobbly but he eats some and drinks. He doesn’t seem to hurt any right now but sooner or later this will change and I know it. He only weighs seven pounds now. He used to weigh sixteen. I really, really don’t want him to again be as sick as he was initially. I think maybe it would be kinder to end it before he reaches that point. But when? I also definitely do not want him to be alone when his time comes but I can’t be sure of that any other way.
D was my Aunt’s cat before he came to be with me. She thought a great deal of him and he was good company while she was sick. She died in 1991. I promised I would take care of him, for her sake. He’s a difficult animal sometimes, a cranky sort. But he’s really a good guy and I’m attached to him for his sake too, not just because he’s my last link with my Aunt. He curls up and sleeps in my lap just like he slept in hers. He doesn’t do that with everybody.
So finally, my point. In less than two weeks is the ten year anniversary of the day my Aunt died. I think it might be fitting to send D to her then. Just trying to type that has me in tears. I keep telling myself that it’s the right thing to do for him but I feel like crap. And there’s this little voice in the back of my mind that keeps referring to it as an execution and I feel so lousy. How can I be sure it’s the right thing to do?
I guess I’m just looking for anyone who has dealt with a chronic, terminal illness like this in a pet. What did you do? This would be so much easier if he was obviously suffering or had some hideous injury. I could decide then without much hesitation. This… I just don’t know.