Phil Mickelson = Saggy Man Breasts

The BBQ Pit
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An open letter to the US Open golfers, announcers, fans and anyone else connected to it.

  1. Phil Mickelson, can you please find a bra? At the very least, stop wearing silk (I’m guessing) shirts with no undershirt. I don’t want to see your erect nipples and jiggling breasts any more, especially when you are walking to the green right before missing a 4 foot put. And while you are at it, do a situp. You look as soft as the stay-puft marshmallow man. And another thing… win a freakin’ major, so we won’t have to listen to your whining interviews.

  2. Sergio Garcia, hit the fargin’ ball already! How many waggles is enough? 10? 15? I can’t believe Tiger didn’t walk over to you and kick you in the balls. Stupid bastard… that was the most painful round of golf I ever had the misfortune to watch.

  3. To the networks… try, just once, to resist the tempation of writing some bullshit introduction, which is to get the viewer pumped up. Every time I hear one of those sonnets, I want to throw up.

  4. Tiger Woods… Lighten up! People take pictures. get over it. You are paid a lot of money to hit a stationary ball. I could just see these guys in a batter’s box asking for quiet from the crowd as a 99 mph bullet is coming at your ear.
    Feel free to add your own!

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Anyone who can sit and watch an entire game of Golf without going mad seriously needs to find a hobby.

It’s almost as boring as American football.

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My beef with golf… stop with the John Williams-style opening music pieces that make the game seem action-packed and extreme. It’s boring. Chess is more exciting than golf. Watching paint dry is more exciting than golf. Carrot Top is more exciting than golf (well, okay, maybe not).

Don’t pretend golf is something it’s not. It’s boring. Boring boring boring. I watch it when I’m bored and want to stay bored… and only then.

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I just think Phil Mickelson looks like PeeWee from Porky’s… who’s with me on this?

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<sigh> I watch golf all the time. I have plenty of hobbies. One of them happens to be playing golf. I watch golf the same way an amateur basketball player would watch the Lakers and try to learn something.

I haven’t gone mad yet. What does that tell you?

Oh, and Max, I was about to go kick Sergio in the crotch. I could never play a round with him.

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But he’d have Martina Hingis following him around, that might make it worth it.

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That you’re going mad really slowly?

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Best thread title ever.

I watched all 4 rounds of the U.S. Open and I loved it. Well, all except for Phil’s “boy bombers” and Sergios procrastination (man I wanted to smack him in the back of the head).

Tiger can do no wrong in my eyes. Like I’ve said before, Tiger, when you get sick of shagging the nanny, I’m here for ya babe.
:wink:

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Who cares about Phil’s breasts? - when he wins, his wife jumps up and down and hers are much nicer and more than make up for Phil’s. I’d rather watch Phil all day and get 30 seconds of Phil’s wife, than watch Tiger all day and get 30 seconds of Earl Woods.

Don’t like golf, find it boring - don’t watch it. It isn’t like there aren’t 19 million channels, plus the DVD player and/or VCR, plus all the things to do in the world that don’t even involve a TV.

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It’s funny because I’ve noticed Phil’s man breasts for a while but never said anything because… ahem… I have to lose about 40 pounds.

What’s strange about Phil’s is that he’s not really a big guy. He’s on the chubby side but those are not proportianate to his butt.

A guy in our local paper said it was a great thing for golf everywhere that Sergio didn’t win because every golfer on a public course would now think they have to waggle 15 times before every shot.

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I was mad before I started watching golf so I don’t think that matters. but…

Why the hell can’t the networks show someone other than the last four players? I don’t need to see Woods, Garcia and Mickelson for four hours, you’ve got 70+ other players out there, some of them are actually playing somewhat good so show them.

Yep, I’ll have to agree here, I didn’t even notice that Phil had tits.

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This thread is hilarious especially because I watched part of the Open and my SO said, “Phil Mickelson has big boobs.”

Nice one, Max!

Tibs.

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I said something to my SO about Phil’s man-tits this weekend. He definitely needs to work out. And as far as Sergio’s waggling, 15 was a minimum! I watched all weekend, and counted almost every time. I think the highest I got was 22. Very annoying. I can’t imagine what it would be like to play a round with him. Not that I have the foggiest idea how to play!

I think golf can be very exciting at times. Watching a 40 foot putt fall into the hole is fun! Or a long bunker shot go in the hole. And I’m not crazy! Well, not very much. No, you can’t ask my husband! That would be cheating! :wink:

And Tiger is the man. Period.

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I cannot stand to watch Sergio play. I think it’s ridiculous that he expects a crowd of people watching him to stay silent for the 30-40 seconds it takes him to hit the ball. I just wanted to scream at the TV “Hit the fucking ball already, asshole!”

If I was playing behind the guy on a course, he’d have balls whizzing by his head all day.

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I also like the fact that at any point in this thread (other than talking about Phil’s wife), you can replace Phil Mickelson with Colin Montgomerie and have the thread stay true to form.

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Another boobie noticer here. I’d seen Mickelson play before, but hadn’t really paid attention. So your rant is well timed.

Unfortunately my appreciation for Sergio’s looks puts me at odds with how he plays. I want to wring his neck before he swings, but then… :sad:

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Ms. D also weighed in re: the Mick’s boobage. Tho she was of the opinion that it was more the way the shirt fit him. It was wierd how the whole thing seemed to droop from that button.

I dunno. I have a hard time criticizing someone who is considerably younger and better looking than me, has a drop dead gorgeous wife and a coupla kids, is a multi-multi-millionaire, gets comped everywhere he goes, and plays golf on beautiful courses for a living.

What gets me is, you know that not only does he not buy his clothes, he gets paid to wear them. And the companies will friggin tailor them so they look great on him. And he still looks like a schmoe on network TV.

Oh well, he’ll probably get melanoma. And he stands on the wrong side of the ball. But I look better than him in a golf shirt. So I have that going for me. Which is good.

Then the missus asks me, “Do you like Tiger?” What’s not to like? The guy dominates the game unlike any athlete in any sport. And he seems to handle himself rather well in the media. Well-spoken, good looking, in great shape, rich, fantastic golfer. Nah - I hate his fucking guts!

I just wish some other guys would step up and challenge him. Mickleson, Sergio, Els, Leonard, Duval, Goosen … It was so fun when I was younger and you had Jack, Arnie, Gary, and Tom going head to head, with other folk like Lee Trevino, Johnny Miller, Hubie Green, Jerry Pate, Hale Irwin, and many others who would break out at times. And I remember when a sody pop would cost a dime … Where did I put my teeth?

Re: Sergio - what is with that guy and his re-gripping. I wonder what magically clicks after 30 seconds or so that he thinks, “Aha! That’s it!”

I’m a pretty quick golfer. But I do have a definite setup routine. And when I was golfing Monday, often when I adjusted my grip I would think, “I hope I am not being as annoying as Sergio.” Of course I wasn’t.

I play with one guy who has a VERY deliberate setup. It drives some folk nuts. But he is actually a quite good golfer, so he doesn’t take as many shots as many. Also, he gets to his ball quickly, rarely loses his ball, and is always ready when it is his turn. And his setup is really predictable. He does the same thing whether it is a drive or a chip. So you know it is coming and shouldn’t get bothered by it. My favorite golfing partner/opponent. (Plus, he always gets me high on the course!)

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You are correct! I never noticed that before, but now I will never be able to look at him again and not think of PeeWee.

I’ve also decided that if I ever start a band, it will be called “Saggy Man Breasts”.

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I can’t stand Sergio Garcia’s jiggling. It drives me mad because there’s not rhythm to it - it’s jsut random jiggling, and there’s no way of knowing how many jiggles there’ll be before he suddenly snaps out of it and hits a pretty damn perfect shot.

My SO’s dad counted 27 jiggles before one shot yesterday. Can anyone beat that?

I think Phil’s tits are bigger than Colin Montgomerie’s tits.

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Were I playing with Sergio, or his caddie, I’d invest in a taser.

waggle, waggle, shift, waggle… ZZZZZAAAAAAAPPPPPP!!!

twitch

twitch

besides, his swing is so timing dependent that his career will never be as good as it could be- there’s no way that he can continue to make his wrists do what they do over 20 years of professional golf. He’s got to do what Tiger did and invest some quality time in a good coach- if he can rebuild his swing in a consistent pattern, he’ll be better.

I thought the NY crowd was actually pretty kind to him- I would have been incapable of screaming “Hit the GODDAMN ball, already!” during every shot.

I don’t think that there’s anyone who hates losing enough to challenge Tiger.