Photos in online dating sites: What raises a red flag for you?

[Cicero]

I visited one of these Internet sites on the weekend. Not in the market, but I was told a few coworkers were featured. So had a look. Pictures varied, and as I said I wasn’t looking, so I found a few amusing. Some flattering, some really weird.

The thing that I could not come to grips with was some of the nicks they went by (like a guy with a nick “Awillyforyou”) and the one line openers. Things like “Here for a good time, not a long time”. Oh, for Heavens sake. Can’t you be more imaginative than a bumper sticker.

What did surprise me was the number of attractive young ladies listed- I would have thought they would have no trouble getting a date.

[Nava]

@OneCentStamp

And when you compare this picture to what she looks like in person, you can see where it’s being perpetuated by the stars. Ick.

She wants to look noseless? Drat, I know many guys like small noses (at least around here, which makes sense since they’re rare), but… no nose? Did she grow up wanting to be the Bride of Dracula or something? Too many hours as a WoW Undead Warlock?

I’m not looking; from checking out pics with friends who were:

• Try to get current photos. If your age is over 40, don’t put up a pic from your junior prom. Yes, I know some people look younger than they are, I’m one myself, but if that is your hair now you need a haircut pronto.

• Photos where you’re #2 in a row of drunk guys with beer-drenched tees. Or #3. Or with drug paraphernalia. Please note that those will be appreciated by people who think “you can’t have fun if you’re not drinking/drugged” (a line I’ve had to hear way too many times).

• Don’t mind the shirtless bit if it’s a “natural” shot: a bunch of people hiking in the mountains or similar. But poses of “hey, look at my biceps”, clothed or not, make me wonder how much time does he spend every day making sure his skin is just-so.

[Maastricht]

At the datingsite where I met my fiancé, his pic had him wearing a straw hat. That might have raised a red flag to some people (I mean, come on, what kind of sweet, clueless modern guy would wear a straw hat in 2004?), but the hat is why I responded to him. I thought it was truly original in a not-trying-to-be-original way. Straw hats have been around for ever because they are practical and look nice; no-one just wears them anymore, 'cept me on occasion.

[Malacandra]

@tremorviolet

Oops, missed that one. I did think there was another name besides “internet disease” (something a little more clever) but I may be imagining.

Dunno about clever, but there’s the extremely direct and descriptive term (www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Fat_girl_angle_shot]“fat girl angle shot” a.k.a. “livejournal head tilt” and, as the article explains and in defiance of the name, not the sole preserve of girls.

[Lobelia_Overhill]

I love dating sites, although I’ve not been on one for yonks…

Pix I’ve seen/had sent to me include

Men’s “utensils” … Okaaay

A fella in his underwear with a glass of champagne in one had and a red rose in the other, lounging on a white leather sofa… riiight

A fella standing about 30ft away from the camera … squints

Various shots of fellas with their cars/motorbike/truck, where he’s a dot in the corner…

Group shot “I’m second from the left” … IANAD but that looks like a woman to me

Group shot where the fella is the second from the left - and wasn’t looking at the camera

Group shot - where the fella is feeling up a gal in the shot … backs away quietly, not making any sudden moves

Fellas holding their beer gut in…

One fella sent me a pic of his friend… why?!?

I avoid anyone who posts their autobiography as their “more about me”, or chooses ‘petite’ and ‘Asian’ as “preferred match”…

I was contacted by someone once who’d clearly cut&pasted his message (about 5,000 words long), we got into an argument of sorts, during which he insisted he’d met several women with beautiful souls [on the site] - which he ended by telling me not to reply as he’d just delete any messages without reading ouch! thou hast wounded me greatly

A few months later, on another site, guess what I got in my in-box?

Three years later guess what I got in my [personal ads sites] email inbox??

Dude, remember what I told you about the autobiography and the dissing your ex wife???

le sigh

[Hypno-Toad]

@Cicero

The thing that I could not come to grips with was some of the nicks they went by (like a guy with a nick “Awillyforyou”) and the one line openers. Things like “Here for a good time, not a long time”. Oh, for Heavens sake. Can’t you be more imaginative than a bumper sticker.

A bit of a hijack here. I often have to send links to potential applicants so that they can download the right forms. Most of the email addresses are ordinary: John.Doe at Whatever. But sometimes I’ll get something like “Luvs2spank-at-sexserver-dot-com” or “UMakeMeHard-at-Letsmeet-dot-com” (I just made these up, folks. If they are actual links to real sites or people, I didn’t know it when I typed this).

It can be uncomfortable for both the applicant and myself when I ask their email to send it and they spell it out so that they won’t have to say “Meatlikker” but occasionally I get some Schadenfreude when a pain in the ass customer suddenly realizes that he’s just made his fetish part of the public record.

On dating sites I’ve seen I get nervous about anyone who won’t post a pic at all. It’s not like it’s difficult anymore to get a decent image scanned or otherwise loaded onto your computer.

[Malacandra]

Eek! Good catch, samclem… it does have one or two pics to go with the “definition” :eek:.

[Ethilrist]

@Guinastasia

Hayden Christensen

… oh. Not Jake Lloyd, then. Okay.

[Ethilrist]

@Maastricht

At the datingsite where I met my fiancé, his pic had him wearing a straw hat. That might have raised a red flag to some people (I mean, come on, what kind of sweet, clueless modern guy would wear a straw hat in 2004?), but the hat is why I responded to him. I thought it was truly original in a not-trying-to-be-original way. Straw hats have been around for ever because they are practical and look nice; no-one just wears them anymore, 'cept me on occasion.

I guess it just depends on where he’s wearing it.

[B.Serum]

@Incubus

-Messed up hair, could be interpreted as being a potential rapist.

… the hell?!?

[badbadrubberpiggy]

These may have been mentioned, but it’s a busy day today:

Photos just from the neck down. When I was dating, I got a message from a guy who’s photo was pretty much just his (very nice) torso. Still, his profile was actually very nice and he seemed like a good guy, but I wondered why he didn’t want to show his face…

Photos that look like Glamour Shots. If the photo looks too professional, then I’m going to assume that you don’t look as good in real life as you do in the photo.

Really old photos. I certainly don’t look like I did in 1995, and neither do you.

[badbadrubberpiggy]

@Gozu Tashoya

As for me, one of my red flags is when girls will “censor” the faces of their friends in pictures, either by blacking them out, or covering them with happy faces, or something similar. Part of it is that it looks like something out of a Japanese horror movie, and part of it is the “What, are your friends ashamed to be associated with you?” factor.

This was always a red flag to me because it shows that they are not smart enough to crop a picture. I don’t really mind pictures with other people in them, but people are scribble out instead of just cropped, I do wonder about the person’s mental powers.

[UntouchedTakeaway]

@tremorviolet

You have to be careful with this. You want a good photo but not the freak one that makes you look waaay more amazing than you actually do. I’ve met guys that obviously used the one photo that made it look like they have a chin, if you dont’ have a chin, don’t try to make yourself look like a completely different person. It only sets things up for disappointments.

The photos that creep me out are one with nudity, even if it’s just a guy without a shirt. You should be trying to make a good impression but shirtless photos (built or not) look like you’re just lookin’ for an easy lay.

My favorite with the girls are the heavy set girls who hold the camera above their heads so their double chins go away and their cleavage fills the frame. I think there’s a term for that angle (notroious on myspace) but I can’t think of it…

I agree. I had Glamour Shots (no - not the feather boa/satin glove/“Dynasty” earrings kind) done last year and they are amazing. The re-touch artist must have had his groove on that day, because my skin is flawless. I always send them out with a “real” picture of me so no one screams “bait & switch” Besides, I was a blonde then and a redhead now.

VCNJ~

[UntouchedTakeaway]

@Incubus

One of the funny things about online dating sites is the variety of photographs people submit. Women in lingere, guys flexing their biceps, etc. But some of the pictures are so…out there it makes me really wonder what the person was thinking. So what kind of photos creep you out?

-Even though I consider myself a cat person, photos of people with their cats (on a dating site, anyway) kind of creep me out. I dunno, just gives me a ‘cat lady’ vibe. I have no problem with people who own cats, or other animals. Even worse if the cat is wearing clothing :eek:

-People posing next to people far more attractive than themselves. Why do this? The contrast often just makes them look plainer/homlier than if they had a photo of just them alone.

-Photos of the person with a former SO (usually ‘still friends’ now). I don’t have a problem with staying friends with exes, but when you submit a photo of your ex boyfriend necking with you…ugh :dubious:

-Camwhore pics. You know, when they crank up the contrast to the point their face is so pale you can’t even see their nose? The more camwhorism I see in the picture, the less pleasant looking I’m going to assume the person is in natural sunlight.

A cam picture of you - with MOUNDS of dirty laundry piled on the bed behind you. Ugh.

VCNJ~

[tremorviolet]

@Malacandra

Dunno about clever, but there’s the extremely direct and descriptive term (www.encyclopediadramatica.com/index.php/Fat_girl_angle_shot]“fat girl angle shot” a.k.a. “livejournal head tilt” and, as the article explains and in defiance of the name, not the sole preserve of girls.

That’s probably what I was thinking of. Not particularly clever but more descriptive.

@Veuve_ClicquotNJ

I agree. I had Glamour Shots (no - not the feather boa/satin glove/“Dynasty” earrings kind) done last year and they are amazing. The re-touch artist must have had his groove on that day, because my skin is flawless. I always send them out with a “real” picture of me so no one screams “bait & switch” Besides, I was a blonde then and a redhead now.

Yeah, I don’t see the point in posting an unrealistic picture. Last thing I want is some guy to be disappointed when he meets me in RL. That’d be horrible. (although, I guess I can kinda see why you’d do it for myspace or somewhere you create an alternate internet identity with no expectations of ever actually meeting anyone in person.)

[SurrenderDorothy]

@tremorviolet

That’s probably what I was thinking of. Not particularly clever but more descriptive.

I’ve always heard it called “the myspace angles.”

as in, “damn. that girl’s got a bad case of the myspace angles.”
I don’t go on dating sites. But on myspace, I tend to have an instant and irrational dislike for anyone with super-bleached hair and super-tanned skin. Bonus if they’ve got loads of black eyeliner and clumpy black mascara, a belly button or tongue piercing, and are wearing a bikini or something skimpy.

And people in their underwear! I don’t get it! On myspace there are tons of like fifteen year old girls posing in their panties!

And scene kids… some of them can pull it off. I don’t really hate scene kids. I usually like their clothes. But if you have a scene kid mullet, I will cry for you.

Also any pictures with drug stuff or beer stuff or “I look like shit because I was totally high in this picture” … not so much cool.

[elmwood]

Damn, I was thinking of starting this very thread. I’m probably going to mention some things that havce already been brought up.

[ul]
[li] Fat girl angle shots. This also includes photos where the woman pictures is always hiding her body behind something.[/li][li] Photos with ex-husbands and other romantic interests.[/li][li] Glamour shots.[/li][li] Glamour shots with cowboy hats.[/li][li] “Look at me and my 10 almost identical friends! Whooooo!” [/li][li] Photos with babies … when the profilee claims to be childless.[/li][li] Lots and lots of cats.[/li][li] 1980s hair. [/li][li] Photos where the profilee is wearing a bridemaid’s gown.[/li][li] Photos of the profilee surrounded by hunks, bouncers, and other intimidating men-folk.[/li][li] “Look at me on the top of this fourteener in Colorado, taken from a distance of 1000 yards!” Also related: "Look at me in this marathon, with 200 other runners, taken from a distance of 1000 yards![/li][li] Completely unrelated photos not depicting any humans: usually of beaches, sunsets, and flowers.[/li][/ul]

[Cat_Whisperer]

Jeeze, people are really helping your screening processes.

(I often wonder what goes on in peoples’ beanies, that they do the things they do.)

[Gozu_Tashoya]

@badbadrubberpiggy

This was always a red flag to me because it shows that they are not smart enough to crop a picture. I don’t really mind pictures with other people in them, but people are scribble out instead of just cropped, I do wonder about the person’s mental powers.

The ironic part, of course, is that it generally takes less time to crop a picture than it does to execute the “no face for you!” treatment.

[dre2xl]

@Cicero

What did surprise me was the number of attractive young ladies listed- I would have thought they would have no trouble getting a date.

Date != Mr. Right