How would you feel about being touched or hugged by a therapist, such as a mental health counselor, a clinical social worker, a psychologist, or similar? I am talking specifically about asexual touch, appropriate to the situation, as in a brief hug when successfully completing treatment, or a touch on the arm or hand when a client is distraught.
This is a subject which has been discussed more than I expected in the initial classes of my master’s program (mental health counseling). I was always under the impression that therapists avoided touching adult clients for various reasons, not simply the chance of the touch being misinterpreted… i.e., the prevalence of adults with sexual abuse histories, transference issues, etc. My opinion has always been that I would be taken aback by any therapist who tried to hug me, but I know I have also felt strange when sobbing about the death of a loved one to a psychologist and all I got was a nudging of the kleenex box closer to me.
I imagine there is more physical touch (hugs) when the client is a small child, but I have no experience there.
My therapist hugs me when either one of us are going out of town, even if we will be seeing each other the following week like usual. I don’t know she why does this, but I don’t mind it. And I’m generally anti-touchy-feely.
Once, she wiped my tears away. It was weird, having her so up close in my face, and for a while whenever I would think about it I would have a tic where I would move my head backwards (it took me a week or so for me to even tie the thought with the movement). Again, I don’t know why she chose that moment to wipe my tears because I have cried before in her presence. But it didn’t upset me.
I went to a psychiatric nurse pratictioner for about a year, who’s sole purpose was to adjust my meds, and she would hug me after every appointment. It would seem like a perfunctory thing, though she was a nice person, so again it didn’t seem like a big deal. However, I admit I would feel different if she had been a man. I know it’s not fair, but it just would have been creepy.
It depends on how good the therapist is at touching people.
Some people are really good at touching other people and if the therapist has that ability I’d say he or she should go for it. Some patients aren’t used to physical contact and it could be real helpful for them to practice adjusting to it with a professional.
However, if you’re like me and you can’t touch someone with it coming off as creepy and awkward, then keep your hands to yourself.
Ive hugged clients once but the simple reality is you’re never going to risk your registration because you didnt hug someone, but have a chance of it helping you lose it if you did.
One other obvious problem is the chance for misinterpretation over time, particularly with anything like regular hugging. Also inappropriate relationships often involve a gradual erosion of boundaries, and touch often plays a role in that. Ie short hug, slightly longer hug, etc.
Obviously the risk is highest when there is a match in sexual orientation in one direction or the other.
I was taught that you should never physically touch a client without asking their permission first. Some people are okay with it and some people aren’t, and so the communication regarding physical touch should be as explicit as possible. Assuming that rule is followed, I’ve got no problem with it. I’ve hugged two therapists in my life, both on the last day I ever saw them, and I think it was a fine way of saying goodbye.
I saw a counsellor post-trauma and while all the rest of my life was going to shit I had this nice, quiet space to be once a week. I was talking about the outside stuff and trying to work through it but all the time I was in a safe space where it couldn’t actually touch me. It was just me in my space with my counsellor helping to direct things. I honestly think that touch would have been problematic because it would have come into my space and when I was going there I needed that tiny bubble once a week to feel safe in. It isn’t really about feeling ok or not ok about the touch but more about having the uninterrupted space.
That’s something that’s probably very specific to that type of counselling though. For other types of counselling it may not feel intrusive to the client and would be ok but it would have to be with permission. In general I’d think it is not very appropriate because the client may be in a tough place and acquiescing to touch they don’t really want. Sometimes you let things go that normally you wouldn’t because you just have too much to deal with. That’s the kind of thing that can come back to bite a counsellor in the ass because once the client is feeling better they may get angry at allowing an entirely innocent touch when they were feeling too weak or tired to deal with it right at that moment.
Interesting question. As you describe, I wouldn’t think this is anything out of line and (unless the patient was extremely touch-sensitive), nothing that would bug anyone.
I’ve never had a therapist do so, however.
I remember a doctor (an obstetrician), standing there talking to me while I was lying on the table (clothed etc., this was a routine prenatal visit), and rubbing my stomach. I found it extremely annoying and inapprpriate and to this day regret not snapping at her to keep her hand to herself. Probably should have smacked her hand away, in fact. I don’t go to the doctor to be fondled.
I was a therapist for about a decade and only very rarely had any physical contact with a client - and it was at most a hug. In general the ethic is no contact as it can change the boundary. But having said that, therapists are human, and there were a few times when I was so moved by a story or by someones courage that I gave a brief hug to the person when they were leaving. These hugs are not sexual, they are meant to communicate warmth, understanding, whatever. So I don’t think that being a therapist means loosing ones humanness but the situation does have to be read very carefully, and to my mind to err on the side of caution. I do recall however as a therapy intern, I was placed with a whacky esoteric therapist and she always ended the session with a foot rub. I thought it was kind of coll, even though it was a bit odd.
I believe that physical touch in necessary for humans to be healthy and happy, and a hug given in any form of Love will be helpful. That said it doesn’t seem to me that therapist are trained in Love, and actually trained to distance themselves, which may be a good thing if they don’t get that close.