Over the decades, I’ve known many women who wanted to do some kind of exercise program, and were hesitant because it would make them look like that. Fortunately, it doesn’t work that way; among other things, it’s BEYOND a full time job.
Technique/skills are just as important for defending yourself as than muscles, but muscles are a good place to start. And being in great shape helps on the front end. Predators look for weak & scared so the confidence of knowing you can defend yourself helps prevent situations where you need to.
Your ex has some remarkably unrealistic expectations of what a gym membership will do. It’ll make you stronger and look better but you’re not going to turn into Jason Statham.
Jason Statham Net Worth
$90 Million
Just saying.
I guess this is a side track, but whenever I go in for a doctor check up, I’m asked if I feel safe at home. That is relevant for both men and women. And ‘safe’ is not just physically safe I suppose. There are plenty of types of abuse.
My Wife and I are good. The only time I might feel threatened is in a chess game. We will be playing tonight as she has tomorrow off.
I would never beat someone up, except in self defense. It wouldn’t have looked good to the police if I’d beat up someone in a wheelchair.
But I Do want to be able to beat someone up on the off chance I was ever attacked.
Some guys don’t like “buff” or athletic looking women. There’s nothing wrong with that. They might just have a preference for skinny or waify looking women. But that’s not universal and shouldn’t impact whether you decide to go to the gym or not.
She’s a bit much IMHO. But in all fairness, bodybuilders get all pumped up and spray tanned and whatnot before a show. She probably doesn’t look like that day to day.
Another thing I don’t think was mentioned is that you need to be on a crazy diet to get like that. Like eating nothing but salmon and chicken 5 times a day or something.
Contrary to popular belief, unless you are Jennifer Walters after being exposed to gamma radiation, simply flying into an unfocused rage will not actually make you a better fighter. In most cases, it may actually make you worse.
I don’t know how old you kids are, but if your boyfriend is 5’9" 130 lbs, that’s not a very high bar for “not getting too buff” (assuming he’s not trying to maintain weight for wrestling or something).
Any any event, my advice is to not focus on someone else’s unobtainable body type and simply adopt sustainable fitness and diet habits that fit your lifestyle.
In my mind, “Don’t get too buff” is in the same league as, “Don’t get too smart”. Both examples of misogyny. Although my wife is not stronger than me, I have a suspicion that she may well be smarter.
Wolf attacks are very rare
Brian
To answer the OP, if you want to be buff, you do you, of course, it’s totally up to your own preference.
But the reason many (but not all) men dislike a muscular buff woman is because of sexual dimorphism - for the same reason many women might not want a dainty or makeup-wearing, or feminine-dressing man. Such people are attracted to “what makes men men and women women.”
That makes sense. My bf wears a ton of jewelry, necklaces, rings, ears, bracelets, etc.
So your BF wants to decorate himself in styles that are traditionally viewed as femme in the US, while at the same time insisting that you not engage in activities that are traditionally viewed as masculine?
Sounds like a real winner. Maybe not a bad person, but IMO definitely a clueless one. Or at least an un-self-aware one.
The older I get the more I treasure self-aware people. Pity they’re so rare.
Curious. Such a phrase is >this< close to recognizing what it’s like to be a woman in a man’s world without actually recognizing.
AFAICT, the OP hasn’t told us (and apparently doesn’t know) exactly why her current BF opined that she shouldn’t “get too buff”. It was her ex-BF who gave her the “it’s not feminine” rationale.
We don’t know, AFAIK, what the current BF considers to be “too buff” or why he thinks the OP should avoid it. Maybe he’s concerned that she’d get into some unhealthy extreme-bodybuilding practices or whatever. Maybe he’s just influenced by cultural stereotypes about muscular fitness being “unattractively unfeminine”, and not noticing how that conflicts with his rejection of cultural stereotypes about men wearing jewelry, for example.
Unless the OP asks the current BF and he tells her and she tells us, we’re unlikely to be able to know what his thinking is here.
Will get back to you.
He said toned is fine. Huge muscles not fine.
He thinks Ronda Rousy is too muscly. I disagree.
He wears jewelry. Two rings on every finger, rings on thumbs, one on toe. Ears, nose, neclaces, bracelets, nail polish. Said he doesnt take them off when showering. Its a rock and roll thing.
Once you get to Rousy levels of muscularity, ask him again.
Thats my goal.
And, that’s not necessarily a bad goal, though, as you noted in your OP, it’s not a realistic goal, unless you largely dedicate your life to training (as Rousey, a professional fighter, undoubtedly did).
While exercising and training regularly will make you more fit and stronger, and can make your body more trim and fit, you’re unlikely to achieve the “you’re too muscle-y” look that your boyfriend seems to be afraid of.
I follow the Mitt Queen, she’s a boxing trainer, strong but not super buff and she can sure take a hit to the mitts.
