In a recent column in Comic Buyers’ Guide, writer Peter David muses about who he could choose to be President of the United States for its “war on terrorism,” using flamboyance and can-do attitude as criteria.
His selections were Mr. T (“I pity da fool who messes with us!”) and Ross Perot (“Ya see this football here? Yup, it’s those US launch codes! I’m a-gonna launch nukes at Afghanistan if you Taliban folks don’t turn over bin Laden at the count of ten. Ten, nine, eight – oh, hell, I’m launchin’ them now!”).
That inspired a few choices of my own…
*** Arnold Schwarzenegger.** Sure, the Austrian accent would be a small problem, but if you wanted to rally the troops for an assault, he’s certainly at the top of the short list of inspirational candidates.
*** Bugs Bunny.** After making a left turn at Al-be-quirky, he burrows over to Afghanistan and pops up in a cave where Osama bin Laden is holed up. A few sticks of dynamite in bin Laden’s shorts solves the terrorist problem toot sweet. And being a toon, he’d be completely impervious to their weapons.
*** Darth Vader.** Within ten minutes of his arrival in Kabul, the surviving members of the Taliban would be falling over each other to turn bin Laden over, if only to avoid a Force-driven strangulation.
So, in the same vein, I ask the guys and gals of the SDMB: if you could choose anybody (real or otherwise) to be President of the United States for the fight against terrorism, who would you pick, and why?
I was going to echo carnivorousplant with a hearty BULLY! for Teddy Roosevelt, but I think Darth Vader would do an excellent job. Perhaps Teddy could hold down the home front while Darth was Vice President or Secretary in Charge of Scaring the Shit out of our Enemies? I’m honestly torn here, between my favorite real-life politician/military adventurer and my favorite fictional despot. Oh, the choices!
A slight hijack for the sake of historical accuracy:
carnivorousplant wrote:
“Teddy did ask for the return of a US Citizen held hostage or the terrorist’s head.
The got the citizen.”
Well… sort of.
You’re no doubt referring to the “Perdicaris alive or Raisuli dead” incident in which the American citizen Ion Perdicaris and his family were kidnapped by the “last of the Barbary pirates,” Raisuli, in 1904. A fictionalized version of the story was made into the movie, The Wind and the Lion.
There are two problems with your post. First, Raisuli got the ransom he asked for – “thirty pack mules bearing boxes of Spanish silver dollars,” according to one account – albeit paid by the Sultan of Morocco, not the USA.
Second, Perdicaris was not an American citizen as he pretended to be. He had become a Greek citizen during the Civil War. TR and his staff quietly learned of this fact only after they blusteringly committed the USA to Perdicaris’ safe return. TR was in the midst of a presidential nomination bid, and not wanting to weaken his popularity he withheld this little …er… technicality, shall we say, from the public.
Perdicaris’ true citizenship remained a secret until 1933, when the biographer of TR’s Secty. of State, John Hay, spilled the beans.
Barbara W. Tuchman wrote about the whole tale in the August 1959 American Heritage.
Actually, my Grandfather told me about it, G-d bless him
Did he also lie about Teddy going hand-to-hand with a gorilla? My childhood hero with feet of clay!
Another vote for good ol’ Teddy. He could kick Osama’s ass personally. Then, go after the entire Taliban. I’m pretty sure he’s impervious to normal attacks…like Superman.
I can’t believe nobody said Ronald Reagan. I don’t even like Ronald Reagan, I never voted for him, I thought he was close to being a traitor to our country in the Iran/Contra affair.
But, the Iranians gave up the hostages rather than face what would have happened in the first days of Reagan’s term if they didn’t. He was always a hardliner, and showed he would be willing to do anything to get those hostages back.