Pigeons... ON A TREADMILL

This was truly an epochal event.

While channel-surfing, I chanced upon a show called Tokoro-san no gakkou de oshiete kurenai sokontokoro! (“Tokoro’s what they don’t teach you in school.” ) The show tries to answer some of the more trivial and difficult questions of our time, such as: why do pigeons bob their head?

Now, dopers will recognize this as one of Cecil’s classics. In the column, Cecil favours the idea that pigeons bob their head to maintain balance. Readers answered that no, it was in fact related to vision. Cecil concluded:

Well, George Tokoro’s gang had the brilliant idea of trying to see what would happen if you put a pigeon on a treadmill. Dopers will of course recognize the similarity to one of the great, great questions of our time.

So… What happens when you put a pigeon on a treadmill?

It doesn’t take off apparently.

It doesn’t bob its head either. Yes, that’s right. The pigeon walks with an utterly stiff neck.

Why? They wondered if it was because the scenery didn’t change. They hence took the pigeon off the treadmill and covered its eyes with a tiny pigeon blindfold. Low and behold, the brave pigeon walked into darkness with eyes blind and neck stiff.

They proved Cecil wrong. To make sure this wasn’t the case of some random super-pigeon, they repeated the experiment with various other birds that usually bob their heads, and the results were consistent.

This was some truly spectacular television.

Wow, this is really neat! Thanks for sharing.

I’m having the hardest time even *imagining *a pigeon walking with a stiff neck…

I’ve had it with these motherfucking pigeons on the motherfucking treadmill!

Well, somebody had to say it!

Was the pigeon able to take off?

It’s obvious really: Because the pigeon is stationary relative to the both the observer and the air currents that both the observer and the treadmill share the pigeon’s motion does not generate enough wind to provide adaquate lift on it’s head, thus the head does not bob.

This is, of course, assuming that the pigeon has frictionless ankles and feet made of an indestructable material.

Well, no. This either proves that head bobbing improves lift, or that the pigeon didn’t try to get off the treadmill.

The pigeon should have been stimulated with a 1920’s Style Death Ray.

For 20 minutes.

Maybe it stopped bobbing its head because somebody turned off the music.

Hey! We need Rio, by Duran Duran in here STAT!

I’m trying, but it comes off looking like it’s goose-stepping. The last thing I need right now is Nazi pigeons.

What sweet and useless information. Thanks for sharing!

So what happens to a pigeon on a threadmill surrounded by a flight simulator screen that shows the ground moving around him?

OK smartypants…how about if the pigeon JUMPS just before the treadmill crashes at 600 mph, will it die?

What if you attach a JATO rocket to the pigeon?

Where exactly do you get tiny pigeon blindfolds? A pigeon S&M store? Right next to the tiny pigeon handcuffs?

Probably at some vending machine in a shady Kabukicho back alley.

Don’t let the pigeon drive the treadmill!

That’s Oooomazing!