Pigs Who Don't Understand A Buffet!

I live in the home of buffets, Las Vegas.

What is so difficult to understand?

First of all, you CAN go back…so why in the hell do you have a plate 14 inches high, with mashed potatoes, watermellon, apple pie and spareribs on the same plate?

Why do you slap the food on the plate like there is no tomorrow, and then leave it mostly untouched when you leave?

Why do you have to eat off the plate, while you are walking around the buffet, and smack your lips and lick off your fingers?

Dudes…I’m Gay and even I get grossed out seeing you walk through a buffet wearing only a tank top with your hairy armpits reaching over the pasta!

Also, I too smoke, but smashing cigarettes into the last of your 14 inch plate of mashed potatoes is just gross.

And to you parents, fuck you for letting your little kids (3 and 4 year olds) go by themself to the dessert bar and over-induldge, lick the bottom of the ice cream machine and drop food all over the floor.

But it’s such a long trip from the table back to the buffet line…

Cigarette ashes are sanitary.

More than anything:

this absolutely disgusts me. Every time I think about the amount of food just wasted in this country, I get depressed. And to see it so blatantly done by pigs who fill their plate and then don’t even come close to finishing it pisses me off to no end. Especially when they leave a pile of food on a plate, and then go badk to the buffet. Next time (which I’m pretty sure I’m done going to buffets ever again), I taking their leftover food and cramming it down their gluttenous pieholes until they choke. Then, as they gasp for breath, I’ll drown them in congealed gravy.

I think there should be a charge from the restaurant for leaving a significant amount of food behind like that. It eats into the profit of the restaurant, and it is a repulsive sign of waste and conspicuous consumption.

The buffet is clearly too much work for these people. What we need is a place that has feeding hoses at each table so they can just spray mashed potatoes stright down their gullet.

And why hasn’t someone invented a swallowing bypass yet? All that taking in food in small, discrete bits is slowing things way too far down.

Oh yes, the licking of the fingers. How gross is that. Those same licked fingers are using the serving utensils. I’ve gotten to the point that I serve myself using my left hand and make sure I use only my right hand to eat finger foods.


[munch munch munch]

You gonna eat that?

Now, what you need is an anti-buffet indoctrination for these gluttons. A buffet-avoidance behavioral modification program. It’s difficult, but It. Can. Be. Done!

Don’t believe it? I didn’t either, until I came across the Modelling Model Behavior Modification Mission, dedicated to the eradication of antisocial actions of our citizenry. In just two short weeks, this organization can take the worst of plate-piling wastrels and inculcate buffet avoidance so strong, the graduates of the course demonstrate this amazing display of self-control.

So don’t delay! Look in the Yellow Pages under Mind Control for a chapter of the Mission nearest you! The glutton you save may be that clown!

And then put them in a (very large) steam tray, and, hey, you’ve got a whole new buffet…

Hmmm…the bloated, wasteful, and overindulgent going to feed the next wave of bloated, wasteful and overindulgent…makes a certain economic sense :stuck_out_tongue: .

In 1996, my future wife (now ex :smiley: ) and I went to Vegas for a pre-wedding honeymoon (flights were cheaper just before we were getting married.) We went to Circus Circus one night for the buffet. They gave us this round plastic plate with compartments in it that you are supposed to use to have separate portions of food. EVERY person we saw seemed to have no idea about these compartments and just piled the food all over the plate. It was like there was a competition to see who could get the most food on the plate without it spilling over the edge. You could understand to a certain degree as we waited in line for about an hour before we got near the food so it would have been a pain to go and line up again. But it did strengthen my view that most Americans will eat as much as they can if they only have to pay once :wink:

How about at the grocery store where people lick their fingers to get the produce bag open, then use those same spitty fingers to grope every apple in the pile to find JUST THE RIGHT ONE!? Blech!

I especially like at buffets where people load their plates completely oblivious to the other 100 people waiting in line. One place we were at was waiting for the bacon tray to be refilled. The kid in front of me called back to the table “I’ll just get the bacon for everyone!” and proceeded to empty nearly the whole pile onto his plate. Hey thanks! No one else wanted bacon I guess!

Sometimes at a buffet something looks pretty tasty in a steam tray, but once you actually eat it, you realize it’s not tasty after all. So sometimes I leave food behind, but I’m not going to scarf down some nasty buffet junk just so my plate won’t offend someone or because there are kids starving somewhere.

Won’t someone think of the children!

So you won’t mind your surgeon firing up a Pall Mall and leaning over you while doing your Splenectomy?

Of course he’d mind, furt. Sanitary != sterile. That’s why we don’t autoclave our dishes before dinner.

I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic, or a douche.

My parents (and grandparents) made sure I didn’t do junk like that at a buffet. Do you know how many times I’ve had to listen to stories of kids who did that? It grosses me out now and they still drag out stories from when they’ve travelled and seen that. If I leave food it’s because I didn’t like it, and I certainly don’t have it piled over half my plate! I was taught to take only a little because gasp it’s a BUFFET. Though yes, I can understand in the case of ‘the line was an hour long’ taking more food.

But this is why I don’t usually go to buffet’s anymore. That and the fact that I don’t eat enough for it to be worth it, unless the food is really good.

Last time I went it was fine until I got to the dessert table… someone (a kid I’ll bet) had eaten all the cherries from the black forest cake and there were finger marks in the whip cream icing. That was quickly pointed out and swept away.

At a salad bar once, I was behind a mother and young daughter. To make sure that the daughter liked the salad dressing she picked, the mother grabbed the daughter’s hand, wiped it on the dressing spoon, and had her lick the finger. It was the salad dressing that I had wanted, but I just skipped it altogether. Ugh.

ETF, that photo has some rather unusual subjects. Is one of them carnivorousplant?

And that alien food on the table…

That green thing on the right is gonna give me nightmares.

Hold me!

*Actually, I’ve heard from a lot of folks that the chow at Quark’s Bar in the LV Hilton is top notch gourmet stuff. True?