Pile On! "Open Letter to America from a Canadian"

The BBQ Pit
1

I expect this will turn nasty rather quickly, so I figured I’d set the bar low and start off in the Pit. In case you haven’t run across it, the Baltimore Chronicle printed a letter from an anti-American conspiracy crank, and it has spread through blog-land and Usenet-land faster than “All your base”.

In the interests of full disclosure, my politics are fairly left of center, but he goes so far over the top, and brings in so many crackpot conspiracy theories (U.S. government behind 9/11 and the JFK assasination, international banking conspiracy, etc.) that I feel soiled to share the same end of the political spectrum with the author. Is this how intelligent conservatives feel about Anne Coulter?

Just a few choice quotes to get the ball rolling:

Let the games begin!

2

Eh.

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Go, Mr. McDougall! He forgot to mention that America also murdered Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Princess Diana, and then roasted the corpses for a feast for the President and his Twelve Disciples of the Apocalypse.

I’m particularly amused at how Mr. McDougall makes a whole lot of assertions in his letter, but no facts. To keep with the spirit of his diatribe… WAKE UP, Canada! You’re all deceived. Your government routinely rapes scores of 10-year old boys and dances naked while flinging monkey feces at a giant statue of Baal. You are all personally responsible for the invasion of Starbucks and the rise of Britney Spears. You’d rather drink your Canadian beer and let others pay for it with painful athlete’s foot.

You make me sick, Canada, with your "Eh"s and your funny clothes. And what’s up with the French-Canadians? Don’t you know that the French are the pustules of evil on the teenage face of humanity? Open your eyes, Canada! Come out of your snow-induced coma! Stop raping the caribou and providing state-sponsored medical care for everyone! You’re ruining the planet - nay, the UNIVERSE - Canada! You make the baby Jesus cry, Canada.

(Was that ridiculous enough?)

4

I don’t see this getting nasty, JohnM. I don’t think most people here are going to get worked up by a crank. I mean, the good trolls don’t sound completely rabid.

Sua

5

Well, yeah, but it only happens every 3 years or so, and we prefer to call it a “federal election”.

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We’re not all like that.

7

Hmm…the displaced political agenda in that letter seems pretty apparent to me. Mr. McDougall seems a little too concerned about US relations with the middle east.

As for the rest of the letter, I won’t be offended if the rest of you rebut his points with a friendly round of Blame Canada a la South Park.

8

I demand a good explanation for Celine Dion.

Now.

It won’t take that long to scramble some B-52s over your butts.

9

So there’s a cranky, somewhat crazy person who writes indignant letters to the editor?

10

Er, I’ll choose (b).

11

why oh why are you feeding me this straight line? I’ve been so good lately, not resorting to cheap shots. Damn. :eek:

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Now, now wring. Sit here at our favorite table and have some chablis; you’ll feel better real soon.

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:mumble mumble:: but it was such a good line

::dainty slurp of chablis::

ahhhhhh.

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How long before this shows up on the Snopes site?

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Wait a few months, wring. It’s only august.

[sub]I’m such a little stinker.[/sub]

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::thhhhhhhhhhbbbbbbbt:::

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Kidstuff.

What about the real US crimes? McDonalds, horrible cheese, Hawaiian shirts, and the Crocodile Hunter (yep, he’s yours now)? :smiley:

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Sorry. Have some brie. I’ll just go back to reading this here book.

::opens copy of Bias and begins chuckling::

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(Actually, I didn’t “pen” a copy of Bias.) (Although that would have embarassed me for sure.)

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Hey xeno - Anne Coulter’s on the phone for you, sez she hears you’re really hot.