Pirate Master - Ep. 1: "I Want That Treasure"

Cafe Society
21

Me!

Is it just me, or did at least John and the guy who ended up as the pirate king seem more like actors than real people, and bad actors at that. They both seemed very “stagey”, with the whole spiel about stealing the compases, followed immediately by a speech about how you can navigate through the movement of the sun, etc. Most peoples’ reaction, it seems to me, would be, WTF, is that in the rules??!! But no, instead, we get this pontificating on stellar movement. :dubious: The speed with which he became power mad is also a little odd. It also struck me as either: very bad acting, or very bad stupidity.

If this doesn’t get significantly better I don’t think I’ll be watching for much longer.
ETA: Apparently it is at least RickJay and me, but he types faster.

22

Good summary. I think I have watched my last of this turd.

23

Hmm, interesting. Random observations…

  • I almost wouldn’t recognize the ship. They had to make it look more primitive (take the electric lights and curtains out of the bunks, strip the tarp off the hatch cover), but tarted up, too (metal masts and superstructure painted to look like wood). They took some of the tables out of the salon and hid the head behind a curtain. And they really did a job on that “captain’s cabin”. They built that whole room in the cargo hold, and it must be on stilts, 'cause the floor of the hold was four feet below the salon. I have no idea where they’re storing all their food.

  • I haven’t watched Survivor much; does it ever help to be that much of an asshole? John was competent, though. He figured out the three-key lock, and found the first chest. His team might not have anything if it weren’t for him. On the other hand, the “captain” didn’t ask for the lion’s share of the treasure. And when they were selecting J.D., John just pouted and didn’t offer anything the least bit helpful. Oh, and there’s a big-ass compass in the binnacle right in front of the helm. You can’t take it with you, but the ship’s not going to get lost, either.

  • I saw a wooden cask in the “captain’s cabin”. We served rum out of that a few times.

  • I still hope Chibley makes an appearance.

  • The whole show just felt too small. I sailed right by Dominica. I’ve been there, and it’s glorious; blue water, white sails, and green hillsides stretching a thousand feet up in the center of the island. It’s epic, and it should look it. That pirate’s court on the midships looked like it was filmed in a studio.

Don’t blame the ship. Trust me.

24

I thought it was a good show. I think pirates expect things (like compasses) to be stolen, and I think Alaskan wilderness loners can be expected to navigate by stars and sun. Much as I disliked Rupert, he stole some shoes on Survivor’s pirate season, and I’m sure the guy knew that. My only question is why they didn’t take the compasses back. It would have been easy to do. Maybe no physical force is the only rule.

25

I didn’t watch “Survivor” at the beginning, but I remember some similar comments being made at the time by my friends who did watch The Hatch in action “live”: too stagy, not real enough, lots of gimmicks, etc. They stuck it out, and I will, too – but, as much as I love pirates, I will not watch after this season if things don’t get more interesting. (Of course, I say that every time “Survivor” comes on, too, and we have all seen where that gets me.) For the summer, anyway, it’ll do.

Maybe it’s me, but I kind of see this as a “hybrid” show in a lot of ways. Like, there are elements of “Survivor” (teams that compete against each other in physical challenges to determine immunity, plus skeletons) and elements of “The Amazing Race” (maps and clues and keys and reaching exotic locations by boat) and elements of “Big Brother” (the captain is like the head-of-household and the black mark is like the nomination ceremony). Plus, we have a host who runs tribal council and wears the same clothes as Jeff Probst, with a similar intriguing accent and haircut to Phil Keoghan, and the same uselessness as Julie Chen. So this is like the CBS Reality Trifecta, right there.

In any case … my patented Random Useless Observations[sup]TM[/sup] for this episode:
[ul]
[li]OK, seriously. Is that Louie guy actually Rupert’s brother or something? Same hair, same beard, same childlike glimmer in the eyes, same voice and accent even. It’s eerie, and already a bit too much, I think. (And I like Rupert.)[/li][li]There is a girl on this show from Tamaqua, Pa., which is very close to where I grew up. (Christa – she’s one of the blondes with a nice rack, and I believe her job is “single mom.”) I know nothing about her; I’m just sayin’.[/li][li]If Jay is representative of all Detroit-based auto parts salesmen, then I can finally understand why my sister no longer works for Ford, and why my husband hates his weekly conference calls with the “Michigan people.”[/li][li]Most of the guys on this show seem exceptionally tooly, except for Christian, and I’m pretty sure that’s because (a) I’m kind of scared of him and (b) he didn’t say very much in this episode. Sean is slightly less tooly than the rest of the guys, but knowing how I am, it’s because his eyes are mesmerizing on his Pirate Master bio page.[/li][li]John? Too pompous to even qualify as an “ass” – he’s definitely in one-of-my-ex-boyfriend, holy-crap-I-can’t-believe-I-dated-that-jerkweed kind of territory. I hope that this show destroys his exotic dancing career forever, and he never gets laid again, but of course he will, because you just know he’s going to hang out with some of the more obnoxious ex-CBS-reality-show contestants (e.g., Parvati, or Katie, or Shawna, or pretty much any of the girls from Big Brother 6 except maybe Janelle).[/li][li]Ditto J.D., plus he apparently hasn’t learned the Very First Rule of the Burnett-Branded Reality Show: you might be King of the World in Episode One, but that just makes you more likely to be Scum of the Earth in Episode Two. Plus, based on what Robot Arm said, he’s a dumbass to boot. How do you not know there’s a compass in the binnacle?[/ul][/li](Pssssst – what’s a binnacle?)

26

ok, the show is junk. I like junk. Will stay tuned.

The final bit about the compasses and the sun was total LARP. Very funny.

I am willing to buy the idea that John is a real scientist. A nerd if nothing else. He knew his stuff, and showed great strategic thinking except for the part where he assumes that all other players will act in a rational manner. A pity that he is gone.

The Chief Pirate guy clearly has never played “asshole”. He got lucky this time, but he is in for a surprise if he doesn’t change the tune quickly.

He is getting a large chunk of the price so he has something to use to bribe and recompense his minions. Start spending, my friend.

27

oh, and Louie-Rupert. Darn right it is too much.

28

I don’t even watch Survivor and even I was all, damn, is that Rupert?

I’ll give the show another week and if I don’t have stronger feelings about it it’ll be off my schedule. Everything felt kind of cramped as R.A. said, and it also seemed kind of abrupt, like they were rushing to fit all this stuff in.

29

Okay, but this is just between you, me, and the lamppost.

If you take a look at…

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Here’s a picture on the quarterdeck, looking aft. (It probably looks weird, but I would stand on the far side of the wheel, on either side of that table (which houses the steering mechanism) and kind of lean against it. We had one trainee, kinda short, who would stand with her back to the wheel and reach backwards to steer.) That wooden pedestal in front of the wheel is the binnacle. Under that metal dome is a compass; right where you can see it when you’re on the helm. (Although, with the ship bobbing around, you really do steer by the stars when you can.)

That dome has a little window in it, but most of the time we just took it off and stashed it in one of the lockers. Those red and green balls are metal, and they’re adjustable. There’s a lot of metal on a ship that can interfere with the compass, and one or two degrees matters. When you do an overhaul, you can move them so the compass reads true.

As for feeling cramped, maybe there’s no way around that. I couldn’t take very good pictures of the ship when I was on the ship. It’s all around you, and you can take it in by looking around, but maybe that’s hard to do on film. My best shots were with my widest-angle lens, from the end of the bowsprit.

30

Not bad for a first episode. Getting the rules down and shaking down the crew. We’ll see how long JD lasts. I’ll keep it on the Tivo list for awhile.

Lots of boob shots make that decision easier, I’ll admit. :smiley:

31

Yeah, no shit. What amused me is that he clearly thought everyone else was an idiot, yet he also thought a logical argument was a sure-fire way to sway them.

General question: Is Joe-Bob captain forever, unless and until he’s voted out of the game? Or do they switch captains now and again?

Because if he’s captain forever, all he has to do is bribe a single crew member with a large chunk of the loot. No unanimity, no mutiny, all the rest of the crew is picked off one by one, and it’s gonna be an awfully boring ten weeks.

32

I’d be very surprised if they didn’t do something to switch Pirate Captains every week or two—Perhaps doing as they did to pick this one, a competition between two sets of players, winning team picks a captain, captain picks helpers, etc.

But it isn’t like I’ve read anything about the game. It’s just—how most reality tv works. Don’t let anyone get too comfortable being in charge.

Plus, with a Pirate theme, how could they not have some sort of change of captain (short of the mutiny risk) going on?

33

We watched it and I guess will continue to. Can any of you help me not to feel alone here? Doesn’t “Alexis” look familiar? I can’t place just where, and her write-up doesn’t spell it out, and I can’t locate that spelling of her name on IMDB, but I could swear I have seen her before. Anybody else?

Maybe it’s that she looks a lot like somebody else, but, if so, I can’t think of that person either.

34

Joe Don doesn’t know much about running a pirate crew. Here’s my two big rules:

[ul][li]It’s all about the booty.[/li][li]Everybody works. Everybody fights. Everybody gets paid.[/ul][/li]Assuming that he stays captain for a while – which is hardly a guarantee, as Eureka noted – here’s what I would’ve done:

  1. Pay the Red crew $1000 or $1500 each.
  2. Decide with the officers who contributed the most to finding the treasure (hopefully we’d agree on John, he did figure out the lock puzzle and locate the treasure chest), and pay them an extra $3000 ish.
  3. Split the crew into two sections, each headed by an officer and a chief (of the officer’s choosing), to do the work of running the ship.
  4. Change the booty division from the show’s “cruel shelf” to a “promotion pays” policy. I woke up this morning and decided on: Captain, 5 shares; Officer, 4 shares; chief, 3 shares; pirate, 2 shares; on the side that didn’t find the treasure, 1 share.
  5. Award 2 bonus shares to whoever (other than Captain or officer) did the most towards finding the treasure.
  6. Award 2 bonus shares to whoever (other than Captain or officer) did the most towards running the ship since the last booty split – and dock the pay of anybody who was lazing about.

So much for the piracy discussion. As a show, I agree, the Pirate Court part felt scripted. I was a bit surprised that we weren’t shown any discussion among the Court as to how they might vote. I think the show could’ve done a better job overall. Maybe they’ll figure things out as they go along.

Just for my own curiosity, here’s how my booty split would’ve paid out this episode, before rounding to the nearest $20:[ul][li]Captain, $5882[/li][li]Officer, $4706[/li][li]Black crew, $2353[/li][li]Red crew, $1176[/li]Bonus share, $3529[/ul]

35

I was watching the TV Guide preview special kind of half-assedly while folding about 75,000 lbs of laundry, but IIRC, they said that teams will be randomly assigned for each episode, and each treasure hunt will be done team-on-team (at least until we get down to the final 6 or so, I imagine, when it will be every man for himself). The winning team gets to elect the Captain each time, I think. My guess is, this will serve three purposes:[ol]
[li]It will be harder to make long-term alliances, which would hypothetically make each week’s performance in the challenge and as a crew member matter more – or, in other words, no coasting.[/li][li]The likelihood that a “bad” captain will remain in power too long will be minimized – e.g., anyone who ends up on J.D.'s team next time who wants to get rid of him can just underperform in the challenge so the team doesn’t win, or something.[/li][li]Chances of a mutiny are increased, because hey, you know they want at least one! (I’m not entirely logically sure I think this will increase the chances of a mutiny, but somehow in the back of my brain, it makes sense to me.)[/li][/ol]I think Scuba_Ben may be on to something with his booty redistribution plan … but, then again, these are people on a reality show about pirates. It’s all cutthroat, cutlass, or cut adrift. Plus: greed. So I don’t think anybody is going to want to share the wealth, unless we’re talking about splitting the cost of a salty wench in port, or something.

BTW … any takers on the (Dread Pirate) Roberts Rankings? It’s hard to do a list at this point in the game – all we know so far is that John has “Walked the Plank” – but I’d be very interested to see what the categories would be.

36

You’re quite right, rockle. But please consider the conflict of greed. Aye, pirates are a cutthroat, greedy lot, from captain down to the ordinary crewers. But a greedy captain who takes too much of the booty for himself will find the greedy and gold-starved crew in a mood for mutiny! It’s a delicate balance between my greed as captain and your aggregate greed as crew.

(FWIW, the piracy game I’m in my crew uses an even split – everybody gets paid the same share – and the ship captain also claims the profits from the voyage. But in that game, there’s no eliminations; in this show, there is; it’s possible for someone to be screwed out of booty and then cut adrift, never to be heard from again.)

Here’s my quick ideas for ranking the players, in increasing order:

  • Walked the plank (much thanks to rockle for picking this category name)
  • In the bilges
  • Swabbing the deck
  • In the rigging
  • At the helm
  • Captain’s cabin
37

Randomly assigning teams for each challenge makes a lot of sense (to me).

  1. It’s been reccommended in countless “how could we tweak Survivor to make it more interesting so smart people in good alliences don’t just glide right on through”. threads

  2. The Pirate Ship is small and cramped. People will be tripping over each other, regardless of teams. (Unlike on Survivor where they can separate the tribes for the most part).

  3. Mix and match teams–conflict!

Plus, just given the structure–a Captain and two officers pick 3 candidates for elimination, and then the remaining pirates vote for any of those 3 candidates or a Mutiny(captain is cut adrift), it makes a lot of sense to me to mix and match the players each week.

38

Don’t the officers have to go along with the mutiny? I think I heard that explained last night. So as long as the Captain makes sure the officers get their share of the booty, and doesn’t turn into a total asshole, he/she ought to be fairly safe. But they had better start sharing out some of the loot, or things will get very dicey very quickly.

I really like the “two new teams every challenge” idea. No deals that mean anything, every pirate for themselves.

What is really going to be interesting is when previously “blotted” people become officers or Captain. Lots of opportunities for revenge.

39

I was underwhelmed by the show, we’ll see how it progresses but here are a few thoughts from me:

Nigerian Nightmare - he’ll be fun to see how he progresses.
Louie - Already my favorite. Even though I loved Rupert I didn’t connect the two until you guys mentioned it.
Joe Don - Obviously hasn’t realized that this isn’t the military. Absolute power folds eventually on a pirate ship. Hell, pirates used democracy a lot of the time…

– IG

40

Rockle, you’re right. The TV Guide hour-long preview helped a lot toward understanding what’s going on. They should have made the premier two hours long and included that intro at the start, or something like that.