We just finished watching Muppet Treasure Island, featuring the always delightful Tim Curry as Long John Silver. Since we have a giant poster (as well as two 8x10s) of Captain Jack Sparrow, I wondered who would win in a showdown. We were unable to decide.
In this corner, with a peg leg, a sword, and a decent singing voice…
Captain Long John Silver
Advantages: Loyal crew, Tim Curry, cunning, iffy facial hair
Disadvantages: Loyal crew is mostly Muppets, peg leg, beaten by Muppets
And in this corner, the guy who does a decent Keith Richards impression
Captain Jack Sparrow
Advantages: Best pirate we’ve ever seen, no Muppets, cunning
Disadvantages: Worst pirate we’ve ever seen, crew repeatedly sells him out, beaten by Monkeys
Who would triumph?!
And I’ll say it now: Batman, if he’s prepared. There, now the thread can begin.
I’d go with Jack as well. If he knows the battle’s coming, and he’s really concerned, he knows where immortality lies. HE can just make a little trip to the cave, snag a gold coin, go kick some ass, then drop it back off and go back to life as usual.
Still, if it’s a comic book match up where the two just bump into one another…I’d still go with Jack. He’s a rather mobile guy, which gives him a huge advantage over Hop-along John; plus he’s insanely lucky. And insane. Even if that’s all just an act, it does give him quite an advantage because it makes him unpredictable. Everytime you think you’ve got him beat, he’s just working you from another angle.
Cap’n Sparrow couldn’t command the loyalty of a crew if he was holding them at gunpoint.
On the other hand, if you read the movies or watch the books, neither could Long John Silver.
Cap’n Sparrow had two legs. Long John did not. On the other hand, Long John was considerably more agile than he looked, and successfully took out two armed men (in the book) with nothing more than his crutch and a parrot. And the parrot even survived.
Both men were devilishly clever.
Cap’n Sparrow was a good guy. On the other hand, Long John Silver, while a villain, was somehow lovable, and extremely skilled at gaining people’s trust long enough to grab the money and beat feet (or let you have it upside the head with a crutch, then skewer you with a concealed dagger while you were countin’ the little birdies orbiting your head).
Hard call… but I’d give Long John Silver the edge.
Unless Cap’n Sparrow hadn’t tossed the Aztec gold coin back in the box, yet. In which case, Cap’n Sparrow would hack Long John into chutney, while laughing maniacally at the very surprised look on Silver’s face…
