I had an idea for a movie plot, but when I discussed it with my best friend he pointed out to me that it was laughably bad. However I still chuckle thinking about it:
Fastball- A hotheaded major league pitcher starts getting bad calls by some umpires. So he gets his revenge. One by one, he starts offing the umpires from a fatal blow to the noggin by a fastball. The climax of the film could be a harrowing shootout between police and the hardball-flinging pitcher. The temptation to use baseball terminoligy for horrible puns and one-lines is just too great.
Baby Nazis- a mad neo Nazi scientist (Max von Sydow) has re-created all of the Nazi high command (Hitler, Himmler, Goebbels, Göring, etc.) from tissue cells somehow saved (never mind how). Unfortunately they’re all adorable pre-schoolers. The government must decide whether or not to destroy them. Ultimately they send in a preschool clone of Carlos the Assassin.
Unfortunately the doctor has thousands of embryos ready to go. This raises a huge debate about whether or not it would be unethical to take them out of the Deep Freeze or use them to cure peole. The groundwork for World War 3 is laid when every religious woman in the Bavarian town of Helen, Georgia becomes impregnated with a Nazi snowflake, while ironically many German women are implanted with the embryos of FDR, Eisenhower, Patton, etc…
I know what you’re thinking: it’s been done before and they called it Born Free, but this time it’s with Nazis and not lions.
Here’s a cheesy horror movie i’ve had in the back of my mind for years, it’d be filmed deliberately bad, much like The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra…
it’s name?
Tourist Season
it takes place in a small town (Generictown USA) where the townspeople have gotten fed up with “fromawayers” clogging up the roads during foliage season, crowding out the locals on the beach during the summer, ruining the fishing for the locals, etc…
the townspeople start to think literally, "well, lets see, there’s a trout season, bass season, deer season, moose season, bear season, duck season (WABBIT SEASON, FIRE!) why not a “Tourist season” ", and unlike fishing, there’ll be no “bag limit”…
the film would follow the misadventures of a group of annoying, “know-everything” teenagers as they’re trapped in the town (perhaps by a vehicle breakdown) and have to survive the height of Tourist Season, will they make it out alive, or are their heads destined to be mounted on the walls of the local sporting club?
OK, so a Woody Allen type is arguing with his wife. He is a whimp, his wife questions his manhood and stuff.
To prove his point he needs a copy of last Saturday’s paper. Goes to the newsstand. Asks for last Saturday’s paper. Guy gives him a funny look, point to the back of the shop. Guy goes in the room, tape recorder starts playing …
“Good morning Mister Phelps…”
The rest of the movie is the guy trying to complete the mission. The good guys are following him, but they do not know the mission, so they are helping him the best they can without him knowing it.
Carl Hiaasen wrote a novel by the same name (“Tourist Season”), and yes, it referred to the killing of tourists (in Florida). Although these were done by a small gang of baddies, led by a waped environmental activist – not by the general townfolk population.
In the cheesy horror movie vein, cops are mystified by a rash of brutal and seemingly unconnected murders. One family appears to have been cut to pieces with a chainsaw, another slashed with some sort of thin-bladed knives, one chick cut to pieces in her shower, etc.
Since all good psycho serial killers have a repeating M.O. the investigators don’t suspect any one party, but think everyone’s gone mad at once.
The responsible party is a video store clerk, a frustrated movie-maker who couldn’t get any financing and takes his revenge out on patrons who rent the schlock horror movies he loathes. He kills each customer and/or family in the same manor as whatever their last movie rental.
Practically everyone has a video store membership, hmm, might need to update this to a frustrated Netflix guy, but my thinking is that it’s so ubiquitous there’s no way anyone can pick up on that as a link between victims.
[ He kills each customer and/or family in the same manor as whatever their last movie rental.
There was a horror movie made in the 1960s starring Vincent Price and, of all people, Diana Rigg. He is a Shakespearean actor who supposedly committed suicide after every critic in London panned his last tour. He gets his revenge by killing those critics using death scenes from the plays they panned. It’s great fun and it’s premise is similar to your idea.
My idea for a movie is a revolt by professional football players, the gridiron variety. They accost fans coming into the stadium and dress them in football equipment and then force them to play while the players watch. After each series of downs, the players choose 2 particularly inept players who were fans to kill in any of several gruesome footbll related ways (like punting to death or gang tackling, anything that would look bloody on screen). The 2 leads win the game they’re forced to play and escape and inform the authorities. The players refuse to go quietly and it ends with a big shootout with justice(?) triumphant.
The Cartoon Murders: one victim is found flattened by a road grader, another has an anvil dropped on him, a third lights up a cigar “loaded” with high explosive, etc.
Well, these three filmmakers go into the woods to film some legendary local witch. Not much will happen other than a lot of bickering between the three filmmakers. I’ll shoot it extra-shakey so I give half the audience motion sickness, and will spend most of my budget on a ridiculous marketing scheme which pretends what happens in the movie is real.
What?
Think The Mouse and His Child* meets Last of the Mohicans meets The Postman. Soundtrack by Michael Giacchino and Yoko Kanno. The marketing practically writes itself!**
*Never heard of that one? Think Secret of NIMH meets Toy Story meets The Road Warrior. Kinda.
**Well, not really.
Denzel Washington plays an average hardworking dad, blah blah, his wife is diagnosed with some potentially operable but enormously expensive disease, insurance wont pay for it, she croaks, so denzel takes revenge on the insurance company by finding everyone they have with the most expensive insurance policies and killing them, forcing the company to go broke
