“Law & Order - the musical”
“Law & Order - the musical”
Starring Pauly Shore and Lindsey Lohan
Here’s one that could actually be made, and so far hasn’t.
It’s a time-travel movie about a guy aged, say, 24, who goes back in time to meet his younger self aged 14. What they do is choose a good actor whose around 14 years old. Shoot all the scenes with the 14 yr old in it. Shut down production. Wait ten years. Take the same actor, now aged 24, and complete all the scenes, using contemporary SFX to composite the ‘14’ and ‘24’ material, so we see the 24 yr old talking to and inter-acting with his 14 yr old self. This would be something we’d never seen before on the screen, and would obviously look much more authentic than any similar plot achieved with just ‘ageing’ make up and wigs.
That’s a less-stupid idea than half the movies that are actually made; done right it could be a great thriller. And I wonder if life insurance policies have clauses addressing exactly such a conspiracy against the issuers?
Can anyone else sense the presence of hundreds of Hollywood writers preparing to descend on this thread?
Vampyres of the Orange
During the midst of the Civil War, a unit of Confederate Soldiers, low on equipment, find themselves under attack more than 500 miles from the nearest front. Each morning they wake to more of their unit dead, with strange puncture marks around their throat.
Although, that’s not what killed them, as the puncture wounds barely broke the skin. Instead, they were bludgeoned. With a large stick.
Switch to a southern maiden, safe in Florida, bemoaning the loss of her citrus crops. She puts her hand to her forehead, and, in a faint voice says “my beloved navels, will you not survive the war?”
Slow fade into a cave, where three gaunt men, heavy on the eyeshadow and dark lipstick, lick their swollen gums, which have grown over their teeth, except for two small ivory points poking sheepishly through scabrous gums.
Back to the soldiers’ camp, where an unexpected shipment of 24 bullets, 3 gallons of water, 1 shoe, and a bag full of shrivelled oranges arrive. They leap in glee, as the water and bullets will keep them battling for at least another day.
They eat the shoe.
The shrivelled oranges, they suck the juice out, and in a fit of happiness, burn the oranges.
Then a strange glow forms in the sky, and Citrusiun, ancient, forgotten God of all Pulpy Fruit, appears above the camp. Cowering in fear, tears streaming down their faces, the soldiers beseech this strange apparition to spare their lives.
“Who has burnt my kin, my siblings, my loves?” a booming voice thunders from above.
But the smell has attracted as well the three gaunt figures, who desperately dig through the fire and, as if they had found gold doubloons, hold up the saved rinds, rubbing them vigorously against their gums.
Everyone stops and stares.
The three strange men shrivel. Slowly.
“Oh. My bad. Mislabeled transport box you have there,” the deep voice from the sky says. “It says garlic.”
This actually came to me in a dream once, and I woke up thinking I blockbuster hit on my hand. I grabbed for a piece of paper and pen to write the details down so I wouldn’t forget. It took me until I was done brushing my teeth to realize it was absolutely idiotic. Keep in mind this is a musical comedy, and in my dream there were actual original (for the most part) songs being sung at various points. There was so much brainpower expended for this dream, I woke up exhausted.
The story is set in the western European nation of “Garmandy” circa 1935. An evil dictator rises to power and forms the Snazi (pronounced “Snazzy”) party. The Jew-hating dictator, named Magnus Scherff, starts a “Snazi Youth” corps, recruting young men to eventually serve in his army.
One young man (in my dream, me) hates the idea of being forced into the Snazi Youth, and rebels. The Snazis imprison the young man for several years, torturing him under direct orders of Magnus Scherff. The young man finds out the orders to toruture him are coming directly from the top, but he can’t figure out why Scherff is expending so much energy on a nobody like him.
Then, one day Magnus calls for the young man to be brought to him. Magnus explains that he wants the young man to be his right-hand man-- Magnus admires his “moxy”-- and the years of torture were meant to test him and toughen him up.
The young man, who now hates the evil dictator more than ever, decides to fake loyalty and serve as Magnus’ sidekick, leading the Snazi army across Europe. But the whole time, the young man is secretly plotting Magnus’ death, realizing the only way to defeat him is to gain his trust.
One day, while plotting together in a bunker, the young man turns his pistol on Magnus and kills him, effectively ending the Great European War. The end.
When I told my co-workers about this, they told me it was a loose rip-off of “The Producers.” I’d never seen that, although the week before I’d seen “Swing Kids,” which I think may have had some influence on my sub-conscious.
I think one of my co-workers gave it the title “Magnus & Me.”
I hear that Eddie Murphy already has the rights tied up to Baby Huey.
Slow Times At Mayberry High
It’s 2006 and Mayberry High is about as boring as it can be.
There is just nothing to do in this town except go fishing, go to the malt shop,
or go to the Movies in Mt. Pilate. Other than go into the Woods and, you know.
The problam with the woods is that Darn Ernest T. Bass, Jr. chases away every car
that gets anything going.
Dull, dull, dull.
Finally the kids decide it would be fun to blow up the high school one night.
The end, but someone forgets to bring the matches and the police arrive just in time and they all get a really stiff lecture and get sent home to their ma and pa.
Underwater Iron Chef
Just like regular Iron Chef, only done in the deep end of swimming pool wearing scuba gear.
Yah, but that’s a TV show idea, not a movie plot.
Instead, Underwater Iron Chef could be a front for the development of a new type of food vector for poison. The Master Underwater Iron Chef could be the next James Bond villain.
And lots of hot women in bikinis. Some with double-entendre names, like Fish Taco. Yeah. That’s it.
A bunch of virgin male teenagers make a joint resolution to get laid by the end of the school year. They all go to whores and wind up with AIDS.
That’s the movie-within-a-movie within my movie. In which: A maniacal rival producer(Ian McKellan) kidnaps the now 23-year old actor so that his arch-rival can’t complete his masterpiece. The original director(Denzel) much race against time, accompanied by a super-hot make-up girl(Amy Smart) and a wisecracking best boy(Steve Zahn), to save his star.
Once again, my les-than-48-hours-old thread gets cooties.
[sub]Although not identical, I guess[/sub]
The only thing in which it resembles The Producers is the musical Nazis. However, the plot idea of having an elder make life hard for a younger to test him and toughen him up are similar to the basic plot of
the Academy-award winning movie Karakter link after a Dutch novel.
Cast Off Your Belongings– a documentary (filmed on either Super-8 or digital camera) about the Naked Pentacostal story of 1994. Apparently, immaterialism and hysteria do not mix well. They were first spotted when a Galveston, Tx. police oficer stopped a car for a broken taillight and found it to be stuffed full of naked people. They got away, but were arrested later in Southern Louisiana. According to the arrest report, they were from North Texas, had gotten carried with the idea of casting off their worldly possessions and started their journey to who knows where. One day later, they made a successful jailbreak which one jailer described as looking like “a herd of stampeding cattle” and were never seen again.
As suggested by a friend…
From the Moon to the Earth
A group of engineers and scientists take material from the moon to create a land mass in the Pacific ocean.
That’s it. That’s the whole movie. Just guys building a large island in the Pacific out of moon shit.
Being that I’m slightly obsessed with Antarctica anything … I figure a great movie line (or book, which I dream about writing only I’m no writer) would be an end of the world thing, with the only people left living in a base in Antartica. They would have to walk back to civilization and then find everybody gone.
Sounds great, dontcha think?