Pitiful losers who whine and cry about how hard life is or some particular asinine problem (usually of their own making). They whine and bitch and beg ‘help me’ and suck you into caring. So you put some thought into it, relate it to your own experiences and come up with a solution or at least some good advice.
This good advice or possible solution is then summarily ignored because the pitiful loser isn’t really looking for help, they just want to whine about it.
My response? Don’t give advice. If they want to vent, I let them vent. Hell, I vent to my friends without expecting them to help me solve my problems. I feel better after venting, and it helps me put things in their proper perspective.
And when I ask for advice, I usually just want my friends perspectives on what they would do if they had a similar situation. I don’t feel any obligation to do things the way they would. Very seldom do I go to a person and say “tell me what I should do”, and then go right out and do it. I’ve a number of trusted friends who, if they tell me “you’d better think about doing ‘this’”, I will pay close attention to what they say, but I’m not going to immediately follow the directions of just anyone out there. Too many people think their own experience is universal.
Lame follow-up to a pit post, I know. I’m feeling pensive this morning.
I’ve been guilty of this a time or two…so now I tend to preface my comments with a statement either saying that I want advice, or that I want sympathy.
But yes, I’m sure it sucks, dewt. And I apologize to everyone that I’ve done that to.
1- Qadgop the Mercotan, good points. The seed of my rant is twofold. One was a thread that I replied to some months ago, the soap opera of which is obviously still continuing. (yawn)
The other is an IRL situation where my Wife and I were actually asked, nay, were begged for help and advice. And then summarily ignored.
2- Falcon, say 5 hail dewts and… oh, nevermind. You still rule.
3- er… hi Opal?
4- Eve, you have just made it to my special platinum list of super-cool-always-to-be-heeded posters. Mind you, anybody capable of such depth of wisdom probably doesn’t give two hoots about some dewts platinum list… nevertheless, yeronit. Talk about diffusing frustration by turning on the lights.
sometimes the problem isn’t with the advice-asker, it’s with the giver. there have been times when i have had a problem, decided on a solution, and asked for advice on how to accomplish my solution, only to be told, “no, don’t do that; do this instead.”
yes, i ignored these people. they didn’t answer the question that i asked. if i ask you the name of a good divorce lawyer, don’t assume that you know better than i do and insist on telling me about some marriage counselor. same if i ask how to make a cgi script do a, don’t tell me that i ought to make it do b instead.
as for the general “woe is me, what should i do?” advice, i don’t see why you shouldn’t tell them what you think. but only if you can accept that your friend is going to make her own decision. maybe she’ll take your advice, maybe not. maybe she’s taking into consideration your advice, her mom’s advice, her sister’s advice, her husband’s advice, and what she feels is right. if you were really her friend, you’d be there for her regardless.
I’ve known people who not only won’t follow my advice after asking for it, but actually get off on being pathetic losers because they blame others for their problems and their loser status just feeds their view that the world is out to get them. I don’t want to play down the addiction aspect, but in my experience drug abusers fall into this category.
Eve, I’m still reeling from the simplicity and brilliance of your reply. (gushgushgush) so no, you may not leave. You must stay forever! Mu-hahahahahahahaha (somehow the evil laugh just doesn’t have the same impact in print - or pixel as the case may be)
Cessandra, good point. My bitch is not so much that the advice is not taken… even I’m not so swelled-headed that I insist everyone do as I reccomend all the time- it’s more that it’s completely ignored. If someone comes to me for help, and I give it freely (particularily if I put a lot of effort into it) I like my efforts to be acknowledged at the very least. A simple thanks is all it would take.
Ayesha, er no… (I’ve been warned by your previous posts) How is that going by the way… feel free to jump in and bitch if you want.
City Gent, yes indeed, it is brilliant. One question comes to mind though… why are all my recent posts attracting (anti)drug fanatics?
wolfseyn, you wrote:
I will forgive you, cause I’m such a saint, but no it doesn’t. I did not ask or imply that I wanted or needed advice. Nor was I whining. I was, and still am, venting my anger and irritation.
Furthermore, the above is not good advice. It is not even advice. It is a statement.
why didn’t Opal say ‘hi’ back?
Nope, not looking for help, thanks. Unless you have money, in which case sure, I’d love some help.
TXLonghorn, Since Eve rules, you’re not allowed pointing things like that out. Besides, she wasn’t giving advice, she was sharing her own personal view. yayayaya that’s it.
For the record, I’d like to clarify that I don’t consider venting to be a plea for advice/help. Being the smart cookie that I am, I’m able to tell the difference. Mostly. I don’t mind it when people don’t take my advice. Hell, I rarely take advice given to me (unless it’s appropriate) but I’m always sure to thank someone who’s taken the time and effort to give me an alternate view of a situation.
Since you asked ** dewt ** , since you asked, it is going like this. Last Sunday night sister # 1 calls me, she is crying. She and her idiot bf have moved out and left sister # 2 with the apartment they were sharing. She is crying because she and new room-mate/friend and bf are all arguing complete with name calling. A small example.
Me - “Why don’t you just let it go and go to bed so the mess will die down for the night”
Sister - “She called me a dwarf transvestite, am I supposed to take that ?”
Me - “Is it true ? No, then just let it go and hush, leave it alone” [thinking, oh man what the hell is this kindergarten]
Sister’s bf grabs the phone "They’re both fooking (he’s Irish, the accent kills me) C’s (even I won’t use that word.),!
Me "Don’t use that word to me, it’s filty, "
Sister and room-mate/friend arguing in background somemore, lot’s of C word being tossed around along with threats of violence.
Sister gets on phone wants me to talk to roomate.
Me “No I don’t want to talk to her, you neeed to get the hell out of there or shut up and go to bed. I am hanging up now.” ::Hangs up.::
Then sister #2 showed up down here in Texas yesterday. She and her bf and her kid have moved down here again. Oh joy.
I can’t wait to see her. ( :rolleyes: )
