In this closed thread jane_says said the following about a product intended for use to cheat on a drug test:
This pissed off the moderator manhattan enough to close the thread. It pissed me off, too, so I am fulfilling manhattan’s request for a Pit thread upon this subject. (Gee, manhattan, hope you weren’t entirely kidding about that…)
I am pissed off because I took the time to concoct a long and thorough post, based upon by 4 years of working to try to help drug addicts, of the various sorts of drug tests and why you can or can’t cheat on them. In the interest of public service, I will now repeat a substantial portion of it (don’t worry, folks, the serious ranting will commence shortly afterward):
Now, prior to lighting the fire let me once again reiterate that I don’t give a flying fuck what you do to your own mind and body as long as NOBODY else gets hurt. I’m not some uptight, humorless, boring prude.
OK, here’s where the major ranting begins.
FIRST of all - drug abuse is NOT a victimless crime or sin or action. A drug addict always hurts those around him or her, it’s a symptom of the problem. All you jackasses out there trying to cheat drug tests (of any sort) are reprehensible slime puddles. And I’m not drawing a distinction between legal and illegal drugs. It’s wrong to drink and drive. It’s wrong to smoke ANYTHING around an asthmatic. It’s wrong to shoot up heroin unless you’re dying of cancer or something like that. It’s wrong to snort coke if the coke was paid for by theft, embezzlement, or other wrong-doing. It’s wrong to club the little old lady next door over the head in order to steal her magic brownies. Yes, some employers (only some?) are pustulent assholes, but if you aren’t an addict you can give the shit up for the short period of time it takes to find a job were you are NOT required to pee in a bottle. If you are in a profession where ALL the jobs require bottle-peeing… well, make a choice. Either give up the drugs (of whatever sort) or get a different career.
SECOND - it annoys the shit out of me that, after both Qagdop the Mercotan and I take time out of our busy days to attempt to educate people on this topic (and I like to think that both QtM and I are regarded as having some sound knowledge in this area some sleezeball, some scraping-from-under-the-toilet-rim-of-life, comes barrelling through the thread and posts the exact same bullshit we are trying to debunk.
Let me try (again) to clue you in, jane_says, although really this is more for the benefit of those who are actually listening, and still have sufficient synaptic connections in their brains to form coherent thought, reason, and draw a sound conclusion:
“Flush” systems to cheat drug tests almost never work. I’m not kidding you and I’m not in the employ of The Man. On the very very very very very very few occassions where “flushing” works it is due one or more of the following:
- First and foremost - the cheap-ass quality of the testing method
- The quantity of fluid involved. (Since the other ingredients don’t matter you might as well just use water)
- The ineptitude of the person giving the test.
Even if it DID work on an initial go-round, on MANY of the ROUTINE tests they’ll get a reading of “too dilute” which tips them off to your monkey business. So they’ll know you’re a scammer.
But no - you have to recommend some shit that contains god-knows-what. Buddy, unless “Terminator Gold 3000” comes in a gallon jug it ain’t gonna do jack shit for anyone, and if it did, it’s because of downing 2 gallons of fluid in a very short time.
I’m going to say it again - back when I worked in drug rehab we had people end up in the hospital because they fucked themselves up drinking “herbal tea” shit or just “flushed” too damn hard. But god forbid we have discussion on the risks of pulling this bullshit, I mean, if you’re so fucked-up ignorant you think it’s OK for people to lie and cheat, risking their health just doesn’t fucking matter, does it?
And let’s discuss the moral and safety implications of cheating on drugs tests (or trying to). I don’t know what job the fellow in the OP of the other thread was applying for. Maybe it’s a spot as a retail clerk or a stock boy at the local grocery store where the worst consequence of drug use might be mis-bagged purchases and theft from the cash drawer and the employer just likes lording it over the peons (AND keeping the cash IN the drawers). But maybe he’s applying to drive a semi-truck, or a hazardous chemical tanker, or drive the commuter train I ride in the morning, or work for an airline, or maybe he’s a surgeon… I don’t know. You don’t know either. There are some jobs that are not only incompatible with drug abuse, they’re incompatible with even drug use. In which case - fuck, no, I don’t want to help him cheat - if a trucker/engineer/pilot is using I want him/her fucking caught and out of there. Not because I’m some prude asshole but because it’s not fair, right, moral, legal, ethical, or in any way decent to put other people at risk of injury or death.
Hell, when I took up flying as a fucking hobby I pretty damn near gave up drinking - for your fucking safety as much as mine. And I did most certainly enjoy my beer, stout, vodka, and single-malt scotch in those days prior to taking the stick. I expect everyone engaged in such activity that might potentially put others at risk to adhere to the same high standards. Got that?
If Man N Cognito is a casual user who isn’t harming anyone who tripped over this in an interview for a job where this isn’t (to my mind) a huge issue… gee, bud, I’m sorry. Really I am. And I hope this didn’t fuck things up for you. If he’s applying for a job where this is a safety issue - dude, give up the pot. Just give it up or get a different career because it isn’t worth it to put yourself through hell because you have to piss in a bottle.
But YOU, jane_says you ignorant pice of slime, you spewer of bad information, you I have nothing but contempt for. You and your giggling, snarking tittering over “cheating” The Man Holy shit, Batman! Didn’t that expression go out with the 1960’s??? are nothing more or less than the gritty dirt scraped out from under a homeless drunk’s toenails.
You came to this place - which is SUPPOSED to be dedicated to fighting ignorance in between other random discussions, I suppose and DELIBRATELY spewed misinformation and poison to someone asking about a genuine concern. AND - you broke the rules. You broke the rules of the Straight Dope. Which lead to the closing of a thread that was ATTEMPTING the delicate tightrope of trying to inform without passing moral judgement, despite the illegality of some of the acts being discussed. AND you pissed off a moderator, manhattan, who is usually pretty reasonable about things.
I’d called you a low down bottom feeder, but I have nothing against catfish and worms. They, at least, serve a vital and necessary function in life.