Pitting mushrooms whole grains and mayonaise

The BBQ Pit
#1

Argh, I’m trying to eat better, bet every damn thing I try to get a recipe for, or go out to dinner and pick the healthiest thing is thoroughly contaminated with disgusting worse than dirt tasting mushrooms.

I wish all mushrooms would die, never to propagate again.

Whole grains, you sir, are not a nut. You don’t taste particularly nutty, so don’t let folk describe you that way, Likewise, you are not particularly tasty. You are particularly adept at cleaning my colon, but damn, why you gotta taste so thoroughly unpleasant!

Mayonaise, you are evil, and you know it. Begone! Do not continue to insinuate yourself into otherwise nice and tasty foodstuffs. You are a food ruiner worse than mushrooms and whole grains put together and taken to the fifth power.

#2

Reminds me of the time I “helped” a friend of mine make Mushrooms Stroganoff. He was getting ready to add the last ingredient, sour cream – but when he went to his fridge, he discovered that his roommate had eaten the entire pint of sour cream my friend had purchased earlier that day.

Not to worry, I said; surely you can substitute a little bit of mayonnaise for the sour cream. They’re both fatty, tangy creams, right?

One of the worst culinary decisions in history, that.

Daniel

#3

Try not to eat all three in combination, it’s much less traumatic that way. Are you eating Best Foods Mayonnaise? If not, we’ve probably already identified the central problem here.

#4

I have never willingly eaten mayonaise. I may have ingested it unintentionally at one point, but ugh.

shudder

Daniel, I’m glad I wasn’t there for dinner that night, I would have starved!

#5

Well I love mushrooms so I’m not with you on that one.

I’m with you on the whole grains deal. Might as well have a mouthful of sawdust. People even try to convince themselves that whole grains taste better. They say “I hate white bread - whole wheat bread is delicious.” I say, HA! White-bread is awesome; I love it.

Mayonnaise? It’s not healthy anyway, so what’s the problem?

#6

Mushrooms are great. If used properly. I can make a killer mushroom shepherd’s pie. However, if used improperly, they turn dishes into brown sludge.

#7

Blowero, you really like white bread more than whole-wheat? White bread can be all right, but unless it’s all full of dill or something, it’s not going to hold a candle up to a loaf of honey-wheat bread fresh from the oven.

Daniel
eater of mushrooms, mayonnaise, and whole grains

#8

Have you ever been up to your elbows in mayonnaise? No, I mean literally up to your elbows in mayonnaise? It’s not fun.

My arms smelled like mayonnaise for a week.

#9

I’m with Daniel. I like a big ol’ giant grilled portobello on whole wheat with mayo.

#10

I LOATHE mayo. It is Satan’s snot. Or maybe something worse that I REALLY don’t want to think about. The smell alone…gagging

But I couldn’t live without mushrooms. I adore them.

Whole grains…well, it depends. They’re okay in my book.

Put the three together and it sounds like the sandwich from the depths of Hell, however, combining the torture of my mushroom love with my hatred of mayo.

#11

Wow, I thought I was the only one who loathed mushrooms. Springtime was a traumatic time for me when I was a child, as my father would spend whole weekends mushroom hunting, which meant that for weeks every meal we had involved mushrooms in some way, shape, or form.

White Ink, I feel your pain. I’ve been trying to cook healthier lately, and one thing I’ve noticed is that everything healthy tastes like either crappy sludge or sludgy crap. To hell with a cure for cancer; when is Science going to give us broccoli that tastes like cheesecake?

#12

Pitting mushrooms and whole grains sounds like a chore. I think the inexperienced pitter should start by pitting olives and cherries, and work his way up to the whole grains.

#13

Well, I LOVE mayonnaise - NOT Miracle Whip; and I guess Hellman’s is fine, but try making it yourself - all it is is eggs beaten with oil and mustard (for its flavor, but also for its ability to suspend the ingredients), and some seasoning.

You can’t use too much, however, just like anything else…

#14

That’s O.K. - more white bread for me.:wink:

#15

White bread just exists so that people who don’t like the taste and texture of bread have something to spread their Cheez Whiz™ on.

#16

Mostly, I’m with you, White Ink. Mushrooms suck. I’m allergic to them. Mushrooms make me die- quite literally.

Mayo is disgusting. Miracle Whip is really nasty as well. Both smell horrible, have an icky, greasy texture and taste of Evil. Additionally, if left without refrigeration for an hour or more, both change in color and consistency. The result is remarkably like dried semen. Ew.

Now, whole grains, on the other hand- I like 'em. They taste good. I like white bread too. I just like bread, in general.

#17

Close to what I tell people. I tell them the only reason I eat bread is so that I don’t get mustard on my hands. Don’t eat Cheez Whiz™.

Anyone ever see that old show “It’s Like You Know?” Guy from New York living in California. Orders a hamburger with no mayo, get’s mayo, the waiter says, “I thought you were kidding, everyone likes mayo.”

I know exactly how that guy felt. Not eating mayo was a crime in my ex’s family.

#18

Mayo on a burger? That’s nine different flavours of wrong.

#19

My ex used to order her burgers with “heavy light mayo”

#20

Steve Martin and Mary Kay Place (I think - that actress from Mary Hartman, her bright, sunshiney neighbor) spoofed mayo in some show a while back - they were having a picnic in the back yard with the kids, and had a virtual barrell of mayo! :smiley: It was kind of like the big, white elephant, in a way, the juxtaposition of this absurdly huge quantity of mayonnaise and the family picnic - oh, I remember, I think it was a skit on SNL, and they spoofed different racial groups, and this was how white people were spoofed… anyone else remember that?