I hate Ash Wednesday. It means that for the next 40 days I will have to endure bitching from my Catholic co-worker that she can’t eat meat one fucking day a week. It started today, when she commented to another Catholic co-worker (who would never say anything of the sort), “Oh no, I just remembered we can’t eat meat today.” Every fucking Friday from now until Easter I’ll get to listen to the poor baby whine that she has to eat fish today. I don’t fucking care! I like fish! I ate it yesterday! On that subject, could someone please explain to me what part of the fish you eat if you’re not eating meat? But I digress. The real focus here is the incessant whining. Here I always thought the purpose of giving up something for Lent was supposed to be spiritual and humble and and reverent and all that shit. You’re not supposed to give up something and then bitch continuously about it. Oh yeah, and go to the seafood buffet on Friday night so you can stuff yourself on crab legs. Big sacrifice, I tell you. I’m sure Jesus feels really sorry for you. Almost compares to him being beaten and hanged on a cross and DYING. I think you’ll survive a few weeks without meat on Friday. I once asked her why she did it if it was so terrible. Couldn’t she give something else up if it’s so ungodly unbearable to give up meat one day a week? Her response was that it’s “Catholic law.” Uh, ok. So I guess if you eat meat on a Friday during Lent a bell rings somewhere in the Catholic police headquarters and they come to arrest you. I told her that I doubted if God would strike her down if she ate “meat” on a Friday. Still it doesn’t register. I’m hoping that this rant will allow me to survive the next 40 days without blowing up at her each time she starts whining. I guess now I know what my big sacrifice is for Lent.
Turn the other cheek. Let her whining roll off you like water off a duck’s back, and accept her misunderstanding of Catholic doctrine as your own personal cross to bear. Then, about fifty years from now, when you’re in front of her in line at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter will look in the book and see:
- Ate meat frequently during Lent (no points deducted)
- Suffered humbly through the wailing of co-workers during Lent (Christ-like spiritual attitude, +umpteen gazillion points)
- Tried to suppress smug spiritual superiority via “Internet” (sounds like self-flaggellation, +20 for effort)
And you’ll get in. And imagine the look on her face when he reads out, in his oh-so-suave voice:
- Forswore meat during Lent (+4 points, standard Catholic rules)
- Complained loudly about the burden of her faith (bad form, -3,650 points)
- Went through the motions of faith without any conviction or understanding (minus a grillion for not getting the hint)
And sure, she’ll probably get in on a technicality. But it’ll be worth it, while you’re not a spiritually perfect being, to be able to gloat, one last time, about your spiritual transcendence.
Well instead of complaining about it here why don’t you try and educate her so she can accept her measly sacrafice without annoying you? She sounds like someone who would complain about anything just to complain. If she realized how trivial her complaint was maybe she would stop.
BTW, tell her there are other alternatives than just fish. There are vegatarian meals , pastas, pizza…etc
[whining]I can’t eat meat today![/whining]
Yeah, that God guy is a real asshole, isn’t He?
I say up the stakes. Don’t eat meat at all for the next 40 days. Then when she’s whining and moaning about having to eat lobster on Friday, tell her “bitch, please! I haven’t had meat for 30 days and you don’t hear me complaining!”
There are several, possibly dozens, of people who manage to not eat meat each Friday. They’re called vegetarians.
Okay, so I already blew it. I just had to say something to her. Right after I wrote the OP, I got ready to leave for lunch. I was talking to my mom (who I also work with), and she asked what I was doing for lunch. I told her that I was going home because my husband is home today, and he always fixes something for me on his days off. Mom said “sounds like a grilled peanut butter day.” (Grilled peanut butter is my husband’s specialty.) I answered no, because we’re out of peanut butter, so he’d probably make bacon and eggs (his other specialty). At which point my whiny Catholic co-worker spoke up (not that she was part of the conversation to begin with), and said “Well, at least you can eat meat.” I looked over at her, and said, “Please, let’s not start complaining about that again.” To which she responded, “Well, it’s my right to complain about it if I want to.” I tried to keep my cool, I really did. Again, I pointed out to her that I doubted if she would be struck down by God for eating meat during lent. (To which another of my co-workers who was there commented that she heard thunder, which was really funny.) So guess what her argument was this time: “It’s called religion.” So I said, “Well that’s all the more reason not to complain about it,” and walked away. I SO wanted to take the high road on this issue, and am very disappointed in myself for not being able to keep my big mouth shut. I really will try harder next time. Thank you all for your advice.
By the way, I went home after the confrontation and ate a big sub sandwich with turkey and bacon. Boy that felt good.
This woman is a STUPID FUCK.
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There are millions of people starving all over the world
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She chose to give up meat - just one fucking item
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She chose to do it for a matter of faith: not a diet, not a medical necessity
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She only gives it up ONE FUCKING DAY A WEEK (=four days/year)
This stupid, whiny, fucking BLOT on religion and humanity does not actually give a shit about eating meat that one day or not.
What she gives a shit about is making everyone know that she is Religious and Devout. She is not: she is a falsely pious stupid fucking bitch.
I live in a part of the world where many people give up ALL FOOD AND DRINK AND WATER during daylight hours for thirty days. Bear in mind the temperatures here reguarly exceed 40c. None of them moan about it, they do it as a matter of faith. And they would never, ever dream to complain about the fact that those that don’t share their religion aren’t fasting.
Feel free to cut and paste my comments and email them to this woman.
People like this make me LONG for Judgement Day to arrive soon, and when my video camera is rolling.
Are you kidding?? That’s hysterical! You should’ve brought back part of your sub and put it on her desk. Good job!
Do you think God can hear her bitch about not being able to eat meat? Might be worth asking the woman what she thinks. Or just raise your eyebrows next time she whines, put your finger to your lips, point at the ceiling, and hiss, "Shhhh! He can HEAR you!"
Daniel
I completely agree. As a Catholic who has no problem following the rules and traditions (okay, so completely forgot about AW today, and ate a big huge roast beef sandwich for lunch), this bitch has to shut her piehole.
Tempt her. Bring in a 6 foot sub sandwich every Friday for the whole office. Cook bacon in the microwave in the morning. Find out what she’s giving up for Lent and engorge yourself on it every day in front of her. If she gives up candy or chocolate, keep some out on your desk and offer it to her every chance you get.
If she complains, tell her you will stop as soon as she does.
Ummm. I’m confused. I thought today was Wednesday.
Or maybe it’s different meat she thought you’d be nibbling on since your husband is home. :o
These are hilarious suggestions. Thank you all for making me feel a whole lot better!
Yes, it is Wednesday, but it’s Ash Wednesday, which is the beginning of Lent, and it’s supposed to be a fasting day as well.
Yeah, but it’s Ash Wednesday, one of our holiest days which kicks off the Lenten season, so we are supposed to abstain from meat today as well. Actually, IIRC, Ash Wednesday and Good Friday are the only two remaining days on which Catholics are supposed to actually fast, rather than just abstain from meat.
I’m not Catholic, but I enjoy Lent. The grocery stores have the best sales on seafood this time of year.
And to think that this very passage comes from the Gospel that is being read today…
“When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.”
<sigh> What would she have done back in the day, when hardcore fast rules were in effect six days a week?
OK. So go right out and buy a large container of individually wrapped ‘Slim Jims’. Every time she leaves her desk, leave one on it. Occasionally take the time to peel back the wrapper so she gets the olfactory impact as well.
Quietman is away from his desk right now, so the rest of today’s posts will be handled by Satan…
Ahhhh. Didn’t know that.
How about, “no, it’s called self-aggrandizement”.
No, wait, here’s a better one: “funny, on you it looks like hypocrisy”.
Or there’s always the classic “you make the baby Jesus cry.”
I feel for you, **yellowval ** (actually more than you know - it sounds like you work with my sister!).
I had tuna for lunch today. Of course, I have tuna for lunch every day. I like tuna. Almost as much as I like porpoise. . .
If possible, hire Randy Savage to leap into the office and yell SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!!! every now and then.