To preface this, I must say that I love the Pit. It’s a strange beast – a sort of small remote island filled with piss and vulgar thoughts in an otherwise enlightened, polite forum. It’s a fascinating spectacle to both observe and participate in. So I implore you, please take the following in good humor. I mean no true disrespect.
First off, I pit the fuckwits who enjoy being angry. These miserable sacks wake up every morning and scour the internet for a twisted, fucked up news story that they can then share with us. Raped babies, burnt puppies, burnt babies, raped puppies, the sicker the better. They post this crap on the Pit every day so that likeminded miserable sacks who are “normally against the death penalty” can file in and describe in great detail creative methods for physically punishing criminals. These self-proclaimed atheists will then follow it up with a frowney face and ask God why bad things are allowed to happen. Take your miserable shit and your miserable self and go be miserable alone.
Similarly, I pit the aging smelly hippies who can’t go one day without pitting our stupid president. These faded liberal gasbags love filling the Pit with Bush / republican / Fox News rants so that they can do the one thing they’re passionate for: protesting. Apparently these pot addled dolts never graduated past their teenage angry phase so they’re forced to fill their day with raging against the machine. Except they don’t protest in places that matter, no, they do it on the Dope where 99% of the user base already agrees with them. They just love a collective circle jerk where they can all pat themselves on the back for being enlightened enough to be fed up with an obviously shitfucked administration that only has a 33% approval rating. Do you think that 33% hangs around the Dope? I would love to go one day without seeing a Bush rant in the Pit, but I know it won’t happen.
Next, I pit these soft-skinned whiners who complain about other assholes. Aww, your “cow-orker” was mean to you? Guess what, the whole world is filled with assholes. I’m an asshole. You’re probably an asshole. Wake up, buck up, and get used to living on the planet Earth. If someone was mean to you, stand up for yourself for God’s sake. Writing an anonymous open letter in the Pit does nothing except make you look like a whiney douche.
Finally, I pit the people who pit themselves. Get yourself a Myspace account and get the hell out of my Pit. Take your meds, take a shower, and shave that nasty soul patch off and maybe you won’t be repeatedly rejected by society.
Looks like there’s one Pitizen you forgot to Pit: the numbskull who takes it upon himself to rate a Pit rant without providing any useful contribution. Chaps my cheese, I tells ya.
P.S.: You really shouldn’t use words like ‘dolt’. Powerless, frustrated (and subsequently angry) people like Mindless Fury pick up on them and use them to start pit threads and call us all names.
The signals may be getting mixed somewhat here with all the wink-wink pretending to be angry at each other, but I feel like this is the appropriate place to say this, so I just want to be very clear that even if the previous posters were, I’m not kidding:
This rating Pit posts and always – always – mentioning whether or not the by-now-long-overkilled word “fuckwit” was involved is really stupid. Doing it once is kind of annoying. If you do it so much that you get noticed for it by a lazy half-assed poster like me, who can barely be arsed to read screen names, much less remember the quirks associated therewith, well, you’re a fucking tit.
