Please empty the entire two litre bottle of mayonaise onto my burger. Thankyou.

The BBQ Pit
101

Why am I being stupid to tell someone I don’t want something? I mean, if I’m just going to throw it in the trash, isn’t it smarter for them to keep the item for other customers rather than having it rot in a garbage can? How is that picking a fight? I refuse other, unsolicited merchandise all the time. When AT&T calls offering me a new long-distance plan, I say no thank you, even when they try to keep me on the line. Is that picking a fight, too?

I do appreciate your analysis of my thoughts; however, isn’t this sort of a petty topic? Why even bother telling me what I’m thinking? If you disagree and want to call me stupid, please, by all means, do so. That’s your opinion. However, going into the workings of my mind and telling me why I’m doing what I’m doing without having met me or spoken to me for any length of time seems a bit cumbersome, even for such a great mind as yours. :smiley:

102

For anyone who read that last post - I’m sorry I got so snotty. I just read that and, damn, it sounds defensive! I hate defensive posts. All those thoughts I expressed still stand, but I clearly needed another cup of coffee at the time. And Losbang, I’m sorry I hijacked your thread.

hangs head, thoroughly chagrined by own self

Anyway, I think this is a fabulous thread - I’ve been laughing my ass off with every new post.

103

No problem. It doesn’t look like a hijack anyway.

Isn’t it reasonable to expect any human being (including spotty fast food teenager) to be able to retain information temporarily, and then pass it on or act on it. such as ‘no mayo please’ How hard is that to remember? They think “you take it off if you don’t like it” but we wouldn’t have asked you not to put it on if we were willing to get our hands messy taking it off.

104

I think that’s perfectly fair, actually. Mom always taught me that it was the height of rudeness to bring your own food/drink into a restaurant, whether you were planning to eat/drink it or not. Movie theaters don’t let you bring in outside food either, because that’s how they make their money (doesn’t stop me from going to the local bulk grocery and getting some yogurt pretzels, though).

With restaurants, it’s even more cut-and-dried. They only make money on their food. I remember going on a high school trip where we stopped on the local fast food row for lunch. I ate at Popeye’s and two other kids went over to Sonic…but because Sonic doesn’t have tables and chairs indoors (and it was a hot day), they came in to the Popeye’s to eat their Sonic meal. Rude as hell to Popeye’s, let me tell you.

And I know you didn’t have a whole meal, you just had a drink, but they gotta be firm. They will – guaranteed – get this conversation with the jackass two tables away munching happily on his potato chips:

“Sir, you’re going to have to put those outside, or I can have them held at the hostess station for you.”

“Why? You let that guy keep his Coke.”

“It’s just a drink.”

“And this is just a snack.”

sigh “Okay, may I take your order?”

“I’m not really hungry. Can I just have a glass of water?”

Then the waitress kills him with his own fork. Sad, really.

105

When did Sprite become cough medicine? A couple of years ago I ordered a Sprite at one of those roadside restaraunts and it tasted like cough medicine. Figuring that I was being a good samaritan I tell the waitress that they need to adjust the sprite machine because it’s way too strong. She just looks at me like I’m insane. Ever since then in nearly every restaraunt I eat at the Sprite tastes like cough medicine. Is there some insane person going around adjusting Sprite machines? Finally I just stopped ordering Sprites. The strange thing is I had a Sprite the other day at a restaraunt (it was the only thing they had) and it tasted just fine.

106

Happened to me just yesterday:

Rico: I’d like a Whopper with cheese, plain, add mayo, lettuce, and tomato, please.
Disembodied voice of old lady who cant get a job anywhere else: Would you like that on the combo?
R: No thank you, just the burger.
DVOOLWCGAJAE: OK, so that’s one Whopper combo and a regular burger.
R: No, no, remove the regular burger. Just a Whopper with cheese, plain, with mayo, lettuce, and tomato.
DVOOLWCGAJAE: OK, so that’s a Whopper with cheese, plain, with mayo, lettuce, and onion.
R: No! No onion! Tomato!
Homeless person who is panhandling for money: Hey, buddy, got any spare change you can give me? (and yes, this is in the drive-through line!)
DVOOLWCGAJAE: So, that’s a Whopper with cheese, extra tomato.
R: Sorry, I don’t have any spare change. No! Listen very carefully! One Whopper with cheese, plain, with mayo, lettuce, and tomato.
HPWIPFM: Hey, at least just buy me a burger! That’s the least you can do for me! I’m hungry!
DVOOLWCGAJAE: So that’s a Whopper with cheese, plain, with mayo, lettuce, and tomato, and a regular burger.
R: NOOOOO! No regular burger. You get out of here! Just the whopper with cheese, plain, with mayo, lettuce, and tomato!
DVOOLWCGAJAE: OK, no need to yell, sir. I have one Whopper with cheese, plain, with tomato, lettuce, and mayo.
R: (breathing sigh of relief) Yes, that’s right, thank you.
DVOOLWCGAJAE: Would you like cheese on that?

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!

107

I’ve had this happen to me a couple times. I order a whopper with no tomato or onion, and wind up getting only tomato and onion.

I wonder if I can sue for pain and suffering from having to open my burger and seeing those evil things staring back at me. It’s disturbing, I tell you.

Then there was a time my wife and I ate in a Culver’s back when we were renting an apartment in Hoffman Estates. This Culver’s must have changed managers or something, because we’d been in there many times and never had problems, however, the couple of times we went after this incident, the food didn’t taste as good and they seemed to screw up our orders consitently. But none as bad as the first incident.

My wife orders a mushroom and swiss burger basket. She doesn’t ask for anything special on the burger, just a mushroom and swiss burger.

We get the burger. She takes a few bites. It tastes weird. She opens it up. Oddly enough, there are no mushrooms, and no swiss. Just mayo and the burger. I double check the receipt. Sure enough, it says mushroom and swiss burger. We return the burger, and they “fix it.” She takes another bite. Hmm, still tastes wrong. Well this time they got the mushrooms on it, but look, it still has no swiss cheese. So we take it back again. Finally, on the third try, she gets her mushroom and swiss burger.

How in the hell do you screw up a burger whose name tells you exactly what is supposed to be on it? And how do you manage to do it twice after the original mistake is brought to your attention?

108

I am really enjoying this thread! Could I have it with just a little more sarcasm, please?

jjimm, you seem to like to go to foreign lands and order foods from other foreign lands…

Well, I live in Japan, and ordering fast food off the menu here is just as fun as it is in “English-speaking” countries.

There’s a coffee shop chain here, called “Doutor” that has nice “bagel sandwiches”. Their “Roast Chicken Bagel Sandwich” comes with sliced chicken, tomato, lettuce, mayonnaise, and a few slices of hard-boiled egg.

OK.

No mayonnaise-hater, me, but I have an experiential fear of fast-food mayonnaise… you know; Sal Monella and all those guys… and I don’t really need a “parent and child” sandwich, so , I always order (in Japanese) the sandwich without egg and without mayonnaise.

Now comes the fun part.

In Japanese, “egg” is “tamago” (tah-MAH-go), and “tomato” (toe-MAY-toe) is “tomato” (toe-MAH-toe)… yeah, “I say “tah-MAH-go”, you hear “toe-MAH-toe”…”

Anyway…

Nine times out of ten, I get my “Chicken Bagel Sandwich” with plenty of hard-boiled egg, no mayonnaise, and no tomato… but my lunch break is already half over, so, there’s no going back to fix it. ARRRGH!

Oh, and I can empathize with blowero, because here, they only have small and medium drinks… there’s no LARGE… How can this be?

There are SUBWAY shops here in Japan, too. When I order, they try to hustle me through to the cash register, but I’m too smart for them… I watch them like a hawk while they “build” my sandwich. When they start to put on the black olives (PLINK PLINK PLINK),… that’s three, count 'em, THREE slices of black olive; I tell the “builder” (in Japanese) “lots of black olives, please”. So the “builder” generously puts three more slices of black olive onto my sandwich (which now has exactly 66% of one pitted black olive on it. The builder then tries to hustle me along by asking which drink I would like, but, I perservere… “a LOT more black olives, please”…

It just goes to show ya… if you want it done right, don’t go to a restaurant…

Unless it’s Roy Rogers, where they let you put all of the veggies and condiments on by yourself!

But when I asked the manager to turn off the goddamned country music while I was eating…

He said that he couldn’t turn off the music without also turning off the lights. I suspect he deliberately lied to me!

My co-worker went into McDonald’s here, and ordered in Japanese. While he was waiting, a North American tourist walked up to the counter and shouted, in English, “NUMBER 5!” The poor little Japanese counter clerk managed to keep her composure, and, summoning up what little of her junior high school English she could remember, asked, “Faibu hamubaga?” (Five hamburgers?). The tourist happily bellowed “YEAH!”. My friend didn’t hang around to see what happened when the order was filled.

109

Fuck, you people are whiny. What the fuck do you expect for four dollars? have any of you ever worked in one of those shit holes? I did. The people who work there aren’t stupid, they just don’t give a shit, and why should they? They make no money, they wear horrible uniforms, they get no benefits and they have to deal with asshole customers who want to cry and bitch about some pickles on a burger. FUCK your pickles. FUCK your precious little special orders. Just eat something out of the bin and shut the fuck up. Maybe if you’re willing to pay ten or twelve dollars for a burger then you have the right cry about service. Only a twat demands to see a manager about some petty gripe at a McDonalds. There ARE people in the world with REAL problems, for fuck’s sake.

Just FYI, people who bring back food in fast food restauraunts sometimes get something “extra” when they get their order back. Not all the time, but sometimes. Just something to thing about…

110

Can I get some of those fuck pickles please?

111

Dear “Diogenes”,

You give cynicism a bad name.

People have a right to eat what they asked and paid for. That’s the most basic service that a restaurant should provide.

I worked at a Wendy’s between high school and university, and I completely concur; it was no picnic. Even so, the fact that one’s job or manager or wage is shitty does not give one the “right” or “justification” to poison or defile another’s food. Given your logic, the refrigerator repairguy with a grudge against his boss could justifiably take a dump in every fridge he fixed. Maybe you’d like to have a grumpy garbage collector fill your convertible or swimming pool with your neighbors’ trash? How about if Doctor So and So spikes your IV with Mrs. Jones’ urine sample? Isn’t it bad enough that corporations and the government are screwing us over? Do you really condone individuals sticking it to each other?

May your Karma catch up and bop you upside the head soon.

Then, run for President.

You’ll probably win.

I hope your mailman goes postal on you.

112

As a former McDonald’s worker, I must back up Diogenes on that one. Especially about bringing back food. For Christ’s sake, it’s bad enough to eat it the first time it comes out of the kitchen. Please don’t eat it the second time!

113

I was ordering take out sandwiches from a local sub chain–Italian beef for hubby, tuna for me. The order-taker starts the sandwiches and passes them to the next person to put the cold toppings on. While I was paying, I noticed the cold-cuts guy looking very confused, then shrugging and dropping a big spoonful of tuna onto the Italian beef sandwich. At least I saw it in time to stop the whole thing and have them start over. (Think about it, cold-cuts guy–if it sounds wrong, it probably is!)

At this same shop, they’ve also asked if I want guacamole on a turkey and guacamole sandwich. And any deviation from the menu will result in a questionable outcome.

114

I didn’t say it was justified, I just said that it happens.

115

I missed the part where The Man is holding a gun to the workers’ heads, forcing them to stay in this horrible job. Was that in an earlier post that got eaten by the hamsters?

“Sir, I understand that you paid $40,000 for that Mercedes yesterday, but we can’t help you with your complaint about all the wheels falling off. Only those who paid $45,000 or more are allowed to complain or get any resolution to their problems.”

Yeah. Like being deathly allergic to Thousand Island dressing, for example, and specifically requesting that such condiment not be placed on their Big Mac. If there’s still Thousand Island dressing on there anyway, and they get sick and die from taking a bite, that’s not a REAL problem.

And here we have the epitome of idiotic ranting. I order a Big Mac without Thousand Island dressing, because of the aforementioned (although completely hypothetical) allergy to the substance. I get the burger; it has Thousand Island dressing. I notice this before taking a bite, and take it back to the counter. Now, because you (the employee) screwed up the order, and I did nothing wrong, you (the employee) feel justified in spitting or blowing your nose or whatever on my burger.

Do you have to work to be this stupid, or does it come naturally?

116

It doesn’t always happen; it happens to people who are making an ass of themselves. And if you’re that allergic to something, it’s downright dangerous to put your health in the hands of someone who doesn’t make enough money to care whether they themselves go on living!

Pardon the hyperbole; McD’s is hell on earth.

117

I didn’t say they were. Yeah they take shitty jobs voluntarily, so what? Just because they take the job doesn’t mean they have to give a shit.

It’s more like the difference between paying $40,000 for a mercedes and paying five hundred bucks for an '85 Buick LeSabre. Don’t expext anything out of the Buick.

Please note that I specified demanding to see the manager not just bringing the food back. Bringing back the burger and saying “I’m sorry, i need this without the dressing, i’m allergic,” is perfectly acceptable. Demanding to see the manager in a grandstanding show of outrage makes you a twat.

Better yet, don’t order a fucking Big Mac if you know you’re allergic to 1000 Island dressing.

Let me say it again, I didn’t say it was justified, and I didn’t say that I had ever done it. I was just warning that it it happens. If I said “Hey, be careful walking down that street after midnight, a lot of people get mugged in this neighborhood.” That doesn’t mean I’m saying that mugging you would be justified, I’m just warning you it could happen.

118

Has anyone ever gotten one of those bagel breakfast sandwiches at McDonalds that had sauce on it? We ordered one the other day and it had some really foul looking yellowish sauce on it. We’d gotten them before and they never had this stuff on them so we asked what it was.

Sauce.
What kind?
Egg and cheese sauce
(*GAG What the hell is egg and cheese sauce?)
Well, can you tell me what’s in it?
Ummmmmm…

Then he went and got the squeeze bottle and pointed to it. While I appreciated the effort, I still wasn’t eating it. Shouldn’t Mcdonalds at least tell their employees what’s in the “special sauce”?

119

Oh. See, I’m cursed with that whole “work ethic” thing, where if somebody is paying me to do a job, I feel I should do the job to the best of my ability. I didn’t realize it was okay to slag off on a job if you don’t care about it.

So in your mind, the difference between a two-dollar hamburger and a ten-dollar hamburger is equivalent to the difference between a $40,000 Mercedes and a $500, eight-year-old Buick?

I agree with this.

You have a point, to an extent. However, it should be well within the realm of possibility to expect someone of semi-average intelligence to be able to comprehend and implement the message of “No special sauce, please.”

120

Plenty of people who work behind the counters at fast food restaurants are kind, intelligent, and decent. There are also morons, assholes, and scuzzbags. I hate to see them all tarred with the same brush just because they have the world’s crappiest job.