Yeah, I think your list is nuts, and I qualify for most of them. But even I am not that happy all the time, and I’m one of the most terminally cheerful people I know. Also, I know more than you. (What you really want–if, that is, you don’t desire women to despise you as a chauvinistic jerk–is someone whose talents are not the same as yours; you can then set up a mutual-admiration society.) However, lists are fine, as long as you use them to keep in mind what you like, not what you absolutely require (as someone said, “NEXT!”). You will probably not ever find anyone who exactly fits your list–and if you do you’ll probably be sorry–but you’re quite likely to find someone close who you fall for.
Oh, except for that last one, about total understanding. People can get good at understanding each other, but watch out for yourself when you start wanting your gf to be psychic. She ain’t. Nobody is, not completely and all the time like that. Or at least, I’ve never met them.
Cisco, I’m not so sure about insane. Confused and hurt and currently misguided, yes. But if you are strong enough to get through this, which I’m sure you are, you will be even stronger for having gotten through it.
The list is nothing out of the ordinary. We all have guidelines for what we are looking for. But like other posters have suggested, don’t immediately disqualify someone because they don’t fit every single qualification on your list.
But yes, there may be someone out there who fits your list. jinwicked says she’s pretty close, and I myself fit nearly all qualifications, except for #9 (I can whoop nearly anyone’s ass at Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit).
Take some mourning time. But keep your friends close. They will help you through this. And don’t feel you have to follow patterns set by your family. This is a very different time than when your parents, aunts and uncles, and grand parents grew up in. Take your time, love life, love yourself, and love will find you.
Eh, you’re nuts, but if you’re cute most people will forgive you for it.
And if you’re flexable, you can even keep your list of “wants” around. Just don’t set them in stone. It good to have an idea of what you want. Its also good to appreciate what can’t be put in a list and go with the flow of things. Yes, right now (I read your other thread) you should relax and really not worry about it.
And since I’m newly single I want to mark off your list.
1- how about 80% of the time and multiple people calling me a source of light/sunny/radiant?
2- I’m 21, 22 in July.
3-I’m a dual major Chem Eng and Philosophy. (That actually should help answer most of your questions) You can keep Slashdot, but realise that I get excited by the Carnot cycle.
4-yea
5-yea
6- I squeeze in just under the limit. But I’m comfortable with what I’ve done. You might want to examine this area of your life. You’ve put a lot of limits on “your girl” due to your own issues. Personal growth is a good thing and there is no time like the present.
7-Oh! Fail! I have both blonde hair and big boobs. I rarely wear makeup though. (But I like my smile. My mom and I are fighting over what I feel is an adorable individual grin, and she says is an off kilter tooth that I should get braces on. I don’t want braces when I graduate from college.)
8-yea. You only think you want open honesty.
9-Well, it depends. If you can prove your studly intellect with computers and history I’ll be impressed. Chemistry, philosophy, classical music… I’m pretty good. And then, I’ll let you take on my dad. I’m pretty bright though.
10-12 yea
13- I try.
Doper Mate Checlists are more fun than internet quizzes.
I’m 21, and neither I nor my girlfriend are drop-dead gorgeous (although we both have attractive points), very cool (we’re both super-geeks), always cheerful (but we support each other in hard times), or telepathic (sometimes, we have to explain things to each other!) But we like each other and we like being around each other, and this is the best relationship I’ve ever been in.
Just like the number one rule for having a good friend is Be A Good Friend; the number rule for finding a good mate is Be A Good Mate.
The list betrays a certain amount of narcissism and quite a bit of naivety.
You seem like a fairly decent person online (I searched a few threads to make sure you were…). And being dumped hurts.
Big hurts…
So, maybe you might want to back off the dating scene for a while, find some new interests (or refind old ones), and let your heart (figurative) heal a little. You’ll recognize when it does, too. For one, you won’t even consider a list… you’ll just be yourself and enjoy the next person you find.
You’re not insane. You’re definitely not a loser. Or alone. Though it certainly does feel like that after walking down the street of broken dreams.
First things first. You do NOT need to start dating anybody else immediately. You SHOULD NOT start dating anybody else immediately. I realize the urge to find comfort in somebody else’s arms is hard to resist (assuming there’s somebody there) but when you’re obviously still not over your other relationship, getting into another would be a BIG mistake.
Personally I’m giving myself six months at the outside before I’d even consider doing more than a casual date or two, and it sounds like you want more than that. (It may be longer; it’s been four months now and I’m still a walking mass of pain most days.) I do too. I had SO MUCH FUN with my ex. But if I don’t give myself a chance to try to get past the way I was totally rejected by him and especially his family, I’m not going to be able to trust anybody else. I’m probably going to have issues trusting the family of anybody I’m dating ever again as it is – after the way THOSE people treated me, I can’t even blame me for that. If they act like they like me, I’m going to have trouble believing it, since I fell for one family’s act already.
Then you can tackle your list. It IS unreasonable. But you are not insane, just hurting badly. So am I.
w/r/t #14, what are these “Clubs” of which you speak? They dance to “dance” music? The only clubs i’ve been to seemed to think rap is “dance” music :mad::mad::mad::mad:
(give me techno-pop anyday)
oh, my list includes #4, the last #13, and #10. Major, major #10, I have written off girls because they diss my taste in music. I can take preferences, but after a certain amount of disdain, it turns from a debate about taste into disrespect for my character.
But the rest the list, I have to say, you’re insane
Sorry it took me so long to get back in here, could not find this thread for anything.
Someone up there has the right idea, Don’t drive yourself crazy worrying about dating. Being Lonely can really suck, But I think people can make the worst relationship decisions out of being lonely. Just end up with anybody, to get rid of the lonely feeling. And thats just not cool. Get a Hobby, get a hobbit, Join the cheese club. I learned the hard way, trying to complete yourself with someone else doesn’t always work.
Sorry it took me so long to get back in here, could not find this thread for anything.
Someone up there has the right idea, Don’t drive yourself crazy worrying about dating. Being Lonely can really suck, But I think people can make the worst relationship decisions out of being lonely. Just end up with anybody, to get rid of the lonely feeling. And thats just not cool. Get a Hobby, get a hobbit, Join the cheese club. I learned the hard way, trying to complete yourself with someone else doesn’t always work.
Cisco, since you are in a funk right now your attitude toward your age and your experiences may be distorted.
When I was in my late twenties, I found myself with pretty much the same attitude after being rejected. I had already planned a trip to Europe and decided to go through with it.
WOW! Did that trip ever change my life! I returned with a little improvement in my self-esteem and the realization that life can turn around on a dime! It was the best thing that I ever did for myself.
Learn to make your ownself happy. Put away the list except for the basics. Date people that you are attracted to and let things happen naturally. If things begin to get serious, then revisit your list and decide what is still important.
Find yourself before you can expect to bond with someone else!
Well i’ve followed your thread from the first “this is hard”.
I agree with the verdict: you’re insane. Hay!!welcome to the “i feel like shit club”.
But most are right. Being in such a state of emotion, both physically and mentally, does make you start thinking up these…‘checklists’. Believe me i know.
Although my story doesn’t involve a SO, it involved a best friend (to my demise, my cousin…our friendship lasted 10 years). In short, because i chose to be honest (brutaly honest, which was my HUGE mistake), she hated me, wrote/told bad things about me, blah blah blah. (and to make me feel more like an idiot, is that everything bad anyone ever thrown at me about her, i stood ground and defended her…but alas, all they said is true)
During the couple of months that followed, i felt like you did. I felt so damn used, after i sacrificed so much for her behind (she had moved in wih her now ex, and many problems arisen then, so i tried to help as much as i could) and she did zilch in return.
I had long periods where i hated her, felt like a worthless person. Crying at anything, sick all the time, times where i vomited after trying to eat(hay i lost weight too lol). Long periods where i would have given anything to be back as it used to be.
We did start communicating again…very little though. I was tired of feeling like this round the clock. In her emails and phone calls, she made it sound as if it was no big deal, that we could start again, blah blah to my gulibble behind.
Last communication, i found directly from her that she felt like as if i ‘raped her’.
You’re probably confused about this, but i did nothing of the sort. She’s the ‘drama queen’ type, where every situation she is the victim, never the attacker, and unless you love her and devote yourself only to her (no friends really, your world revolves around her) she’ll just cruch you by ripping a part of your soul. That’s what she did to me. I’m totaly conviced now to stop all communication. i don’t want to be friends with anyone that shows me different faces all the time. She sometimes rubs things in my face to make me feel small, then as if we’re best buddies.
To the advice partwhew…finnaly!: Take time to heal, then go back home. She’s not your family, she has no real control over you. She’s a confused spirit, confused yours as well. Don’t be tempted to throw another pebble to the pond. All it would do is disturb all the dirt that finally started depositing at the bottom (which represents the past/started slowley moving on).
Be Freeeeeeee!!
You’ll excuse me for just skimming your post once you got to the list part. I’m a twenty-seven year old virgin. At this point, all I’m looking for in a woman is consent.
