This is wonderful! Success already!
Last night I referred to her braces as “da grille”. Then she told me “that’s not the same thing at all, daddy”, and I responded, “Don’t be hatin’ on da playah, sistah”, and she became almost apoplectic.
I expect to have added thousands of dollars to her future therapy bills. And I haven’t even referred to my ‘sick pythons’ yet.
You young people be da schizzle.
Regards,
Shodan
Balla, where you been at? We ain’t heard from you in a minute.
TCOB. Just now, I be at the slave - I have a turnover to set up. It be righteous, yo.
Actually, tonight I be taking my baby momma to the dance lessons at the YMCA. Tonight it be the tango, yo. It be pimp, fo sho.
Y’all the illest.
Regards,
Shodan, yo
You would not believe how long it took me to translate this…
fur-real, a HOT minute. I always thought his posts were the bombs. diggity.
I’m jiggy wid dat!
Do keep us posted on your progress.
Did you say how old your daughter is?
On the one hand, this is killing me. Once again, it’s good I have an office of my own. Until someone walks through. On the other hand, if my parents did this to me, I would NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN. Fortunately, I’m old enough that I’ve stopped trying to be cool.
From my own experience, research one of her favorite bands, and then make every effort to tell everyone you meet how good they are, while deliberately getting their name wrong.
In my case it was:
Mom: “Oh there’s great new music. My son just loves those Deaf Hippos, don’t you dear”
Me: “Leppard, mom.”
Mom: “Oh yes, The Deaf Leopards. The singer is just so cute. ‘…Rock of Ages…Rock of Ages…’”
Me: crawls into a corner
The only response to anything should be, “it’s all good”.
Drives my son bananas (he doesn’t use it as much since I’ve been tormenting him) 
I can’t believe nobody has said this thread is dope.
Anything I suggest will surely pale in comparison with Salem’s triumph, but here’s what I’ve got so far:
I have no idea what band your daughter might listen to, or really any new bands, but when you talk about them add a “the” to their name that shouldn’t be there. For instance if she’s listening to music that you can ask “Hey is that The Coldplay? They are da bomb!”
Take a cue from Moon Doggy and Gidget. Start saying things like “keen”, “nifty”, and “swell” .
Call any of her male friends “Champ” or “Sport” or “Buckaroo” when they’re in your presence.
If you have canines that you let run loose in the yard, casually inquire in a deapan voice, “Who let the dogs out?,” stare at her a moment, then sing the “Roof. Roof, roof, roof, roof” refrain from the original song, while “raising the roof.”
That’d be krunk.
Hey, I already do that! It’s the ginchiest!
Or the case of a friend of mine:
Mom: …and I like—oh, what’s his name? That Nice young man? Oh, yes — BILLY IDOL!
I’m pretty sure she meant Billy Joel. Or “meant” Billy Joel.
I’d suggest a stop at 7-11 while you are driving around. Come out with a Slurpee and pour some on the ground “for my homies.” Might even be better with a Starbucks’ latte.
I have one…my daughter loves these, but then, she’s 4. Your daughter will not feel the same way.
When she does something good, say “You RAWK!” or do that “raise the roof” gesture and say, “Go (kid’s name), go (kid’s name)!”
Tell your daughter don’t be hatin’ on you. It’s all good. We down? We straight? A’ight then.
Shodan, While I am unsure what season it is in the Milky Way, here in Arizona it is summer and HOT. I used to get requests to pick up my boys from wherever my wife leaves them because it is “Too Hot” to walk home. The last time I had to do this I wore a wife beater with a oil spill on it, a pair of cutoff denim shorts with a hole where the back pocket should have been which exposed my Smiley face boxers 
and my great big straw shade hat. I pulled up and parked right in front of the pool, got out and walked around to the passenger side because I accidentally 
dropped some items on the front floorboard. I had to bend over to pick some items up and I gave all of their friends a “Plumber’s Crack” shot. I picked up the items, turned around and like Salem (Nicely Done!) called their names really loud saying “Hurry up! Maws got supper on the table and y’all gots chores to do!”
It is now never too hot to call dad for a ride when he is busy.
Wow. Reading how you implemented your plan into action… I actually feel bad for her now.
I’m embarrassed by proxy. So keep up the good work that means!
Kickback Joe, Sunrazor and Salem, beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes.
I agree with the -izzle suggestion. Use it as much as you can. Try to end every sentence with it. Like “I’m going to the storizzle. Wanna comizzle?”
This thread is hilarious.