Recently my daughter has noticed that my preferred foot wear is seriously un-cool. Actually, she mentioned that they were not “tight”, and when I agreed that instead they were quite comfortable, she became upset.
They are Old People shoes, and have Velcro straps instead of laces. When my daughter attempted to convince me that they were not the acme of fashion, I merely responded that there was a “song on that hip-hop station you listen to” about some woman in sweat pants and sneakers with straps, and she was apparently cool - why not me as well?
She responded, naturally, that Flo Rida had Reeboks, and that my shoes are from Wal-mart[sup]TM[/sup], and they cost $9.64 instead of hundreds, and that therefore neither my shoes nor I could be considered All That.
Then came my crucial error - I responded, “Well, that’s just the way I roll”, and she became most irate. I was firmly informed that I was not a hip young Black man, that I had little chance to be considered “ghetto”, that such an expression was both unfortunate and embarrassing from my lips, that instead I was an elderly white person with no sense of style whose idea of a high old time was Latin dancing lessons at the YMCA* and an early bedtime.
Which, while true, is entirely besides the point.
Since I have no chance against her in a direct confrontation, I have decided to try a sneaky, passive-aggressive kind of response. What I am requesting is ways in which I can drag out various aspects of popular culture at inappropriate times and cause my daughter to die of embarrassment.
Any suggestions? I am especially interested in popular phrases that will evince the heavy sighs and rolled eyes that are triggered whenever I attempt to wear a shirt that I owned during the Reagan administration.
Any assistance would be welcome. Don’t stall too long - bedtime is coming.
*We went there on our anniversary, followed by a trip to Dairy Queen. It was quite fun.