Please help my family keep our home.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
81

The quoted part, and the part on the contract that has caused me so much worry, is:
THIS IS A PURCHASE MONEY MORTGAGE.
IF THE MORTGAGOR SHOULD CONVEY THE PROPERTY, OR ANY INTEREST THEREIN TO ANY OTHER PARTY, WITHOUT FIRST OBTAINING WRITTEN CONSENT FROM THE MORTGAGEE, THE ENTIRE PRINCIPAL AND INTEREST THEREON, AND ANY PAYMENTS WHICH MAY HAVE BEEN MADE BY THE MORTGAGEE FOR REPAIRS, INSURANCE, TAXES, ASSESSMENTS, COSTS, CHARGES, EXPENSES, ABSTRACT FEES, ATTORNEYS’ FEES, OR OTHERWISE, SHALL AT THE OPTION OF THE MORTGAGEE BECOME IMMEDIATELY DUE AND PAYABLE WITHOUT FURTHER NOTICE, AND THIS MORTGAGE MAY BE FORECLOSED IN THE SAME MANNER AND WITH THE SAME EFFECT AS IF EACH AND EVERY OF THE SAID INDEBTEDNESS HAD OTHERWISE MATURED.

IANAL either, but it seems to me that’s saying that if we were to add Cait and me to the deed without permission of the sellers, that they have the option of calling the mortgage due, in full, immediately. That’s the part that makes me think we may have some difficulty.

Having our names added to the deed so that we already own it in thirds before dad passes seems to be our best bet. That would mean we have our 50-50 ownership automatically when the time comes. It just seems that by the contract terms, that we need written permission to do so, and they don’t have to give it to us. We’ve asked, no reply as of yet, honestly don’t expect a prompt reply. Can’t even be certain who is handling the sellers’ business, if it is the couple themselves or their children.

Yes indeed! I fill out a FAFSA every year, in the hope that I’ll be able to take some classes during one of them. I do qualify for max Pell, and will also probably be taking out student loans, as well as exploring all tuition reduction options that may be available to me.

82

I’m not a real-estate expert but I think people are reading too much into the verbiage. It is an owner-financed transaction secured with a mortgage note and a due on sale clause. Seems pretty standard for owner-financed property transactions and as pointed out above, a due on sale clause cannot be enforced on certain transfers that the OP and her dad & sister would be eligible for.

83

Did you read the law I quoted earlier?
To set it up

So it is clear all that section is is a due-on-sale clause and those are pretty standard.
What is important for you is section d

What is critical for you are #5 and #6
#5 means you cannot be forced to pay in full if you inherit the house through probate
#6 means they cannot force you or your dad to pay in full if you and your sister are added to the title.

Yes ask a lawyer the same thing but I’m sure you’re pretty safe if the quit-claim is written properly

84

SaintCad - Thank you for pulling those paragraphs out for me, I had noted the law in my to-read list, but hadn’t yet gotten that far. This is excellent, because the laws explicitly protect my sister and me as long as we go about this properly. I will do some more reading and have already scheduled phone consultations with two legal aid offices who serve veterans and disabled patients in general. I am hoping to save as much money as possible, but I recognize the need for some professional help, from attorneys or otherwise.

Tomorrow my sister and I will be sitting down and I’ma let her read through all of this thread, and we’re going to make a list of EVERYTHING we can think of to do, and the things we probably need to be setting money aside for immediately. I hope a few of you will help us prioritize and maybe even tell us where to go to accomplish those things.

legalzoom.com - is this a good resource? (opinions, please) Are there other public service providers in a similar vein that someone can recommend? I like the concept for the simple issues, but not sure if businesses like that are reliable or worthwhile.

85

Now IANAL, but as far as I know, Legalzoom provides fill-in-the-blank legal forms. I think you need a real lawyer to review the existing mortgage contract, to talk about whether to add you and your sister to the deed, to set up the will/power of attorney/living will/advanced directive for your father, etc. Now, the lawyer who reviews the real estate issues might be a different one than the one who helps with the estate planning. But a legal form website isn’t going to be enough.

86

A quick update for you all:

Thanks in LARGE part to the advice I have received here, I am fairly certain we have our solution. I cannot thank you all enough - this is not easy for me at all, and I needed smart people to help me think everything through. I absolutely came to the right place!

I have updated my GoFundMe campaign, with a very much reduced goal. I have also outlined there all the things that we could still use some money for, because dang, nothing AT ALL comes cheap, does it. Sheesh, legal fees!

My major hurdle and obstacle at this point is my father’s stubbornness. He spooked me in the first place, convincing us that the situation was DIRE and URGENT and EXPENSIVE. I do think I have him calming down a bit.

TLDR: So, now we’re looking into establishing a Living Trust, with a pour-over will included. My sister and I are prepared to move her down here and combine our efforts to continue to uphold the original contract as written, but we are also looking into the possibility of private financing for us alone, on our own contract.

Thank you all again, I hope you’ll agree that my plea is much more reasonable. Maybe still a TAD excessive, but if not Alaska, I would like to do something fun for my daddy at the first available opportunity. Something he’s never seen or done before.

The Dope is the greatest, truly. I’ll never forget all the help I’ve been given here. I’ll do ya all proud.

87

Here’s the email I sent to my daddy - I think I have all the bases covered. I hope I am reading and understanding the laws properly.
Email to Sarah’s Dad
Sorry about the double post, the first upload site I tried didn’t work at all. Mods: possible to merge posts?

88

I’m so glad things are turning around, and that on top of everything else, your dad is on board with all that needs to happen and is becoming at peace with it. I’ll continue to keep you, your sister, niece and, of course, father in my prayers.

89

This is great news!!

90

Congrats on having circumstances not as bad as you initially thought.

You said that insurance and taxes would be about $2400 and $700 for three months of house payments which leaves around $4900 for the legal fees, a family trip to Alaska and possibly assistance with the final costs.

How much are you setting aside for the last three costs?

91

You may want to inquire, when you see a lawyer, how wise/unwise it may be to put your sister’s name on the house if she still has $30k of outstanding debts she’s not paying on.

It would be worth asking about, just so you know!

92

Well, Alaska isn’t likely, to be honest. We’ll do it if we can! There’s more that I am considering as far as need goes, but mostly I am thinking in terms of a cushion for maintaining our responsibilities on the house, I’m going to need something like 20 certified copies of death certificates fairly quickly in order to transfer assets/assume ownership, etc. The man has more financial accounts (mostly empty) than I ever suspected.

Basically, the immediate-upon-passing kinda of needs that we won’t be able to cover ourselves. I am researching the costs of funerals and burial preparation locally, and encouraging Dad to give me an idea of how he’d like things handled, but he’s still far from the acceptance stage, and so his answers are noncommittal at best.

We do have several things that will be sold, or are being sold. Boat, motorcycle, possibly a vehicle. Some durable equipment - things no one else would have a need for. No way of knowing how fast those things can be liquidated, but they’re on the table as well.

ANY cushion, ANY security is good, to my mind. I’m also learning all the things I’ll want to do to ensure my family never has to go through such a panic for me - it sure costs a lot to die. :frowning:

93

You might also look into buying a burial insurance policy and other “No medical exam” policies. My father died of lung cancer, and a month or two my mother bought the burial policy, which paid off a good chunk of his funeral expenses.

And (not to sound harsh) but a funeral can be anything from modest to lavish. Don’t spend money you don’t have to give him the best of everything. My step-father, who can afford to have a really nice funeral, has already said he wants a cremation. He’s pre-arranged a cremation through the Neptune Society and in the event of his death we’re just to call them. They’ll pick up his body and return ashes. At the end of the day, the funeral is for you, not for him, and wouldn’t he prefer that you have a place to live?

StG

94

Oh, I very much agree. I am aiming for respectful and respectable, but lavish is not a word that can be used to describe any of us. Most likely a cremation, and we have the burial itself covered by the VA in a National Cemetery (they will inter ashes if you like). I’d like to give him a small service if possible, he has many people in his life that will wish to pay their respects, but no church will be involved and it’ll be more of a personal affair. These two may not happen at the same time, but I am thinking at the least a small graveside ceremony for his family and closest friends. Perhaps a memorial celebration later on.

95

One thing you should do is to set up wills/living wills/ healthcare advanced directives for you and your sister at the same time that you’re doing so for your father.

96

You also should look into Florida’s laws concerning small estates. States sometimes have a process for speedily handling smaller estates (I think in Illinois it is estates under $100,000) with a minimum of paperwork and no need to go through probate. There are state-specific (maybe even county-specific) rules and regulations (such as whether equity in a personal residence is included in the valuation of the estate or not), so you would be well-advised to discuss it with a local legal professional.

97

Just bumping to ask how things are going. I hope everything doesn’t seem so overwhelming now.

98

I have been wanting to post an update, but was loathe to bump my own thread back to the first page.

A little less overwhelmed by the spectre of losing the house, though our solutions involve a lot of changes for the whole family. In order to continue paying the mortgage, my sister, mom, and niece are moving here. Getting my mom fully on board has been tough, but she sees the logic - why should they keep paying $850/month to rent when they can put their money toward home ownership? I hate that it requires uprooting them all and starting over, but it’s my sister’s choice and it’s what she wants, so I won’t tell her no.

Dad is being…difficult. There are 34 years of history between the two of us that help me to understand why he is the way he is, but for you guys I will just say that he’s the type who cannot accept failure, helplessness, defeat. He does not believe depression is a real thing that exists, and believes that self-control is the only way to deal with any emotion. Needless to say, his self-control is failing him miserably lately.
When I told him today that I believe he is suffering from a degree of hepatic encephalopathy, he had never heard the term and didn’t know what it meant. I explained it to him as best I could, that his emotional state and anger and sometime confusion could possibly be a result of the poisons that build up in his bloodstream affecting his brain.
That and he’s kind of a mean old dude to begin with.

So as of yet, there is no Will. There is no Trust. There are no set funeral arrangements, I can’t even get specific wishes out of him. That’s fine, I assured him it would all be handled with dignity, but I would of course prefer to do what he really wants.

We’re still short of money, but also still looking for solutions to those problems. Found that we’ll likely need to enlist the services of two different funeral providers. One local to handle his remains and transport him to the National Cemetery, one closer to the cemetery to perform the actual interment and arrange the service, military honors, etc.
Funeral services are gawdawful expensive. We’ll have to enter into payment arrangements personally with the providers, and then wait to be reimbursed by the VA.

Is anyone in the Southwest Georgia/Southeast Alabama area that has any recommendations? We’re limited here in East Jesus Nowhere, Florida, but I’m looking for reasonable and reputable in and around the Columbus/Phenix City area.

The VA has received his claim for service-connected disablity status, and it’s on the expedited track at the moment. We then got a letter saying they needed proof that he is terminal, and that - get this! - submission of any additional information would take him out of the expedited claims group and put him back into the standard claims group. They also asked him to upload the info to the Health-E-Vet website…which is where he got the information in the first place. Talk about one hand not knowing what the other is doing.

We’re confident that we will EVENTUALLY get all available compensation and support from the VA on his behalf. I just hope it’s sooner rather than too much later.

Personally for me, this is all very difficult. I am not such a good juggler, and some of these damn batons are on freakin fire. Unfortunately my health is taking a backseat at the moment, aside from basic needs. It’s ok for the moment because it seems happy to sit back there, but I kinda feel a looming presence - maybe from pure stress or exhaustion.
I am starting classes at TCC May 6th, I am pretty excited about it. The more I look into being a Paralegal, the cooler it sounds. Having that training will open a lot of doors for me, and I think I’d be a good fit for careers like that. Only worry there is taking my math classes online. I much prefer one-on-one instruction for things I need to learn, so I will be exploring ways to make sure I get good enough grades that I never have to do those again.
Dad’s bitter, sarcastic, sometimes cruel, and usually just plain ugly to people. He doesn’t think about how NOBODY knows the right thing to say to someone who’s dying. There’s nothing in the world that wil be right, and his loved ones are hurting too. And here’s little ol me, the only one here, bearing the brunt of it all. It’s hard. I need help, but there’s no one available that he’ll allow to come spend time here. He doesn’t want strangers in the house.

I’m holding on, taking things one day at a time. Thank you all for continuing to think of me and cheering me on!

99

How is your terminal, bordering on cruel, Dad, and your not in good health self, going to manage all these people moving in with you? It sounds extremely stressful for persons in ill health and barely getting by financially.

I know you’re passionate about keeping the house but will it really be worth the stress to you all? Which could so easily land some of you in hospital plus incur more medical costs.

The day may come when you regret not just selling the house, (pay for a cruise for Pop’s, give him the funeral you feel he deserves, if these things are most important for you!), then take whatever remains and purchase something you can COMFORTABLY afford. Y

(ou can still all live together, if that’s important, sharing housing costs to everyone’s benefit.)

I’m still crossing my fingers and wishing you the best of luck, but man, if it was my
Dad and I was in poor health I don’t know if I’d take on this kind of stress for everyone involved. But then, I can be a worrier.

Glad to have an update and to know you’re still pressing on!

100

The big move won’t happen until after he is gone. We’re anticipating a 2-3 month turnaround period between his death and the arrival of the rest of my family.

We actually live quite comfortably, if modestly, on his social security income and what I bring in selling crafts and doing freelance writing stuff. It’s never been an issue of maintaining the usual costs of living, but there isn’t much extra anymore.

Financially, we women will have the costs of living here more than covered. They’ll actually be saving a lot by moving to a state with no sales tax on food, rural auto insurance rates, and a lower cost of living in general. Possibly even enough saved to cover the added expenses (as opposed to renting) of the homeowner’s insurance and property taxes. I recall my 6 month car insurance premium going down by $400ish the last time I moved home from Chattanooga. After that I just kept my residency in sunny Florida regardless of where I slept.