I’d rather not say too much about it yet. I just want to get some impressions about any aspect of it, especially about anything that bothers you. I’m more concerned with sound than lyrics or compositional elements. Even on a superficial level, how does it sound to you?
OK, but remember that you asked.
The vocals need rehearsal. On the slides up and down at the ends of the line it’s not hitting on the note. This is perfectly natural as you’ve got some soft intervals in there, so just practice, practice practice.
Run it through 100 times or so, without instruments, being cognizant of those notes. Do them over and over staccato before you try to slide them again, until hitting each one right on the tone feels natural. Then do just the slides over and over in the shower or on the commute, that sort of thing. Only then go back to putting them in the overall song, and with the instruments.
Re-record them with a richer tone. I don’t know what equipment you are using, but you may be able to do this with the playback filters.
Also, tone the high hat way, way down. Too much high hat makes things sound cheap. If you can possibly do it, add a base line in the background. It needs more low tones. Right now it’s like a hair color that is all highlights. Go back and sprinkle some low lights in.
I hope that is helpful, and what you were looking for! Please discard anything that is not useful.
Criticizing the criticism a bit: Running through the whole thing 100 times is rarely the best use of your time. Running through the tiny parts (three notes here, three notes there) that really need work, 500 times each, takes less time and fixes more stuff.
Sorry if it wasn’t clear, yes, that’s what I meant. Run through the slide sections repeatedly. First staccato to get the tones accurate, and only then start sliding them again.
The cadence (timing) of the vocals is a bit messy. That’s sometimes OK but I don’t think that was what you were aiming for in this piece. I’m not a musician so that’s about all I can say. Keep it up (Aussie boy!?).
Thanks, this is exactly what I was asking for. So this is a song written for the end credits of a documentary. My biggest fear all along has been the vocals, because I just can’t sing. But this time I thought I’d try, hoping that a producer might have some magic audio tricks to make bad vocals sound good. (my 2nd biggest concern was that I wanted a real drummer, not the vst arranged drums you hear in the track).
At this point, there is no time to re-record anything. I only have a few days before the absolute deadline is reached, and there’s no way to get access to the studio or the good mics in time (at least not within the budget of $0). So the plan now is to sit with the producer and his laptop and see what kinds of fx we can throw on there to make the quality of the vocal performance less an issue. I’ll also ask him to take a look at the hi-hat. (BTW, there is bass. Are you perhaps listening to it on a laptop?).
Anyway, thanks a lot for the feedback!
OK so I had another producer remix it. Keeping in mind that re-recording anything is not an option at this point, I would really appreciate some feedback (even if you just listen to 20 seconds of the first verse): Patio with a View (delay mix).
Does the low quality of the singing performance feel less bothersome here than in the first version?