Because I had a doozy today. Bear with me as I reveal the details of this, as I am truely mortified. Here’s what happened.
I was at work today (my NEW job…I’ve only been there TWO DAYS) and I…ahem used the restroom. (read: number 2. And I had chili last night. Yikes)
I flushed, then all of a sudden (and I mean FAST) the toilet starts filling up. I open the door and try to run out fast so no one sees me, and someone else is coming in (a girl who works in manufacturing). As I meet her face to face in the doorway, the toilet OVERFLOWS, and I mean with force. I had to run out the door so it wouldn’t go on my shoes!
So I want to just die, and steps out of the bathroom and hollers ACROSS the manufacturing floor (while I’m standing right there, probobly looking like I wanted to die)“Joe! Hurry! There’s a flood in the ladies room!”
I slunk away and hid for a few hours. When I came out the bathroom was cleaned up and the door was standing open (to dry the floor, I guess.) The only thing that keeps me going is that MAYBE they didn’t tell everyone in the place that the new girl took a dump and overflowed the toilet. (Yeah, right- as if they didn’t tell)
Later I had to pass the guy in the hall and act like nothing happened. I just wanted to crawl in a hole.
So, anyone else have anything awful happen? Please share so I don’t feel so bad…
Zette
Why, oh WHY couldn’t it have just been pee???WHYYYYYYY?
All day I kept thinking of the restaurant scene in “Deuce Bigalo, Male Gigalo” where the manager says “We got a problem in the ladies room- there’s shit everywhere!”
I tend to put things behind me well and often struggle to recall embarrassing moments but to make sure you don’t feel alone Zette I’ll tell you a tale of yesteryear…
Scene: Warwick. Home of the family of my girlfriend (at the time).
We’d spent Xmas eve there as is their tradition which was good because I could drive back to Toowoomba (an hour’s drive) early in the morning to be with my own family (sort of have my Christmas cake and eat it too). So everything went to plan. Got up at 5:30 and hopped in the van I’d borrowed because my car was in the shop. I’m very self-conscious about making any noise.
So imagine my horror when I back heavily into a small car behind me that I hadn’t seen because of the dark and the height of the van/loweness of the car!!!
Worse still it’s the gf’s father’s car!!
Even worse still the noise wakes the entire household up.
Zette overflows the toilet into the room, covering it in number 2
<slvrfire> LMAO.
<slvrfire> i mean…
<IMSilo> ummm
<slvrfire> ummmm…
<IMSilo> lol
*** Demo- (PeP@user-1054t08.dsl.mindspring.com) has joined the channel #StraightDope
*** Mode change "+o Demo- " on channel #StraightDope by W
<Zette> I have to laugh…it was just so awful…
<Zette> Hey Demo
<slvrfire> hiya demo
<Zette> Did you guys see "d
<slvrfire> it’s good that you can laugh about
<slvrfire> it
<Zette> Deuce Bigalow?
<Demo-> hey Slvr, Zette
<slvrfire> not yet
<Zette> When you do, you’ll think of me. I promise…
<slvrfire> but i still had a giggle when you made reference to it in your
thread
<Zette> slvr, you’ll bust a gut when you see it.
<slvrfire> yes, i laughed at you…sorry…=)
<Zette> demo, here’s how MY day went…
<Zette> http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=34169
<Garfield2> Anyone talked to Welfy lately?
<Zette> 's OK, slvr…
<slvrfire> good
<slvrfire> why?
<slvrfire> garf
<Zette> no, not me
<slvrfire> ield
<Postoshan> nope
<Garfield2> Just wondering.
<slvrfire> nope
<Garfield2> 'Cause I haven’t
<slvrfire> me either
*** slvrfire is now Known as slvrSDMB
Zette keeps beating a dead horse…I was so embarassed, I didn’t even tell my
husband
<Garfield2> Hmm. .
<IMSilo> hey, someone op me I’m not used to not having ops
Jophiel doesn’t tell Zette the image she just gave him
<Jophiel> We’re not used to you having Ops
<Zette> Jo…
<Zette> ::snicker::
<IMSilo> errrrr
Zette beats the dead horse, then poops on him…then doesn’t tell her
husband…
<IMSilo> actually, I’ve never kicked anyone
<Demo-> oh, poor Zette
*** Ang (aosmondduh@spc-isp-mtl-58-1-630.sprint.ca) has joined the channel #StraightDope
<Zette> Demo! I almost died…
<Zette> Hey Ang
<Demo-> I bet! That’s terrible!
<Ang> hey!
<Zette> is that our Angkins?
*** Mode change "+o Ang " on channel #StraightDope by WoodSurfn
<Demo-> Heya Angie!
<Zette> Ang, get a load of this…
<Zette> http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=34169
<Zette> (Ang will love it)
<WoodSurfn> What is it about?
<Demo-> Is that my Jophiel I see there?
<Zette> Demo, all I can do is laugh…it was just so awful…
<Jophiel> Zette started beating the horse… then realized it was dead… then
kept beating it despite her embarassment. Then decided she probably shouldn’t tell
her husband about it
<Zette> Wood, read it…it’s not long…
<Demo-> Yep, that’s about all you can do. I’m terrified of that happening.
<Zette> exactly, Jo…sorta…
<Jophiel> Demo missed me… aaawwwwwww…
<Demo-> I did.
<Zette> Demo, it was unbelieveable. I had to RUN out of the way!
<Garfield2> I bet the horse is enjoying this.
<Zette> OK, I’ll stop beating it…sorry Garf
<Zette> Garf seems sick of my shit…ooops!
<Zette> ::snicker::
<Zette> thank God I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy
<Ang> OH MY GOD!!! LMAO!!!
<Zette> Ang! Hold me! It was awful!
<Demo-> Zette, I want a graphic description of what was in the pot.
<Garfield2> Eww. . .
<Demo-> Let’s talk about your poo.
<Zette> Demo, trust me- you don;t. It was NOT good…
<Zette> rather liquid…(sorry!)
<Demo-> Chili-Poo, that is.
<Demo-> yay!
*** Displaying URL error: {{ ZETTE}}
<Ang> {{{ ZETTE}}}
<Ang> ewww…
<Garfield2> EWWW. . .
<Zette> well, imagine the poor guy with the mop!
<Zette> Imagine if they made me clean it up myself like a bad kid?
<Zette> Bad Zette! Bad Zette!
<WoodSurfn> They should’ve!
<Demo-> lol Zette!
<Ang> lol!!
<WoodSurfn> With your toothbrush!
<Demo-> oh!
<Zette> lol!
<Ang> well… shit happens!
<Zette> it sure does!
<Zette> Next time I’m holding it 'till lunchtime…
<Demo-> In a big way…
<WoodSurfn> Then forced you to brush! Using the toilet water as mouthwash!
<Zette> and going to the coffee shop…(sorry Ang- I won’t pick one of yours)
<Zette> ewww! Wood!
WoodSurfn erupts in maniacal laughter.
<Ang> and at work it rolls downhill… until the janitor has to clean it up!!!
LMAO!!!
<Demo-> when you’re slidin’ in to first and your pants are gonna burst-Diarrhea
diarrhea!
<WoodSurfn> LOL!
<Zette> I guess we know who’s at the bottom of THAT particular totem pole…
<Zette> Demo!
<Zette> stop!
<Demo-> heheh!
<Jophiel> Demo is nothing if not classy
<Zette> BWWWAAAHHAAAA!
<WoodSurfn> Demo, please contiinue
<Demo-> lol!
<Zette> What if they’re singing that behind my back??
<WoodSurfn> They are. At least, i am.
<Demo-> I can just imagine the little chunks of undigested beef slipping across
the floor…
<Zette> “When you’re sliding into third,and you lay a juicy turd,
diarrhea…diarrhea!”
<Demo-> lol Woody!
<WoodSurfn> Undigested! Bah!
<Zette> Ack!
<Zette> well, could have been worse…
<WoodSurfn> Continue!
<Zette> could have been that time of month, too…
<Ang> now are the new co-workers gonna wanna play with you?
<Demo-> When you’re slidin’ in to home and your pants are full O’ foam-Diarrhea
plop plop diarrhea
<WoodSurfn> Full moon?
<Ang> EWWWWWWWWWW!!!
<Zette> I don’t know! Not ONE single person said a word about it…
WoodSurfn applauds
<Zette> lol!
<Ang> lol!!
<Ang> some things shouldn’t be discussed at work
<Zette> maybe the people involved felt sorry for me or too embarrased to talk
about it to anyone…
<Postoshan> diarrhea
<Postoshan> cha
<Postoshan> cha
<Postoshan> cha
<WoodSurfn> Maybe no one has the heart to tell you that the janitor is suing
you.
<Demo-> lol
<Postoshan> “Hey, remember that woman?”
<Postoshan> “Which one?”
<Postoshan> “The one that smeared chunky diarrhea all over the floor.”
<WoodSurfn> “The shitty one.”
<Postoshan> “Oh, HER. What about her.”
<Demo-> I hope you didn’t eat corn on the cob too.
<Postoshan> “She’s back, and she’s eating a taco.”
<Demo-> ROFL Surg!
<WoodSurfn> “She did it again. In the MEN’s restroom.”
<Ang> maybe they are saying " the poor new girl… only here two days and look
at all the crap she has stirred up!! "
<Zette> Surgo!!
<Demo-> ha!
<Zette> NOOOOOO!
<Zette> Surg, you suck!
<Zette> Ang!
<Zette> I am literally crying with laughter…
<Zette> mmmm…tacos…::splat::
<WoodSurfn> Don’t start with that mushy shit, Zette.
<Ang> me too!!!
*** BluTwylit (blutwylite@ACA4F27C.ipt.aol.com) has joined the channel #StraightDope
*** Mode change "+o BluTwylit " on channel #StraightDope by WoodSurfn
<Garfield2> LOL WOOD!!!
<WoodSurfn> We sure do know our shit, don’t we!
<Zette> Oh, my god…this is worse then the Scope incident…
*** Mode change "+o IMSilo " on channel #StraightDope by Demo-
<Zette> I know Ang knows that one…
<Zette> Hey Blu
<BluTwylit> hi everyone
<Zette> wanna see some funny shit?
<Zette> ::snicker;:
<BluTwylit> hi zette
<Ang>
<BluTwylit> sure
<Demo-> no, that was the worst Zette
<Zette> http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=34169
<Ang> lol
<Jophiel> Zette and the Scopes Monkey Trial?
<Zette> ang, that “stirring up a lot of crap” one made me totally lose it…
<WoodSurfn> Zette, this time you are up shit creek without a paddle.
<Demo-> Zette and the cup o tampon
*** scndlaw Signoff (Ping timeout for scndlaw[199.179.163.219])
<Zette> Why is my life so weird??
<Zette> WHY??
<Demo-> God hates you?
<Ang> you are quite the shit disturber at work.
<Demo-> I think you’re just full of shit Zette.
<Demo-> You’re the SHIT!
<Ang> your always giving people shit
<Zette> Wah!
<WoodSurfn> Zette, you dont’t have to give a shit about what co-workers think
of you.
<Demo-> lol!
<Zette> you guys are awful!
<WoodSurfn> No shit!
Demo- is cracking up.
<Zette> I gotta log this chat and post it…it’s hilarious
<Demo-> Zette, tell us the Scope story again.
<Zette> I think Blu got grossed out of existance reading about my shit
<Garfield2> You guys remember the chocolate river in Willy Wonka. . .
<Demo-> oh Garf!
<WoodSurfn> I hope zette doesn’t put me on her shitlist after this…
<Zette> I can’t Demo…I don’t have it in me tonight…
<Ang> you treat people shitty
<Zette> GARF!
<Zette> AHHH!
<Demo-> I understand.
<Ang> loL!!!
<Zette> It came out like a flood! I’ve never seen anything like it!
<Ang> you have to stop giving the staff so much shit!!
<Demo-> Did it burn coming out? Was it spicy chili?
<Demo-> Was it pungent?
<WoodSurfn> Get your shit together, Zette, because the shit has really hit the
fan.
<Demo-> LOL Wooody!
<Zette> it was extremely pungent…
*** Garfield2 has changed the topic to “Typical SD Conversation.” on channel #StraightDope
<Zette> yipes…
<Postoshan> Liquid fire shit?
<Zette> pretty close, Surgo
Zette tears up her chili recipe…
*** Demo- has changed the topic to “<Zette> It came out like a flood! I’ve
never seen anything like it!” on channel #StraightDope
<WoodSurfn> Your coworkers are gonna shit on you for this
<Zette> Oh, my aching sides…
<Garfield2> NO! Don’t tear it up! Market as a laxitive.
<WoodSurfn> Let me move on to “crap”…
<Demo-> Holy shit! Not crap!
<Zette> "How 'bout some of my Smooth Moves chili?
<Zette> That’ll move the mail!
<Ang> well… we can say you made a shitty first impression … on the janitor
at least!!
<Postoshan> Don’t let them give you any shit.
<Demo-> Metamuchili
<Garfield2> Smooth. Heh.
<Demo-> heheh Anj
<WoodSurfn> I can’t think of anything for “crap”! SHIT!
<Garfield2> Tex-Mex Ex-Lax
<Postoshan> Zette, you going to Vegas?
<Zette> I just wanna pick up the intercom and yell “YES! I shit and overflowed
the toilet! Fucking sue me!” to break the tension…
<Postoshan> Avoid dice games if you go.
<Zette> Surgo, no…
<Demo-> ha Garf!
<Zette> ::snicker::
<Zette> Craps! AHHH!!
<Postoshan> She gets it!
<Demo-> Zette, you should just start cutting juicy farts around everyone. You
can’t do any worse.
<Postoshan> Two points!
<Zette> No kidding, Demo…
<Demo-> nICE sURG.
<Demo-> Sowy
<Ang> lol, Dem!!
<Zette> Morning Boss! ::::pppffftt::::
<WoodSurfn> Everyone is going tho think you are a shit-faced shithead
<Demo-> heheh!
<Zette> shit for brains…
<Postoshan> Next time you want to freak them out, just ask “Is anybody in the
bathroom?”
<Zette> shitting up the place
<Ang> lol… STOP!!! my sides hurt!! you cruel cruel people!!
<Garfield2> Heh.
<Zette> Ang, I need a ruling…
<Demo-> Shiite Muslim…(I’m at the bottom of the barrel)
<Postoshan> Who wants mexican?
<Zette> which is worse…this or the Scope incident?
<Postoshan> What’s that smell?
<Demo-> Scope…definitely
<WoodSurfn> If your coworkers givwe you any shit over this crap, tell them to
blow it out their ass!
<Postoshan> Is the plunger handy?
<Zette> Oh good…
<Garfield2> Chili! OH NO! EVACUATE!!!
<Demo-> heehee Woody
<Demo-> Garf is all about double entendres
<Zette> “Code 2, we got a code 2 in the lunchroom…Zette is eating chili again.
Red alert, red alert, over”
<Postoshan> Ask if they can supply you with an anal catheter.
<Postoshan> Might make things easier.
<Demo-> eeewww
<Demo-> Get a colostomy
<Zette> Hey Zette! Good job! Here’s your colostomy bag!
<Demo-> Jinx!
<Zette> that’ll be my quarterly bonus
<Ang> maybe they should put in your contract no chili until the weekend
<WoodSurfn> Hindquarterly
<Postoshan> Not to be anal about this, but shouldn’t that be an annual thing?
<Zette> God I’m glad I can laugh at myself. Otherwise I’d have to quit and
never go back
<Postoshan> The SDMB just got really slow.
<Zette> I figure, screw it. Everyone shits, right? And everyone lives in fear
of this happening, right?
<Postoshan> I don’t.
<Garfield2> Not me.
<Zette> What happened to Blu?
<Postoshan> I’ve perfect control over my gastro-intestinal tract.
<Ang> I would NEVER shit at work
<Postoshan> I eat and think “That’s going to come out a nice, moist,
well-formed shit”
<Zette> Ang, I had the runs! I had to!
<IMSilo> damn SD is tooooo slowwww
<Zette> don’t make me feel worse!
<Ang> I’d go home
<WoodSurfn> Do coworkers gush out of the room at the sight of you?
<Ang> oops!! sorry
<Zette> Ang, I work 45 minutes away!
<Postoshan> Are they calling you the ‘shit lady’?
<Postoshan> Or shitmeister?
<Zette> On the upside, it overflowed so hard and so fast, they may actually not
have realized I did it. They may have thought it was just sewage coming up…
<WoodSurfn> no shit!
<Ang> damn!! that doesn’t work for you then… I drive around town all day…
never more than 10 minutes from home!!
*** IMSilo is now Known as SuperSilo
<Postoshan> The ultimate zette-threat “Kiss my ass”
<Zette> it’s not like it just ran- it like exploded…by the time I was out
the door it was covering the floor
<Ang> they probably do not think it was you… they are wondering about the
chick before you
<Zette> yeah, she has a really rotten ass, I hear…
Zette starts rumors
*** slvrSDMB is now Known as slvrfire
<WoodSurfn> When people call Zette an asshole, they have no idea how close to
the truth that statement is!
*** Zette is now Known as shitgrl
<slvrfire> LoL
<shitgrl> Oh, the humiliation!
<Ang> see, there… you’ll fit in great
<Postoshan> Me, I think Zette’s the shit.
<shitgrl> I’m posting this chat…does anyone mind?
OK Zette, I have one for you. I was on my honeymoon in Hawaii. Earlier in the day I had eaten my first papaya. My new husband and I were at a luau, where you could have all the free mai-tais you could drink. Mai-tais taste good. I drank many. Once we had finished eating and drinking, we were led to an outdoor stadium-type arena to watch the Hawaiian dancing people, when suddenly, I start to feel a rumbly in my tumbly. Hmm…I guess the papaya and the mai-tais were having quite the fight in my belly, not to mention the poi and God knows what else I ate that night. I whispered to my husband that I’d be right back, and I make a mad dash for the ladies room. I get to the little restroom ‘hut’, and I see what appears to be the entire Kauai police and fire departments working on a woman who had passed out. In the ladies room. I had all but 3 seconds to make up my mind whether I wanted to go in there (with all the nice police and fire men), shit my pants, or go in to the mens room. I chose the mens room. I ran in there with my hands up around my eyes like blinders, screaming “I’m sorry, I have no choice!”. Luckily, the one and only stall was available, and not a minute too soon. When I was done, I was at the sink washing my hands, and 2 firemen walked in. I sheepishly smiled at them and ran out.
Rose
Okay, Zette, here you go. I’m not sure if this counts as my most mortifying experience, but it’s up there.
When I was in my early twenties, I was quite a heavy drinker. I was drinking with friends of mine at a bar in Winnipeg called the Royal Albert, which used to be a good spot to see up and coming bands (this would be ca. 1984). The Albert could be a bit rough in those days, but as far as parties went, it was the best place in town. Anyway, I’m drinking and drinking all day and into the night - wine, beer, shooters, vodka, etc. when I get the distinct realization that I’m about to get sick. I look up, the band’s playing, the dance floor’s packed (our table’s at the edge of the dance floor)…I turn around to scope out the way to the men’s room. On one side, a table of skinheads, a little farther down, a table of bikers. “Not good,” I think, “You puke anywhere near either of those tables and you’ll be dead before you hit the ground.” So I think to myself, “Mind over matter…you can control this.” I get to the point where I figure I’ve conquered the puke urge, and then WHAM! Projectile vomit right across the dance floor. Needless to say, I got up, went to the men’s room, and tidied up.
You’ll be pleased to know, however, that I continued drinking, newly detoxified as I was. Sometimes, you just need a good barf.
Zette girl… I had the toidy thing happen to me too. Our school is attached to a maintenance building where over 50 men work. Our custodian took it upon himself to let them all know what I had done and for months everytime they walked by the office they made farting sounds and asked how the plumbing was. They thought it was a riot.
There’s a new guy at work, Scott. This happened a few days ago.
Three of us were standing behind the counter at work. I farted, a quiet little squeeker. They could hear it, and we all giggled a bit. A few minutes later, one of the other guys farted, and Scott says, loudly “Jesus Christ, Tim, did you fart AGAIN? Damn, that STINKS!” loud enough for everyone in the department to hear.
My ex-hubby and I are living in a rented flat. I’m not on the pill so we’re using condoms. I assume that ex-prick is throwing everything away after use, not really knowing or caring.
I come home one spring day to the landlord putting in screens. He had pushed the bed away from the windows and was standing in about 5 months worth of empty condom wrappers.
When it happened, I wasn’t too embarrassed, but after I sobered up…well, let’s just say I’m glad I don’t remember it.
A few years ago, I was at a two-week training class, along with about 20 co-workers from different offices around the state. Classes were all-day affairs, and pretty rigorous, so we usually went out drinking and/or partying to blow off some steam in the evenings. One night, about 7 of us went out on a pub crawl, and after about the third stop, I was absolutely wasted. Somehow, I managed to accompany the group from bar to bar, mostly propped up by the others, who were kind enough not to leave me behind. I vaguely remember participating in the group decision to hit a local hot tub place. They poured me into one of the cars, and we took off. Once we got there, I weaved my way across the parking lot, stopped on the threshold of the hot tub place, and puked my guts out. Suddenly, everybody figured that I was the last person they wanted to have in the hot tub, so they brought me back to the hotel.
I still don’t know if they went back to the tubs that night…
I was walking on a pedestrian crosswalk across Kalakaua Avenue (this is THE main street in Waikiki) wearing a sundress. For some reason I wasn’t wearing underwear that day.
Just as I get near the sidewalk, a breeze blows, and… you guessed it: my dress does a Marilyn Monroe ooooh—it-feels-so-good! skirt-flip thing.
I mooned all the cars waiting for the light to turn green.
Apparently my face was the same shade of red as the stop light.
I used to travel a LOT for work, and spent 6 weeks in a small town a couple of years ago, looking for a manager to hire and train. There not being a lot of good restaurants in the town, I had lost some weight while there, AND I was in the habit of hitting the same Shoney’s for breakfast each morning.
One morning, I had been seated by the hostess person, and on my way to the breakfast bar to get some food…my skirt fell down around my ankles, revealing me in my pantyhose and g-string. In front of a table of old men and women(60-70 year olds). I stepped into a side room, and pulled it up to fasten it. I did eat my breakfast that morning…but didn’t go back to that restaurant for the rest of my stay there.
ok, this happened to me when i was in high school.
i was on the cross country team, and the school was abandoned as it was early in the morning. i have the urge to make a doodie, so i go to the basement bathroom and start my business. right when i start to pee i hear this wierd noise, so i stop for a sec. the noise goes away. i don’t think anything of it and i start to pee again. the noise starts, and i stop. i finally realize after a couple of tries that the noise is perfectly synced with my pissing. so i look down and realize that i’m using one of those U-seats and mr. winkie had decided to fall on the outside of the bowl and that sounds was my shorts getting covered in urine. i don’t even know why i didn’t notice it was happening. needless to say, i didn’t run in the athletic shorts that day.
Damn! Why am I never around when stuff like this happens?
My worst was just a year or two ago. I was sitting in class (which was VERY boring) and fell asleep. You know how all your muscles (like your anal sphincter???) relax when you go to sleep? I farted so loudly I woke myself up. I just went back to sleep and pretended nothing happened. What else could I do?
High school awards assembly, senior year. The entire student body is seated on the gym bleachers. Now, every year at my school they gave out an award to one senior for each of the major disciplines–Math, Science, English, etc. Our science teacher, Mrs. Wiseman announces that I have been selected for the “Outstanding Science Student Award” or whatever they called it. So I walk down the bleachers to receive my award.
Now, I’m about 6’4", Mrs. Wiseman is about 5’4". It’s important to visualize this. She proceeds to give me my award, and I notice she’s getting closer than one would normally expect. I am frozen like a deer in the headlights. As I stand there stunned, she kisses me on the Adam’s apple, in front of the entire school. All I can do is look confused, smile sheepishly, and walk very quickly through the laughter back to my seat.
To this day, I can’t imagine what the hell she was thinking.
Every year we took about 130 uniforms, laid them out across the seat-backs in the auditorium, and then the band members would come into the auditorium and try on the coats and pants until they found something that almost fit. (Band uniforms are meant to go on OVER one’s regular clothing.)
I was certainly in a fog, as when I found the first pair of pants that I needed to try on, I “forgot” that I was standing in the auditorium and proceeded to drop my pants.
Amazingly, everyone was so intent on finding their own uniform that nobody noticed!
