Please reassure me everthing will turn out okay.

Life these days is such a blur…so much so I don’t even know why I’m doing anything I’m doing anymore.

Three years ago I set myself on the possible career change journey in computer science / engineering due to frustrations with my job… At the start of this journey I was just beginning my first relationship, was fit and healthy (I was running half marathons) and felt I had direction and a mission. I kept working and studying part time. I did some correspondence classes. All the while I found a new job closer to my girlfriend. I succeeded in my new job despite a nasty strike, and other obstacles.

Now three years later here is what I have to show for it. I am single again. I’m overweight (though I have been losing weight again lately by eating healthy), I’ve boomeranged back home, I miss having a partner, and my life has been turned completely upside down. Since this September I’ve been taking night classes, and I should be ready to enroll in a program next year. I’m academically close to being prepared (I’ve reviewed all of my high school math and next term I will be taking a chemistry course), and I have saved up a nice sum of money to pay for school. I have even found a way to earn a Computer Science degree in two years! So here’s the crazy thing…my job this year has become more fulfilling than it has ever been. I’ve earned my community’s respect, and now that I’ve moved up the pay scale I feel lucky to have such a well paying job. I’m starting to wonder if I am crazy to keep on my career change path.

That being said, there are negatives. I still live over an hour from work, and I really really want to live in a city. The town in which I teach is only 2500 people and I drive over an hour to get there. I wonder though if I’m wrong and perhaps I should just move to a small town and settle in. I often only hear complaints from people teaching in the city. This makes me think a career change would still be good for me. I like computers, and I’d be more likely to find work in the city.

And part of me just wants to find a condo, substitute teach and enjoy life again for awhile. It seems all I do is work and study. The only plus to this is I’m not poor. Though money doesn’t buy happiness (so my ex told me).

I assure you that everything will turn out okay.

It looks like things are actually on the upswing for you. I’ve been there, and it takes a while after the fall to feel like you are climbing again.

re weight, try walking. A short, comfortable constitutional, in the cool of the evening, can do a lot for you. It’s also good for mental health. It’s relaxing. And you see the world; you can spot birds, wave to the neighbors, pick up a few pieces of trash.

It’s just one of lots of little things that you can do to make your life a little better. And that’s the key: things won’t “turn out” okay; you can make things better. Your fate is in your hands; you have free will.

Anyway…good luck to you. (And, yeah, a lot of life is luck; no matter how good your intentions are, an auto accident or some other nasty thing, can always come along to screw up your life.)

Is there any possiblity you could find a place in the small town during the week and go home on the weekends?

Doing work that you enjoy is what 99% of people would like to do but the reality for most is having to stick at whatever we can find.

It obvious that you’re your own man with regards to your health so it doesn’t matter where you live, you know how to get yourself back to into shape and appear committed to that.

Who knows, maybe there’s even someone special in that small town for you and you haven’t met her yet.

I’ve spent a significant part of my adult life fretting and worrying about things that I can’t change and have only recently come to realize that ultimately things pan out.

Be happy and enjoy life as best you can, tomorrow will take care of itself

This caught my attention. I don’t mean to pry, Quasimodal, but are you by any chance talking about a for-profit school like DeVry or ITT Technical Institute? The kind that heavily advertise on television? If so, I would recommend thinking twice about this. These programs are incredibly expensive (far more so than a public university, and usually more so than private ones as well), and the degree isn’t worth much in the end. My friend went to this kind of school, and employers practically laughed in her face when she told them where she’d graduated from. She had to go back and do it all over again, only this time for four years. Thirty thousand dollars down the drain.

But if you’re talking about an accelerated learning program at a four-year public or private university, then that’s a perfectly good degree. Good luck!

Here’s something you could try…write down the things you want, from “living in France” to a new pair of shoes. Then write down what you have/where you are in your life. See what matches and what things you want to change badly enough to actually do it. It might help give you a perspective on what direction you want to go in.

I think the hour’s drive is getting to you. If you were living close to work, could you be happy in that small town?

Looking at your third paragraph, you’re taking concrete steps towards your educational goals, you have money set aside to meet those goals, you currently have a fulfilling, well-paying job, and you enjoy the respect of the community. Your big problems are basically a long commute, being single, and becoming out of shape, and the age-old problem of not knowing exactly what the correct path forward is.

It sounds like you’re young, maybe in your early 20’s. Feelings of “my life is flying by without much control” are par for the course at that age (and any age, I suspect). Suffice it to say, everything will turn out okay. Heck, for you it sounds like things are already more than “okay,” you’re just worn out from an exhausting commute, and kind of bummed about losing your first girlfriend and gaining a bit of weight. Here’s what you can do: try to shorten your commute, either by finding a place to stay in the town you work (even if only for a few days a week, as someone mentioned), or by finding a job closer to you. This will give you more free time to enjoy life, socialize, etc and will probably make you a lot happier. As for the girlfriend thing, you’ll find another one, likely when you least expect it. If you’re young, I suggest not even constantly “trying” to find one. Just be open to the possibility. As to the weight gain, well you’re already working to get that under control, and as a runner you know what you have to do to get back into shape. I’d be willing to bet that with a little more free time, it will be that much easier for you.

Everything is okay.


Just for more info:

I am 30, not early 20’s.

The University I’m aiming for is completely legit. Public University with a track record. I can do the program faster because I’ve done some correspondence classes and I’m an alumni from there.

I might try to live out here after Christmas, only problem would be me driving in to the city to do a night class twice a week and on weekends which essentially eliminates the point. I really think I’m more of a city person than a rural person. I find it okay out here, but in the city I can get my weekend fix. I like going out to things and doing things (concerts, movies, pubs, theatre, festivals, etc). I like being around more people.

The commute right now is okay, I find I deal with it well now, but I still wonder what life would be like without it. I don’t even remember what it is like not to drive 2-3 hours everyday. It’s been three years since I didn’t drive the amount I currently do.

Also staying at home with my folks allows me to save some extra cash. It’s a good place to be for the moment.

t’s okay that all you do is work and study. You’ve taken on an extraordinary amount of work. It’s not undoable, but it is very intense. It requires ruthless, exquisitely tuned time management. It’s easy to feel like you should be out there having fun and doing this and that, but the reality is that your plate is full and you are doing as much as you can. You are doing enough. It’s hard, but it’s fine. Life is supposed to be hard.

Fitness goes up and down. You’ve done it once and you’ll do it again.

Living in the city is a lot of fun for young people. It’s worth doing. You don’t sound like you really want to settle in a small town at this point. That sounds like “easy way out” thinking. You want something more, or else you wouldn’t be so torn up about all of this.

I’ve noticed you talk a lot about “being in a relationship” and not a lot about individual women. That suggests to me that you need to learn to be alone before you’ll be ready to be in a relationship. It can be lonely, but life is often lonely, even when you are in relationships. A girl isn’t going to take away these feelings.

Anyway, don’t ever think you don’t have time. Some people spend ten years of their youth on heroin addictions, and they still manage to have worthwhile lives. You are spending two years, and doing so on something productive. It’s not always a straight path from here to there.

I would agree I’m not ready for a relationship. I know I’ve said otherwise earlier, but I always feel more at ease when I think to myself, “There is no rush. Take your time.”