I’ve never bothered to learn how to classically make a bed so all this talk about “finished sides” and folding over the blanket is just Greek to me. My beds my whole life have been: fitted sheet. Comforter. That’s it. When I’m at a hotel I’m always like: so where am I supposed to sleep? What goes under me? What goes on top? There’s just too much going on.
I got the impression from your posts that your soon to be ex had a lot of rules that must be followed.
That would be accurate. “Rigid” is the word I’d use. “I have my standards” would be her choice of terminology.
She is in fact a fantastic and stylish homemaker. Despite being a lifetime career person too. I don’t mean to diss on her; there’s a lot there that is potentially quite desirable to somebody. Just not me. Oops.
Better sheets are hemmed both ways.
But …I have a very expensive set of Egyptian cotton sheets with Gazillion thread count. When I got them and opened the package, I was surprised to find No hems. Anywhere. A sweetly frayed edge all around.
Hmmm? Sez I.
How’s this gonna work?
The top sheet was exactly square. No top. No bottom.
The fitted sheet had a pocket type thing at the corners. The pillow slips were square. Euro-style.
A total flub up on my part for not reading the full description.
Anyway. Gave the slips to my sister. And tried the sheets. They were wiggly and weird. Tangled up easily.
Unusable.
I still have them. I thought they would fray away in the wash. But they didn’t.
There’s an almost imperceptible line of tighter weave right after the fray.
I’m more careful buying sheets from then on.
Except the t-shirt sheet fad that went around. Can’t use those either. The bottom sheet wouldn’t stay still under me. I hate that.
My sheets have only one “finished side.” The finished side is smooth and comfortable, the other side is rough. Finished side down, and folded over is the only way to use them, unless you are hoping to accomplish a mild exfoliation while you sleep.
I air out the bed also. Pull the top sheet and blankey down until only about 18" remains on the bed. Drape the rest over the foot. Flip it back up when I go the bed.
As for corners - what corners. I never tuck anything. The top sheet just hangs down all around. I laugh at your hospital corners and boot camp tightness.
In case anybody cares, this was confirmed in print by noted etiquette authority Miss Manners over a decade ago.
La De Da. Now I want monogrammed sheets.
Think I’ll put ‘This side Up’
Upside down of course so it’s right side up after you fold.
Now which way is top?Which way is bottom?
When I get the sheets and ready to monogram I’ll make a thread and y’all can direct me. Ok?
Well, you can always count on Dopers having opinions that they’re happy to share! But srsly I don’t think anybody, including Miss Manners, is really going to object to your (or anybody’s) choosing to orient the bed linens in whichever way is satisfactory to all the occupants of the bed.
The main reason that etiquette authorities exist is to provide decisive guidance on zillions of fundamentally arbitrary but impactful choices that random individuals would otherwise waste massive amounts of time and energy disagreeing about. Forks on the left or right? White shoes in winter? Hats worn indoors? Shake hands or bow? Which is correct? Does it matter?
No, not really. But because most people learn these sorts of trivial conventions as part of routine everyday behavior, it can be disproportionately socially disruptive for them to be done “wrong”.
So Miss Manners and her ilk undertake to be the referees who will make decisions about rules compliance, so that everybody else can get on with the game.
Can anyone top this guy:
https://www.reddit.com/r/JustGuysBeingDudes/comments/1bn0ns3/bed_time_routine/
I wish they’d bring back hand kissing.
No.
Wait. Oh nooooooooo.
I change my mind.
Some people use a comforter instead of a bedspread; they are two different things. A comforter is more like a duvet, and typically doesn’t cover as much of the mattress as a bedspread.
Though I was brought up to do so, I’ve never understood the idea of folding the bedspread completely out of the way, at least not all year round. They are quite often a fairly heavy quilted fabric, and add substantial warmth to the bed. We leave ours covering the full bed in the winter. In the summer, we remove it entirely and send it off to be cleaned, then stored away until the fall. I suppose if we were trying to show the house of sale or something, we’d keep it on the bed because it looks nicer.
In soon-to-be-ex’s view, the bedspread is the essential decorative thing to be seen during the day covering everything sleep-related. And showing off the heap of sham pillows piled on the bed to disguise the fact it is a bed. The bedspread’s carefully chosen colors and pattern are the centerpiece of the room’s decor.
Now to use the bed, the bedspread must be removed entire, folded neatly, and stored elsewhere. Lest it get a) wrinkled, or b) touch a human body and all the icky stinky associated therewith
In her view the ideal bed covering to sleep under is a single sheet in a cool room. Whereas I prefer a warm room and at least 1 heavy blanket.
Diff’rent strokes indeed. Sigh.
I would say that some people use a bedspread, others use a comforter, and a few use both. But they are different bed-garments, and have slightly different uses. And the bedspread is properly tucked slightly under the pillows and then over them, whereas the comforter, like a blanket, properly comes up to the end of the top sheet, and its end is covered by that folded sheet to protect it from getting dirty.
When I’ve had a bedspread, I’ve pulled it mostly or completely off the bed because it was either at my uncle’s place, and the bedspread was filthy with the debris that gathered in that room (mostly falling plaster, but also mouse droppings, and similarly unsavory stuff) or at my grandmother’s house, which was always too damn warm for me, (and also, my grandmother did everything “properly”, so I was supposed to remove the completely unwanted extra layer.)
Yeah, in fact, Miss Manners response to the toilet paper question was that the roll should face whichever way the person who replaced it preferred.
Despite my prescriptivist posts in this thread, I’m very much on team “make your bed however you damn please, with whatever you want on it”.
But the issue the OP had was that he and his bedmate have different preferences.
Miss Manners has definitely entered the 21st Century and maybe even the 2020s with that ruling.
OTOH, Emily Post remains mired in the 1890s, maaaybe 1910s. And proudly so.
As a wise Doper (I don’t recall who) said in another thread sorta adjacent to this one
Manners is the art of making others feel welcome.
Etiquette is the art of making others feel inferior.
That struck me as Wisdom for the Ages. And quite relevant to the differences in what is seen as socially important between e.g. 1905 and e.g. 2024.
You will be OK because the correct way is not to really kiss the hand, just hover above it a breath away. Sooo elegant.
Nah, it has never been the province of formal etiquette to rule on trivial private matters like that. Emily Post’s 1922 Book of Etiquette, for example, specifies lavatory amenities for guests like providing fresh soap and hand towels, but not the orientation of the toilet paper.
Hmmm, it strikes me as a shallow and artificial identification of “etiquette” with gratuitous snobbish snootiness.
Certainly, there are some people who claim the authority of “etiquette” (or “manners”, for that matter) merely as a justification for gratuitous snobbish snootiness, but that doesn’t mean that anybody else has to agree with them. Ultimately, etiquette systems are fundamentally about creating a reasonable set of standard default social conventions, so everybody can avoid feeling inferior.
Admittedly that definition I quoted is a bit tongue in cheek. Your final paragraph is the real truth.
However there certainly are things most of us know and use daily at least in public, like fork on the left and don’t slurp from your soup bowl, and then there are things few of us know, like which fork is the fish fork or how to properly present a calling card. And there is a contingent which loves to lord their fish fork knowledge as an indication of inherent superiority or “breeding”.
The joke hinges on the difference between commonly known common standards that serve as social lubricant, and cognoscenti-only standards that serve as social status markers.
No different from quoting Cicero or throwing a little je ne sais quoi into your conversation. Works great at the faculty club but is less welcome at the truck stop. Cf. Mary Ann and Mrs. Howell.
(Miss Manners has your back on that one too: All you need to know about “which fork to use” is “Use the one furthest to the left.”
Namely, at formal meals (at least in western/Europe-derived social mores, AKA “fork cultures”), where the dishes are served in successive courses each with its own set of utensils, the utensils are arranged at the place settings in the same order as the courses, working from the outside in. Whichever fork is currently on the far left of your place setting is the one you should use for the current course. 
)