Please tell me about Adult ADD.

It’s recently come to my attention that this may be something that I need to look into. Without going into too much detail, let’s just say that things have affected my personal life and my business life, and I am wondering if this is something that I need to look into.

I have an appointment with my doctor about my medication for my depression (just to check on the dosage), and I want to talk to her about this. I’d like to hear about your experience with Adult ADD, and how you came to realize that you had it.

This is really hard for me to think about, but I am absolutely feeling a huge sense of relief because this would explain a LOT about my life, from as far back as I can remember, from being a child and being told that although I had a genius-level IQ, I was ‘not living up to my potential’, and not knowing HOW to get myself on track to live up to that potential. Today started out really, really awful, and I’m starting to realize that some things that I’ve always berated myself for, things that I can’t seem to get a handle on - it may not be just a lack of motivation or follow-through on my part.

I am certainly going to discuss this with my doctor tomorrow, but I’d like to hear about some of your experiences to see if how I’m feeling and what I’ve discovered have any similarities with yours.

Thanks.

E.

Most high-IQ kids flounder because of the soulless, limiting nature of the educational system. If you need to try ADD meds for a while to help you focus, I’m all for that, but I truly don’t believe there are that many people who need lifelong psychiatric meds. It’s important to remember that there is not really room for extremely-high IQ people in our vapid, consumer-oriented society and that could be much of the problem.

Well, that certainly sounds like Adult ADD. It’s also possible that you have something called an executive function disorder, which is closer to an actual learning disability than ADD might otherwise be considered. It’s certainly possible to both have a high IQ and a learning disability.

There is some good information on adult ADD over on about.com. There’s also a very good book called You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? that might be of some help.

Personally, I also have depression. I take Wellbutrin, which helps both my depression and my ADD. I can’t take most of the typical ADD medications due to some heart issues, but there’s a lot of good stuff out there.

I don’t know if you can still find it on their site, but PBS had an interactive thing about ADD at one time where you could “feel” what it was like to have it. You might check that out, too.

Good luck with your doctor!

A good friend of mine realized she had adult ADD while she was researching ADD for her son. It’s been a real learning experience for me as I saw her go through it: the diagnosis and immediate drug prescriptions; her total personality change when on and off drugs; her journey to discovering she was mostly better off without them.

She used to constantly take Dexadrine (sp?), but then looked into her diet and found lots of ways that it could be vastly improved. Eventually she changed her diet and now eats really well, went completely off the Dex, and got back up to a healthy weight (she was rail-thin, probably a combination of her genetics, her hyperactivity making her forget to shop/eat/cook, and constantly taking pharmaceutical amphetamines).

She’s thinking of getting the drugs again for occasions when she really needs to concentrate, but she mostly feels a whole lot better for making her entire lifestyle healthier.

I have a few other adult friends with ADD (I met them all through the same organization, they seem to have certain key personality traits in common!). In general they handle it pretty well and run busy and functioning lives, and I think it comes from understanding their condition, seeing how it affects them personally and being vigilant about what they need to do to keep themselves together.

One has elaborate systems involving office organizational supplies in place to keep things straight - if he lost his binder, his life as he knew it would be over.

I have worked on occasion with a few of them and can confirm that yes, it is difficult sometimes. But I think that I help make things a bit easier for them because I understand where they’re coming from. I try not to distract them when they’re in the middle of something, for instance, and I expect to have to remind them a few times before they actually do something (things which would annoy me more if they did not have the “diagnosis”).

Anyhoo, I’ve e-mailed my friend for recommended reading materials and I’ll post when I get them.

A few years ago, my psychiatrist wondered if some of my problems weren’t caused by my depression, but by the return of the ADD I’d had as a kid. They were. I was on methylphenidate for a while. I’m now on a generic time release methylphenidate which means 1 pill a day instead of 3, and no feelings of the drug wearing off or kicking back in.

In general, this ADD is much easier to deal with then the ADHD I had as a kid. I still have trouble drifting out of focus, and getting things done on time. But the difference is trying to get your shoe away from a friendly pit bull instead of trying to fight off a homicidal pitbull.
GGurl The schools never knew where to put me. I was in LD programs for the ADDHD. I was in gifted programs, due to the IQ tests and other things. There were always problems due to this. It was the seventies, and the policy was that learning disabled kids were supposed to be subnormal*. Gifted students weren’t supposed to need special accomodations, or occupational therapists who taught remedial handwriting.

  • This was a policy decided by some committee somewhere in the state. It was in no based on the views of the many teachers, counselors etc I worked with. These people wanted every LD student to achieve their potential, and based that potential on actual dealings with students rather than files or policies.

Or maybe, you’re smart enough to realize that your potential is wasted on the mindless cubicle world. That commercial showing the business woman unable to concentrate on her tedious work and attributing it to ADD infuriates me. Of course she’s not able to focus! Her work is stupid and boring and repetitive! There are many, many people who fail at such jobs, not because of any defect on their part, but just because human beings as a whole are not meant to perform tasks like that. Even the language you’re using–“follow-through,” “living up to potential”–are business catch phrases.

Think about this: do you have trouble focusing on the things you LOVE, or are your problems strictly work/school-related? If the latter, I’d consider my problem to be society-related, not me-related. I have a very short attention span when it comes to (paying) jobs, but that’s okay because I can divorce my worth as a person from my work as a mindless functionary. To me, taking a medication just so that you can serve your bosses better is tragic. You are an individual living in a land of numbered drones; instead of giving in to them you need to fight back against the system that constrains you. That is, unless becoming a business success is important to you. I’ve never understood why that’s important to some people.

(Then again, maybe I am way off base and you don’t work a tedious soul-sucking job and have problems in the rest of your life as well. But hey, stab in the dark.)

What continuity eror about the mindless cubicle world. What a crazy world we live in when you’re considered crazy for NOT being able to concentrate on a mindnumbing paper-shuffling job. Sheesh.

Anyway, my friend recommends Driven to Distraction.

Please bear with me while I answer everyone individually - everyone’s made some very good points.

I don’t know if that’s the case or not, but I was in special classes (individualized for me) until the fifth grade. I was taught specially because my school did consider me that bright. Even though I had no problems with the extra work, it was the attention and focus to my normal work that gave me problems. I don’t want to be on lifelong psychiatric meds - let’s just say that I have ignored my depression for several years and allowed parts of my addictive personality to take over - but I need to see if there’s a reason that my life has gone the way it has. I wasn’t even thinking about this until a friend who has it, in a long discussion today, told me that I sound just like she did before she was diagnosed. That’s how this came about. I’ve also been doing some online research to see if this can be controlled with diet or whatever.

I would love to think that I’m simply floundering due to a high IQ - I really would - but it’s not just my work life, it’s my personal life as well. I start things whole-heartedly and don’t finish them. It’s like my heart starts out with good intentions, and my head doesn’t follow through. Does that make sense?

I’ll bring that up to my doctor as well. I did talk to my mom and apparently, my cousin has ADD, so it does run in the family. (My brother is dyslexic). And reading some of the items on these ADD websites, I’m wondering if the depression and anxiety that I’ve been diagnosed with is actually in part because of something else. There might be a reason that I always feel nervous, that I’m always worried and overthinking things, and terrified that I’m going to crash the car when I go to the grocery store.

I don’t have the hyperactiveness - I never have - I’ve never had behavioral problems. I’ve just had difficulty concentrating, trouble following through on things, etc. It’s more of a sluggish, “I can’t make myself get out of bed in the morning”, I can’t get up the energy to do something kind of thing.

That’s how I feel - very drifty. I’ve been working from home as a resume writer, and it takes me several hours before I can even start working up the energy to begin work, you know? And it takes me awhile to get up the energy to start a new resume. There’s a reason I’m up till nearly midnight every night scrambling to finish something.

It’s not just work. I’ve been working a job I enjoy - resume writing - but I have a hard time following through on my hobbies. I love to quilt - I have three quilts in various stages of disarray, one that needs to be done by next Saturday for my sister-in-law’s baby shower, and I absolutely have not been able to make myself do it. I start new projects in every room in the house and then leave the house in various stages of disarray. I didn’t even bring that up to myself, I’ve had two separate people bring it up to me in three days without talking to each other about it (my husband and my mother, who was visiting this weekend).

I hate this. I hate that I posted this, I hate that I felt like I HAD to post this. I feel like I can’t be a normal person. I don’t WANT to go on another medication (I’m on an A/D right now, a very low dose), I don’t want to have something else in my body. I want to get on with my life, I want to be normal. But it feels like I can’t be.

I am also researching diet. I’ve been exercising (we got an elliptical for our basement) and that has helped with my depression, but I am researching how a new diet might help me stay focused. I guess the best thing to do is just to talk to my doctor at this point. There’s got to be something to make me feel like I’m not worthless, like I can handle life without flying off into eight different directions at once and not accomplishing a damn thing.

E.

continuity eror’s statements dovetail with something I’ve believed for a long time:

Through most of human history, most work was mindless enough that the ability to daydream was actually a benefit – IME, thinking about things other than the task at hand actually helps a person get through jobs like chopping wood or digging ditches. Such an ability might even have offered an evolutionary advantage.

Relatively recent changes in society have created lots of work that requires some degree of concentration. Not necessarily intense, high-level concentration, as required by brain surgery. But enough concentration that daydreaming is incompatible.

So we have lots of people suddenly having to shed inborn tendencies to daydream. Hence the executive in the ad for adult-onset ADD not being able to concentrate.

I have no problems focusing like a laser beam on tasks that I’m motivated to do. I’m an engineer, with a math background, and have solved some very difficult problems. But I have to really push myself to complete boring, mundane work.

IANAD, and I am not attempting to make light of anyone dealing with an organic condition.

But I think that lots of instances of adults having trouble concentrating may be due to a bad match of person to job.

Anyone have the link to this? I just thought it would be interesting to check out.

In that case, how do you know you picked the right hobbies? People go in and out of phases all the time. There are times when I don’t feel like knitting and abandon it for weeks. I used to do tons of arty crap that I just stopped doing, because it didn’t interest me anymore. There are even times when I zone out and can’t write anymore, even though that is supposed to be my life’s work. Nothing bad will happen if you give up on quilting for a day, a week, or even the rest of your life. I’ve learned to just trust my mind telling me what it wants to do, instead of trying to custom-fit a schedule for it. Eventually, if what you’re doing is right, it will come back to you… and if it doesn’t, it was never really your cup of tea to begin with.

I hope that this isn’t considered a hijack because it’s not meant to be.

I’ve stuggled throughout my life with many of the similar symptoms ('cept getting out of bed problems) described here. I’ve been described as an intelligent, capable student who just doesn’t put in the full effort to live up to full potential. I’ve managed to skate through many a life’s challenges on half assed effort and 11th hour solutions. Why? Because I can’t focus the necessary attention on the subject at hand. When I do, I have to fight the urge to go in several directions at once and thus losing focus entirely.

I’ve been called lazy by a teacher or two in the long gone past and I’ve pretty much resigned myself to that fact.

I know myself well enough that if I focus and just go about accomplishing something I want to accomplish, I will do it with great success. The problem seems to be discipline and focus, rather than anything else. The default setting however, is lethargy, apathy and a kind of unfocused half interest.

So if am able to discipline myself sometimes, there is little reason to believe I cannot discipline myself all the time. It’s just a matter of establishing good habits and sticking to them. Right?

So, one has to wonder, how many of these complaints are genuine laziness (since it’s clearly not intellectual incapacity) vs. ADD?

Totally! I find physical labor to be MUCH easier to handle than cubicle work for just this reason. Even when it’s repetitive, physical labor doesn’t require you to use the same parts of your brain as you do to daydream–you’re basically hired muscle, and your bosses don’t care about your brain. But in office work, you have to use the same parts, which creates a conflict when you try to daydream while you work. Either you wind up NOT daydreaming (which might not create problems with some people, but lead others to a padded cell), or you get so overwhelmed that you have to do it anyway (aka distracted), and wind up making little animal figures out of paperclips because collating TPS reports is just too much work when you have a good daydream going on.

People really don’t get enough daydreaming in these days, what with work, television, and the Internet. Sometimes I think John Hagelin is right about mandatory meditation.

ElzaB IMHO A lot of the claims of diet being the cause of ADD, depression etc are made by groups who are strongly anti-med. I haven’t found that changes to my diet make much difference except- If I don’t have enough sugar, I don’t function well. But, I’ve found the lack of drive and willpower you mention to be strictly neurochemical. Sometimes giving myself a pep talk helps.

Somebody should be along to give you the address of Cecil’s Room, a mail list for Dopers coping with mental illness.

F U Shakespeare Thom Hartman proposes something very similar in ADD-Hunters In A Farmers’ World. The short version- normal folks would plow, cut fire wood, weave, etc since those tasks require constant attention. ADD folks were better suited to hunt, letting their attention wander and easily spotting tracks, or hearing a rustle in the bush.

Driven to Distraction, by Hallowell & Ratey, is another very good book on ADD (but not limited to adults). They also have a “how to” out now called Delivered from Distraction, which I’ve not seen yet.

I’ve been on various meds for ADD with depression. Wellbutrin has worked best so far, but I find residual effects hang over from the days when attention was more of a problem. I dread anxiety, which used to be a day-to-day companion but has now left something of a large hole in my life. I avoid moments like decisions, deadlines, and beginning projects, even when the work is easy and/or fun.

I tested pretty high for IQ as a sprog, and I concur with the assessments of society not really having a place for bright folks – especially if they lack ability in math or the sciences. I’ve generally had to learn my own way or not at all, and I’ve paid a price for it.

:eek:

Typical me.

And the more I do it the more reluctant I am to reverse the trend.

First of all, disclosure: I have been diagnosed (via neurological testing) as ADD (Inattentive type). The following is my reading on the available popular and to a modest extent technical literature on the topic. IANA doctor or psychologist. Someone else recommended Hallowell’s Driven To Distraction as a good introductory primer; I can only follow up on that with Hallowell’s Delivered From Distraction, which largely covers the same material as the previous book but also goes into more detail on current and speculative treatments and coping strategies. There is more detailed reading available on the topic, of course, both in layman’s terms and technical literature, but Hallowell is an easy, quick read and he covers the high points while not descending to victimhood; indeed, his view of the “disorder” is that is more of a variation or “different way of thinking” than properly classified as an illness or syndrome.

“Lazy” like “hyperactive”, “angry”, “detached”, “retarded”, et cetera describe the result of a behavior rather than the root cause of it. Lazy, in particular, is a label that tends to be dismissively applied, bringing along the semantic implication of moral turpitude. This is sometimes the case–some people would just rather lay about than do anything–but it also includes people who don’t make an effort out of fear of failure, lack of initative/guidence, passive-aggressive resistance, and so forth. In the case of ADD, it is characterized not by mere “lazyness”, nor a complete inability to focus, but rather a difficulty in controlling attentional focus, often combined with hyperfocus (focusing on one activity while out all other distractions) and sometimes hyperactivity, either physically or intellectually.

ADD in particularly can be kind of confusing, because many of the behaviors are attributable to other pathologies; an inability to sit down and do homework often becomes a test of wills between parent and child even though for the child the battle is more internal and unintentional than an act of defiance. And, as has been noted, people with ADD often display paradoxical behaviors; being very “quick” but not studious, easily distractable but capable of great attentional focus, energetic in mental activity but lethargic in action, or disruptive in behavior but empathic in interactions. ADD has traditionally been throught to disappear after adolescence but it is now widely believed that adults simply learn to cope with it (or stuggle, as may be the case).

There are two “forms” of ADD recognized by DSM-IV: ADD with Hyperactivity (the traditional ADHD), and ADD Inattentive Type. (Some researchers have further broken down the pathology into additional categories but none of these schemas are widely accepted as of yet.) The “hyperactivity” is the more commonly diagnosed form for obvious reasons but the inattentive type may actually be more common, especially among girls and women, generally characterized by daydreaming and attentional distraction, as opposed to uncontrollable hyperactivity.

If you read through the DSM-IV diagnostic parameters, you’ll find a list of fortune-cookie characteristics; by that, I mean that any one, or even many of them, could apply to just about anyone with a pulse. There is, in fact, no positive demarcation between ADD and “not ADD”. The disorder does seem to run in families, even independent of environment, so there is strongly believed to be a genetic, neurological component, but there’s no question that environment also contributes (positively or negatively) to the disorder. There is a diagnostic called qEEG that has demonstrated repeated patterns in persons otherwise diagnosed as ADD; however, there is no definitive neurological explanation for the condition and this alone does not satisfy as a diagnosis. A proper diagnosis should be done by someone trained in neurological diagnostics; most likely either a child psychologist (who do, despite the title, accept adult patients) or a psychologist specializing in neurological pathology (diagnosing ADD, autism, and other neurological conditions). A standard-issue psychiatrist or general practicioneer has neither the training nor the experience to make a definitive diagnosis.

The following is my own, nonprofessional (IANAD or psychologist) opinion on the root cause, distribution, and appropriate view of ADD: The attentional focus that is demanded by modern society (sitting in a cubical, waiting in traffic, et cetera) is an anomoly in natural human evolution; for millions of years, we’ve evolved and survived by being able to rapidly move from one task to another; only recently, in evolutionary terms, has it even been desirable to sit down and focus on a mundane task such as writing a memo about appropriate use of toilet paper or reviewing a technical specifications document. As a result, many people are not neurologically optimized to the demands of modern life; in lieu of the kind of environmental stimulation that is a part of everyday life in the wild (looking for good flint and tools, dodging predators, figuring out how Uggi keeps making fire jump from his fingertips) these people try to create the needed stimulation to keep up with the internal clocking of their minds. Some do this by seeking out thrilling or dangerous expeiences, others by creating disruption in relationships, and yet others by drawing inward into a detached mental environment (daydream) which can be as energetic and detailed as need be.

Obviously, unlike some psychiatric conditions like schitzophrenia, autism, bipolar disorder, et cetera, there is more graduation between “normal” attentional function and ADD, so that there is no clear definition. In fact, it is my conjecture that ADD isn’t a single condition stemming from one root cause, but a number of attentionally-related factors which combine to give a combination of the characteristics that fall under the label of ADD, and indeed, may be part of a metapathology that overlaps with Obsessive Compulstive Disorder, Tourette’s Syndrome, and so forth. To that end, it is properly best considered, as Hallowell does, to be more of a “way of thinking” rather than an illness per se, and treated or modified only insofar as it interferes with productive functioning in school, career, and relationships.

Hallowell states a number of “benefits” of ADD, including unconventional “outside the box” thinking, energy to tackle numerous tasks, and so forth. I think he makes a bit much out of said benefits, and the idea of retro-diagnosing famous people in history (Ben Franklin, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein) as having ADD based upon their recorded acheivements and behaviors is somewhat disingenous, but there’s no question that many people with ADD are of above-average intellect; perhaps all the more so in order to compensate for their attentional problems. And as others have pointed out, great intellect and creativity is not always welcomed or useful in traditional occupations and educational formats, which serves to amplify any differences, distractions, and detachments of someone who might already be prone to distraction.

In due course, someone will no doubt come along to contest the entire concept of ADD and the treatment, especially phramaceutical, of it. Given the highly mutable nature of the DSM from one edition to another it’s pretty hard to stand on any pathology, particularly one as ambiguous as ADD, as being definitive. (Certainly it can’t be taken as set in stone; the DSM used to classify homosexuality as a “mental defect”.) On the other hand, there’s no doubt that some people have more difficulty controlling attention than others; no matter how strictly disciplined, some children still tend toward excessive outbursts or daydreaming regardless of the consequences; and some (but not all) of these people have found some measure of relief in chemical treatment. Others attack it from a viewpoint of behavior modification, or strict enforced discipline (schedules, ingrained behavior), or by diet and exercise; as with many mental pathologies, not one approach seemed to work equivilently, or at all, for everyone.

A quick note on medication: many, many people have objected to the “doping” of children diagnosed with ADD. Regardless of the effectiveness of the drugs (they work on some, not on others) this belies an ignorance about the classes of drugs used to treat ADD. These fall into two classes; stimulants such as Ritalin and Concerta, and (traditional) antidepressents such as Prozac and Stratera. The former work, seemingly paradoxically, by calming the people down. In fact, the theory behind it is that they speed up or amplify the perceptiveness of the environment, making the surroundings more stimulating. They do not “dope” a person at all, and the dosages are typically 10% or less of what is usually prescribed in a stimulant application. The latter work similarly by preventing reuptake of seratonin or norepinephrine, providing some kind of mental stimulation, though there still isn’t a good understanding of how these drugs render their effects, either in the case of depression or ADD. Obviously, drugs often have side effects, and there are a number of concerns, particularly with regard to antidepressants, in prescribing them to preadolescent children and early teenagers. As with any drug, espeically psychoactive drugs, monitoring by a doctor should accompany prescription.

Personally, the diagnosis of ADD was something of a revelation to me; as with most people, I assumed that a lack of overt hyperactivity disindicated ADD. As a child, I alternated between being criticized for my poor academic work and shoddy homework habits and my exceptional mental faculties and top-end scores on standardized tests. This, accompanied by problems relating to other children, had me shifting between the “special needs” classification and “gifted but troubled” description. My ability to focus on something of interest and be industrious well in excess of my age gave lie to any accusation of lazyness; my “unwillingness” to do tedious, repetitive schoolwork and pay attention in class was an anathema of my primary scholastic career.

Even in adulthood, in both my professional career (engineering) and social interactions, this is something I struggle with mightily. I’m great at figuring out a new, more efficient way of doing things; I suck at implementing it or doing the tedious, day-to-day work. I’m good in social situations where I can provide guidence or discuss the ins and outs of a technical topic; I’m terrible at making small talk, or managing my impatience of people who aren’t ready to go, or handling the mundanities of everyday life. I’m at my best, mentally, when I’m driving down the highway at 80 mph, or hiking a treacherous trails, or behind a keyboard punching out a new design or outlining an algorithm; I’m horribly frusturated by sitting at a desk, reading through the same technical specification for the tenth time or debugging an annoying little perl script that just won’t damn work for no good bloody reason. I’m great at writing (I think); as many can attest, I’m remiss at effective copyediting.

Anyway, to sum up; if you think that controlling and maintaining attention is a problem for you, read up on the topic, talk to a professional, and have it checked out by an experienced and qualified diagnostician. Where you go from there is your choice–I wouldn’t rule out drugs but I wouldn’t recommend allowing yourself to be bullied into them or consider them your only option–but the best thing you can do is understand the nature of your problem and the limitations (and possibly benefits) that it imposes. Don’t play victim, of course, but don’t berate yourself, or allow anyone else to criticize you, for being who and how you are.

Good luck to you.

Stranger

You’ve just described me to a T, including my past history, except I am less technical than you are - but give me a parody sketch to write, tell me to write an episode of “Gilmore Girls”, etc - I can do it, and I can do it well, especially when I absolutely push myself. I have been told that I am one of the best writers most of my readers (typically friends and co-workers) have ever read (fiction), but I can’t FINISH anything. I have completed three screenplays and a full-length stage play over five years, but I can not go back and edit them to get them out to festivals or studios or whatever. It’s the same with my quilts. I love to quilt. It is my second passion, and my dream, aside from being a published author, is to make handmade, uniquely-designed baby quilts to sell. But I can’t even seem to finish the one I WANT to finish. I start and get bored.

I am extremely impulsive. I have bought so many items that I do NOT NEED. I am terrible with my financial life, and if it weren’t for my husband, I probably would have declared bankruptcy by now.

I just feel like I’ve discovered something today. I have always been told that I’m lazy, that I need focus, and yet, I pour my heart and soul into so many things, but there’s a disconnect between my heart and my head when it comes to finishing them.

I have tried SO HARD to become responsible over the past year, and I think I have made great strides in doing so, but it seems like the little things in life get me so behind. We have been planning our family, and have put it off for another couple of months because I want to feel more emotionally stable. But we can’t keep putting it off forever, and I am TERRIFIED to become responsible for a child when I can barely remain responsible for myself. I think, no, I KNOW, I will be a great mother, but I have to find the tools to get myself focused. I am always tired, no matter how much sleep I get. I feel like I am always trying to fight from underwater. And it doesn’t feel like life should be this way. Life isn’t easy, I’m well aware of that. But life shouldn’t feel like one long daydream, either.

I’m not against medication. I don’t like it, but I do realize, in specifics like my depression, it’s necessary at times. I hope to control my depression and anxiety in time through cognitive behavioral therapy, as I have a wonderful therapist who’s working on these things with me. But for now, the medication (a very small dose - 10 mg of Prozac) keeps me from crying all day.

I’m going to talk to my therapist (whom I’m meeting with early in the morning tomorrow) and with my doctor tomorrow afternoon, and see what both of them say. I’ve taken several of those online ‘could you possibly have ADD?’ tests so that I can take them along to my doctor as a reference tomorrow. I’m not using them as any kind of absolute, I just want her to see how I’ve arrived at questioning these things, and the things that I have felt much of my life.

Stranger on a Train, I honestly feel like I could have written much of what you’ve said. I just need to figure this out. Thank you for your wonderfully insightful and detailed post.

E.

Wow Stranger. You’ve given me a lot to think about. If it turns out that I’m not simply an Idle Bastard, I’m really going to have to rethink my entire approach to things.

Stranger , that’s a lot to think about and a lot to read, and I read it because a year ago I could have written the OP, especially this part:

*This is really hard for me to think about, but I am absolutely feeling a huge sense of relief because this would explain a LOT about my life, from as far back as I can remember, from being a child and being told that although I had a genius-level IQ, I was ‘not living up to my potential’, and not knowing HOW to get myself on track to live up to that potential. Today started out really, really awful, and I’m starting to realize that some things that I’ve always berated myself for, things that I can’t seem to get a handle on - it may not be just a lack of motivation or follow-through on my part. *

A therapist, and a prescription for Strattera have literally turned things around for me. Elza, don’t rely on the drug, there are some new behavioral patterns to learn, and new ways to think about everything you do.

*I start and get bored.

I am extremely impulsive. I have bought so many items that I do NOT NEED. I am terrible with my financial life…

I just feel like I’ve discovered something today. I have always been told that I’m lazy, that I need focus, and yet, I pour my heart and soul into so many things, but there’s a disconnect between my heart and my head when it comes to finishing them. *

Wow. Lookee, it’s me again.

One of the fortune-cookie characteristics is that impulsiveness which often manifested itself in sudden, explosive temper (never violent, just to the point of assholishness), which subdued itself as fast as it came. I’d leave everyone around me affected by it, while I was already moved on.

The bus wife and kid have seen that as the major change in me, more level and calm. Me? I finish things I start, I concentrate at work, and to an earlier point, even things I love doing are easier to enjoy and think about now.

Want an example? A year ago, had I been here, I would never have written this post. Going to the trouble of coding, quoting and whatnot.

Good Luck!